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Desperate for Advice. SN Preteen's Puberty

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2016 at 6:01 AM
  • 11 Replies

So i have tried speaking to friends, family , pediatrician , school nurse and others about how to handle this. Any advice is appreciated.

My DD was born with bilateral anophthalmia(no eyes /optic nerve) & as such has some developmental delays. She turned 10 in October & has recently begun getting hair & her breasts are developing . Pediatrician confirmed that she will begin menstruation within the next couple years & even suggested the Depo Provera shot to stop her periods(once she starts ) . She doesn't comprehend what's going on & will not be able to use proper hygiene ON HER OWN. Now, i dont mind it but I can't expect, nor do i want , school officials to keep her cleaned and changed during school hours .

My questions ae :

1) Is depo safe for her? Wold you consider putting your child on it if n my shoes?

2)Does it effect future fertility for her ?

3)How do i explain periods, why happen & what EXACTLY is happening to her in a way she understands ?

THANK YOU FOR ANY ADVICE GIVEN!!

by on Jan. 31, 2016 at 6:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MamaLauri
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2016 at 7:23 AM
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I do not know about depo safeness, and would tend to avoid it.

I would take her to Childrens Museums with touchable exhibits about life cycle, later human development and health (with some hygiene). Include story books about the same. A 2 year old understands some concepts of hygiene if they are involved in it on a daily basis. You have to follow up, but let them do the first pass.

By 5, they can handle it with only a reminder.

Does she read Braille? Then make an bathroom activity list on Braille embossables (see http://www.americanthermoform.com/product-category/braille-labels/) and post in your bath for her. If not, see if your local Association for the Blind has a graphical embossabler

(see http://www.americanthermoform.com/product/swell-form-graphics-starter-pack/) or see if your school will buy and let you use, and make a graphical list.

Whitbev1020
by New Member on Jan. 31, 2016 at 8:44 AM

thank you your input ,however, no she doesn't read braille yet  she is earning though .. will definitely look into those sites . thanks again

MamaLauri
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2016 at 3:55 PM

You are welcome, and welcome to the group! welcome to cafemom

Quoting Whitbev1020:

thank you your input ,however, no she doesn't read braille yet  she is earning though .. will definitely look into those sites . thanks again


Linagma03
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2016 at 7:07 PM
3 moms liked this

Welcome to the Group!

Does she normally wipe herself pretty well? As far as explaining it I just kept it very simple for my girl. Also I just answered her questions when she asked me.  

She is 12 with the mentally of a 6 year old. She began puberty at 7, then her first period was the day after Xmas when she was 10. She didn't even tell me she had started, I found out when she went to the bathroom. When I saw what was going on I asked her why she didn't tell me and all I got was "I don't know". I told her that when she started to bleed she had to tell me, she said okay and that was the end of it. I gave her a shower, put a pad on her and that is when she asked me why she had to wear a "diaper". I told her that she was becoming a big girl like her sister and that having a period was part of that, it will last for a few days then stop and that it will happen every month. That was all the questions she had and she hasn't asked me anymore since then.

I started Lina using pads but they irritated her skin really bad and would bunch up to the point that she was getting a rash. Now I use Womens Depends Active when she has her period and they work great. They pull up like underwear, they are really absorbant, and usually she doesn't need to change it until she gets home from school. I just remind her to wipe really well and then give her a shower every night. 

As far as the Depo shot goes I don't know how safe that would be for a really young girl. I think that would be something to talk to a Gyn about and then make the decision. 

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Feb. 2, 2016 at 10:47 AM

Welcome to the group!!  This is a hard one!

I can say I will be in your shoes in a couple of years, and yet have no clue.  My daughter is 7 with compound disabilities, developmentally about 2.  She can not take care of her own hygiene needs, and while learning to potty is still in diapers.  I know these questions are going to come up from doctors, and I have no clue what I am going to do.  I don't want her on a med that could harm her health in any way, but I do not worry about damaging her fertility.  I'm sorry, that sounds bad, and some may yip at me for it, but I'm not sure she'll ever be capable of consent for sex, and definitely won't be capable of raising a child.  I will be raising her for the rest of my days, I'm not wanting to take on the responsibility of another baby. I do worry she will be terrified at the sight of a period though.  Her mental understanding/communication are not one I can prepare her for this at this time.  It is hard to decide.

One thing I do know, is if we don't medicate her to prevent periods, the school will be required to keep her clean throughout her day.  She has an IEP and a health plan that require diapering now.  This will be no different.  I'm not saying I like the idea of it, and I feel a bit bad for who might get stuck with that duty.  But it is the law to provide accommodations needed for her to attend school.  Just as it would be for your daughter.  I'm not going to let that be part of my decision.

Good luck.  I know this is hard!

Homeschoolmom99
by Member on Feb. 3, 2016 at 10:22 PM
If it was me I would do the implant in her arm.
jjamom
by Michele on Feb. 5, 2016 at 6:31 AM
I was on Depo for a year and I honestly would not recommend it to anyone. I had some pretty serious neurological issues with it and it is the only birth control method that has an FDA Blackbox warning (the highest warning issued by the FDA). It can cause significant bone loss, especially when taken long term, which I was told was not recommended. When I did take it, I HAD to go for the shot within a very specific 48 hour time frame and they acted like the world was going to come to an end if I didn't get it within that window. When I did get it, I had to sign forms that I had received it and that I understood I had to have the next dose within that specified window.
Whitbev1020
by New Member on Feb. 6, 2016 at 6:47 PM
1 mom liked this
Thanks everyone!
No she doesnt wipe herself WELL. She does understand when i say "wipe ur tooty" to take toilet paper i hand her and where to go with it but doesnt understand how specific she needs to be with it.
She also has an IEP in place every year i just dont know that i want school officials doing that and risk them neglecting the proper way to do it.
Since she cannot communicate with me ive always been able to tell whats wrong with her by facial expressions, hand movements. General body language. She had some cramping the other night just after I got done blow drying her hair and it was so painful for her that she cried.. something she very rarely has done in her 10 years of life is cry.
As a mother I feel kind of helpless because I don't know how to handle the situation. On one hand I just wish I could snap my fingers and make everything okay for her where she never has any hurdles in life you know? But on the other I am determined to make sure that she is fiercely independent never using her blindness as a crutch.
I know every parent has different beliefs and parenting styles and some will not agree with whatever I do choose to do I just want whatever I choose to be best for her.
lancet98
by on Feb. 6, 2016 at 9:52 PM
1 mom liked this


Some parents opt to have a doctor perform a total hysterectomy.

In the past it used to actually be common to do that early on, and breasts were also disbudded.

The goal being to stop periods, breast development, and to limit the adult height of the individual.

I like to think that with better supervision, better eduation, and better overall care, such things are no longer necessary. 

Quoting Whitbev1020: Thanks everyone! No she doesnt wipe herself WELL. She does understand when i say "wipe ur tooty" to take toilet paper i hand her and where to go with it but doesnt understand how specific she needs to be with it. She also has an IEP in place every year i just dont know that i want school officials doing that and risk them neglecting the proper way to do it. Since she cannot communicate with me ive always been able to tell whats wrong with her by facial expressions, hand movements. General body language. She had some cramping the other night just after I got done blow drying her hair and it was so painful for her that she cried.. something she very rarely has done in her 10 years of life is cry. As a mother I feel kind of helpless because I don't know how to handle the situation. On one hand I just wish I could snap my fingers and make everything okay for her where she never has any hurdles in life you know? But on the other I am determined to make sure that she is fiercely independent never using her blindness as a crutch. I know every parent has different beliefs and parenting styles and some will not agree with whatever I do choose to do I just want whatever I choose to be best for her.


kit_manson
by New Member on Feb. 9, 2016 at 8:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I would not consider depo provera as it can cause bone density loss. Women are already more susceptible to bone density loss. I personally would not consider it safe without an exercise regimen to strengthen the bones, and I don't know what physical limitations she has. Also, I would want to know more about why it can cause this. Does it interfere with calcium? If so, it may also affect muscle contraction and blood clotting. In a healthy individual, this may not be a concern, but we must always take more care when health issues are already present. I would bring this up with yor doctor and discuss the pros and cons, and the possibility of calcium supplementation if needed.

As for explaining her body, the books "It's not the stork", and related books are wonderful tools. They serve as a great starting point, and from there you can answer any questions that come up. Does your daughter understand pregnancy?

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