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PIOG: Am I Over Reacting ????

Posted by on Nov. 28, 2016 at 1:25 AM
  • 4 Replies

I have a 13 year old daughter from an ex boyfriend, who married another woman who had two boys and was pregnant with another man's baby. They married, and then divorced 5 yearrs later due to her abuse and her cheating on my ex boyfriend. Anyways, Here it is a few years later, and he took her back again. She is living in his two bedroom mobile home with her four kids. All boys. The oldest is 17, then 15, 13 and 8. The 8 year old is my daughters step brother. The 13 year old is a boy that stuck a toy knife up my daughter anus when they were 6 years old. (This was investigated by CPS and found that it wasn't "abuse" but they were playing "doctor". ) My daughters father was very close to this boy until his divorce from her mother and never believed that it happened. Anyways, fast forward time... They are living in my exes 2 bedroom mobile home. The three boys who are not related to her are all teenaged boys. Teenage boys = hormones. My 13 year old daughter told my 21 year old daughter, that when she was there for Thanksgiving, she has three of the youngest boys staying in her bedroom at her dad's. She said that the 15 year old was masturbating in the same room as her and was making moaning noises. The 15 year old boy is mentally disabled and about 3 weeks ago, tried to stick skewers up their two dogs noses. OY VEY! Anyways, my daughter was supposed to go with her dad this weekend and got VERY snotty and rude on the phone to him. (This was before I knew about the whole masturbating thing). Shouldn't my daughter, since she's the ONLY girl have her own bedroom to herself? A safe place away from the boys? And the masturbating thing... I know that it's normal for a boy to do that, but in same room as a girl?? My daughter was clearly upset about it. My only fear, and this may be crazy sounding... But I'm afraid that he's going to try to have sex with my daughter. I've already had a chat with her dad three weeks ago about making sure that Isabel had her own room to escape the boys, but apparently this isn't working. What would you do?? And how would you feel about the masturbating thing in the same room as your daughter? and no... I'm not a prude.

by on Nov. 28, 2016 at 1:25 AM
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Replies (1-4):
MixedCooke
by on Nov. 28, 2016 at 1:41 AM

After a certain age, yes boys and girls are required to have their own bedrooms. 

jjamom
by Michele on Nov. 28, 2016 at 2:27 PM
1 mom liked this
It is required that boys and girls have separate rooms after a certain age. This is enforced by CPS when they consider returning custody or removing children, and it is also considered in foster care and adoption home visits. So, I believe it should be the case in shared custody situations also. The masturbation thing only highlights how important it is that this rule be enforced. I think I would be contacting my attorney. Do you have a legal custody agreement?
jjsong
by on Nov. 28, 2016 at 5:43 PM

No you are not a prude.  I am wondering why your 13 year old is allowed to stay at her father’s house when they are unable to provide a safe place for her to sleep.  It sounds like there is no room in his mobile home if there are only 2 bedrooms.  I take it that the 17 year old sleeps out in the living room or den since you didn’t mention him being in the room with the other 3 boys.  I would also be worried as to her safety in such small quarters with 3 teen age boys and would not subject her to this uncomfortable if not dangerous living situation.  Her visits with her father need to be curtailed to day time visits outside of his home since he is unable to provide a room by herself.  A change in custody arrangements need to be addressed quickly.   As a 13 year old, she should not be forced to go to his home and would arrange for her to talk to her father  (with you present) as to why she is unwilling to sleep over at his house.  You are fortunate that she confided with your 21 year old daughter as children don’t always confide with their parents.  Hugs to you for reaching out for help!

!


Linagma03
by Platinum Member on Dec. 5, 2016 at 12:11 PM
I agree with the others that she shouldn't be having over night visits until she has a safe place to sleep. If you have a lawyer talk to him/her immediately and make changes to any visitation order that is in effect. At her age there are judges who take what the kid says into consideration, then there are many that don't so make sure that your lawyer has every possible thing and then go to court. Was it the sn boy that was playing "doctor"? With all you've said I would be keeping her at home until the situation has been addressed by a judge. I know that refusing or withholding visitation can cause some issues if he takes it to court before you do so you need to talk to the lawyer and get this taken care of immediately!
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