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Im a birth mom.

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 8:13 AM
  • 17 Replies

 Hello. I was invited to this group and decided to join because it seemed like it was going to attract more moms wanting to adopt. I thought i would post here to let you know that i had a baby at the age of 16 and chose adoption for my little girl. Shes now 3 years old and the best thing i ever did with my life. I love her and in giving her up i got a new family as well. I spend my holidays and birthdays with them and im definitely part of her life. Shes still too young to understand that im her birth mom but the day will come when she finds out. If i can give you any advice at all it would be to get to know the woman you are adopting from if possible. Shes one half of the baby you are having. And as a birth mom i know what goes thro our heads when we're are about to have the baby. Will i ever see her again, will they tell her shes adopted, will she think i didnt want her or didnt love her, or will she ever want to meet me? I hope you enjoy and have the best experience possible. :) Good luck.

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 8:13 AM
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by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 8:35 AM

Hello there.  Welcome to the group.   :) I have a very open adoption as well.  My son's birthmom comes to his birthday parties, came to his christening and we even share mothers day togheter.  It's very special and I wouldnt want it any other way.

Do you know there is a "birthmoms" group on cafemom as well.  I have been reading and posing in that group for a long time and have learned sooooooooooooooooooo much.  I think differently now about adoption.

It seems we are the minority when it comes to open adoption.  It's sickening actually.  Anyway I wont even get started cause it gets me mad.  :)



by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 8:42 AM

 I know we are and its very sad. The people who adopted my little girl wouldnt do a closed adoption because they thought it was creepy. You just get a baby from someone and have no idea where it came from or anything, its just heres a baby no dont ask a question  and go on with your life. She always said its practically criminal. Lol.

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 9:52 AM

Thanks for the info and for deciding to join the group.  I have had a very good relationship with our birthmom as well.  The is an angel to me and I feel as though I can never repay her for the blessing she brought into my life with my twins.  God Bless you for making that difficult decision.

Cafe Kelly
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 9:57 AM

Thanks so much for joining the group!

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:10 AM
I love your advice!! So true! I don't think I would've given up my boy if I didn't know anything about the adoptive parents or thought I couldn't contact them at all (like if I was in town or moved).
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by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 12:35 PM

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. You were wise beyond your years. I am so happy that open adoption can work for those in certain situations but

I would Never allow the bio mom of my boys to know who and where we are. She was beyond cruel to my boys and they deal every day with the effects of her abuse so in our situation if I had a choice it would be a resounding no. We live in the same town and the boys have asked if we ever see her or their step dad that we run as fast as we can away.

by Member on Aug. 17, 2011 at 1:02 PM

  Hello, thanks for posting your story.  I am blessed by adoption, and our son's birthmom is still a part of our lives.  We have such a special bond with one another.  I am so happy that we got to know one another so well during her pregnancy.  I think it is most important to keep this special friendship as 2 families come together for the love of a child.  My son's birthmom to me is an angel, and I will forever cherish the bond we have.  Her feelings have always matter to me, and I could not ever imagine not including her in every milestone he acheives.  I even called her the first day of school, of course I was crying and she was comforting You are so right it is great to know the woman you are adopting from, so glad you are a part of your daughter's life. 

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 1:14 PM

Thank you for sharign yoru story with us. I wish everyday that I could share my daughter's life with her birthmom. She was born in Korea and we have no contact with her. Unfortunately, in Korea, most birthmom's do not want to have contact with the adoptive families. They go through their pregnancies in secret and give up their babies to maintain their family honor. 

It is a horrible, backwards societal injustice that makes having a baby out of wedlock such a social stigma. These Birthmom's face being disowned and living on the street if they decide to keep their babies. They will "dishonor" thier family and cannot get any kind of assitance for living or food. 

Adopting within the country is difficult as well, since many Koreans believe that the only tie to family heritage is through the male blood line. So most Koreans will not adopt little boys. When they do adopt, they adopt an infant girl, and it is a crazy farce where the intended mother goes "away" for a few months and then "comes back"having "Had" the baby girl while away. They pretend it is their biological child and rarely tell the child they are adopted. It is so sad!

Our daughter knows she is adopted, she knows her adoption story, she looks at the pictures of Omma and Appa (Korean for Mom & Dad, and representing her foster parents who raised her for the first 10 months) everyday. 

We send pictures to Korea for her birthmom file, along with a letter about her and contact information, every year, around her brithday. I hope that even if her birthmom never contacts us, that she will at least see her baby girl and know from the letters and pictures how much we love her, how much she is wanted and how we wish we could know the amazing woman her gave birth to our daughter and then made such a difficult decision to provide a better life for her. 

We also send her foster parents pictures, a letter, and small gifts a few times each year.

I am envious of those who have truly open adoptions, and have a chance to know thier child's Birthmom, and I will do everything in my power to help my daughter search for her someday, if she desires to do so. 

You Birthmom's have given us adoptive parents the most precious gift in the world, and that gift can never truly be repaid. Thank you!

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 1:18 PM

I want this kind of relationship with my kids' bio mom, but we can't have that kind of relationship unless she is sober (which she's not). It makes me sad. :( 

As for my youngest William, (we didn't get to adopt him, he lives with his bio dad now) his bio mom is sitting on my couch right now. LOL She's like a sister to me.

by Claire on Aug. 17, 2011 at 4:42 PM

I truly wish that we had a relationship with our dd's birth family. Like another poster, our daughter is adopted internationally. Lilly is from China. 

Many women in China abandon their children as they will be fined or jailed if they have more than child or they are pressured by their MILs to have sons as daughters are not revered as boys are. 

We have tried to gain information, but have gotten stonewalled. Her former orphanage director refuses to share her file with us. Sigh...


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