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Relationship with the birthmom!?!

Posted by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 2:25 PM
  • 14 Replies
I am just curious of how you get along with the birthmom! I am in an open adoption n feel like I'm invading their space whenever I do contact them. They are very sweet, but they are the parent of my son now. Like when he was born, they were in town for 2weeks before heading home.. I didn't see him much, tho I really wanted to spend as much time as I could with him.

I guess I'm just wondering if it's ok to ask how he is doing, or should I just leave them be n let them contact me? We do not live in the same state, so it's not like I can just show up n say "hi".

-Dayna
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by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 2:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
scaryfairy81
by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 2:40 PM

In my case, I love it when I hear from Aiden's birthmom. I text and mail her pictures regularly, but I like when she contacts me, too, because I know she's busy and has a life of her own. But she says the same as what you are saying, she doesn't want to be a bother or feel like she's pushing, I try to reassure her that's definitely not the case and I like to hear from her and hear about what's going on in her life. We live in neighboring states, about 5 hours apart, and I don't get down there as often as I'd like, since we're a military family and have our families scattered all over the place, it's hard to divide the time to travel to see everyone as much as we'd like. But I'm always happy to hear from her and see her when we get the chance, she is truly part of our family and I love her very much! From an a-mom's perspective, don't feel like you are intruding or bothering them, they would probably like to hear from you!

jen.mom.of.four
by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 3:03 PM
We adopted from foster care, so our situation is different. We do not have any contact with birth mom or dad for safety reasons.
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prayinforlilone
by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 6:00 PM

I agree with ScaryFairy.  I wish our birthmom would text or call more.  I feel like I am intruding when I send her updates and pictures.  I feel like I am reminding her of the pain.  We live many states apart and she doesn't want visits, so all we have is phone calls and letters.  She doesn't write back either, so I haven't a clue what she is feeling or doing.  Our son is only 2 1/2 months old, so I am hoping that with time she does call more. 

Ask them how they feel about you contacting them.  I am sure that they would welcome the calls,

 

 

2Crazzie4U
by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 7:45 PM
Thank You Ladies!! :D
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harmony7
by Bronze Member on Aug. 18, 2011 at 10:22 PM

Our three were adopted from foster care also..no contact with Birth Family Ever on my watch...entire family was evil and my boys are still suffering from the horrific abuse

mamaof2monsters
by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 10:48 PM

I wish I could have known about my birthmom. =( If they agreed to an open adoption you should contact them. If you aren't being critical and just curious about your baby go ahead! Adoptive and birth moms love to talk about their kids so let them tell you stuff. My best friend adopted a baby and the birth mom NEVER contacts her. She has send scrapbooks and albums, but doesn't hear back. I think you'd be showing love for your child and love for the people who are raising him. HUGS

rainbowsrock
by Bronze Member on Aug. 18, 2011 at 11:16 PM

I agree. I actually feel like I am sometimes grieving the loss of my childs birthmom. I didn't think it would end up being that we were the ones wanting more contact. I get very excited when I hear from her. I am interested in her life, I want her in my child's life and there is a bond and respect that I hope will never be broken. Someimes I worry that my baby will grow up and run back to her. I hope he will grow up to love and have a great relationship with both of us.

waitng2Bblessed
by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 11:25 PM

I agree with rainbowsrock.  I feel the same way. i would love to hear from her more often!!  i too feel like i'm invading her space or "bothering" her when i try and text or send pictures. I am very interested in how she's doing and love to hear about her life since sam has been born.  i would say they love to hear from you the way we like to hear from our childrens' birthmoms!

Halokittie
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 2:16 AM

BM is hubby's niece so we are a little different. We have a pritty open policy JUST CALL FIRST. I wishshe would come by and spend time,..... take them to the park...etc.

She doesnt have the intrest in seeing them. I feel the driving force in her visits were sil hoping that she would develop some mothery instincts and we would back out and say ....oh nevermind we dont want them. I suspect that now that the adoption is final we wont see her much except at family things and when they go to SIL house to spend the night. We welcome her to stuff at school and games but she never comes

Its all wierd thou being kinship....... like their MeMaw(grandma) is still Memaw but she is not either of our parents she is hubbys sister and their and aunt is still their and but she is our niece..

Sorry back to the question..... as long as you are respectful to the new family you should ask.

clvahlberg
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:38 AM
I agree with scaryfairy. I love hearing from our DD's birthmom and talking to her about Babygirl. We are also military and live several states away, so visits are difficult to work out. But, when I don't hear from her, I start to worry. Her life is not very stable and I'm always afraid something will happen and her family won't think to let me know.
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