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How do adoptive moms REALLY feel about sealed records and the adoptees Original Bcert?

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 7:03 AM
  • 28 Replies

Please share your views

by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 7:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mcginnisc
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 7:13 AM

I find it abhorrent that adoptees are treated like second class citizens and do not have access to this document. It is their right just like a biological child's right to have their original birth certificate. 

Claire

STVUstudent
by Member on Aug. 19, 2011 at 7:33 AM

Tough call on this one.  For the women who voluntarily give their babies up for adoption at birth, how many would chose "another option" if they knew that the records would not be sealed/anonymous? 

scaryfairy81
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 7:42 AM

I have a good friend who was adopted at birth, and since she was 18 has been searching for her birthfamily and for her background and has run into nothing but dead ends. It's very hard for her and she feels like someone with no history. Even if her birthmother wanted nothing to do with her now, she said that wouldn't bother her as much as the fact that she is blocked from finding any REAL information about herself. Apparently people who were adopted through the LDS church are finding that sometimes their amended birth certificates have been altered to show different dates of birth, so it's much harder to find information on themselves.

scaryfairy81
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 7:50 AM

I want my(our, because that's really how I see it, he will always be her son, as well as ours) son to have access to any information he can get, if he so chooses. I don't want to hide anything from him or for him to feel he has been lied to...we have nothing to hide, although we don't have a lot of information on his birthfather, who has chosen to not have anything to do with any of us. Florida also has a reunion registry, so if for some reason we lose contact with her, he can register at age 18 if he chooses. But I will do everything I can to ensure that we'd always have contact.

adopteeme
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 7:58 AM

stvustudent

not that this is the total answer, but you can check abortion rates in the 2 states that have NEVER sealed records (Alaska and Kansas) and see that abortion rates are lower than sealed records states.

http://www.johnstonsarchive.net/policy/abortion/index.html#US

 

jen1130
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:07 AM
I don't really get the "adoption is a secret" I have 4 adopted kids and 3 bio kids. I have all the documents I could get my hand on. Our first was adopted at 15 mo but she came home from the hospital with us. Our other 3 came home at 3,9 and 12 and that was just 9 months ago. I have all the original Birth certificate's and ss cards. for all but 2. 1 because I never got it and the other the ss ofice took from me so I didn't tell the I had the 3rd childs.I want them to have all their stuff.

Our kids do talk about their bio family,we are more than ok with it but I do let them know that the things they did were wrong. They have to grow up knowing right from wrong.
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adopteeme
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:12 AM


Quoting scaryfairy81:

. Apparently people who were adopted through the LDS church are finding that sometimes their amended birth certificates have been altered to show different dates of birth, so it's much harder to find information on themselves.

not just the lds adoptees...
http://members.tripod.com/~gene_pool/3adofals.htm

isnt is odd that the mormons have the biggest database of family tree and genealogy  in the world?

scaryfairy81
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:22 AM
It is odd that they do that, yet they go to great lengths to ensure adoptees have a nearly impossible time in their own search for their roots!


Quoting adopteeme:



Quoting scaryfairy81:

. Apparently people who were adopted through the LDS church are finding that sometimes their amended birth certificates have been altered to show different dates of birth, so it's much harder to find information on themselves.


not just the lds adoptees...
http://members.tripod.com/~gene_pool/3adofals.htm


isnt is odd that the mormons have the biggest database of family tree and genealogy  in the world?


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harmony7
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:46 AM

I have three children adopted as older kids from foster care. Their parents were evil and I hope they are forever out of the kids lives but I have copies of their original birth certificates and I know the whereabouts of their birth parents. I also have talked to these people and have told them at some point in the future..my oldest is fifteen to expect us to drop in on them...as he really wants to ask a lot of whys. I have permission from these people to do so...but right now J does not know that.... We openly talk about them, their actions and the consequences of these actions and about the boys trying to find forgiveness in their hearts for them but that that does not mean allowing them back into their lives. I have also told the boys that IF they every want to find them and ask the hard questions then my only request is that I go with them to a neutral place.

I have three family members adopted from birth..two boys and a girl on two different sides of the family. All three of them have zero interest in finding the birth parents. They are all three adults with children of their own now. They feel as if they have a family that loves them and they have peace.

 I understand the child wanting to look for answers I know mine do...but I think the records should be sealed IF the birth mom wants them sealed...a child does not get a choice in abortion and get to ask why because it is the mothers right to abort...it seems to me it should be the mothers right with the same reasoning if the birth mother wants to seal the records. ...by the way I am pro life so not making an abortion support statement but the reasoning seems to be the same...mothers rights not childs rights.

On the flip side of that as an adoptive mom I would not want the boys birth mom to be able to pop in on us some day unannounced. I want my rights as their mother protected. She had a choice to get her life together and keep them or embrace where she came from...she chose to embrace her life and not them...I am so thankful she does not know me or my real name or where the boys are.

A Mom to nine sons and one daughter with six still at home!
adopteeme
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:32 AM

harmony, you'd defend your kids (evil- your words) mothers right - over your own childrens right to the OBC?  Didn't she loose all rights in the adoption of her children?  Why do you think children should be responsible to protect and fulfill adults wishes? Shouldn't it be the other way around? 

and, you said IF the birth mom wants them sealed.  Should states do that for THOUSANDS of moms across the board, when there are a small number that don't want the records opened? 

please see Oregon states stats in 10 years of Open records to the adult adoptee http://public.health.oregon.gov/birthdeathcertificates/getvitalrecords/pages/58update.aspx#05312010

number of records ordered in the 10 years: 84,177

number of (mothers) asking for NO contact in the 10 years: 826

moms that don't want to be found are the minority. 

Oregon did it right, balancing both the adoptee and moms right.  A natural mom who does not want contact can attach a letter to the OBC stating her wishes. The adult adoptee gets the records with or without mom wanting contact.

How many adoptees do you know that would seek rejection face to face? harass and stalk the nmom, knowing shes on record saying leave me alone? 

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