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Adoptive Moms Adoptive Moms

advice please. Sons homework assignment "Whats in a Name?

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Hi moms,

My 9 year old adopted son is in 4th grade. We discussed before school started that he was at an age he does not want to share he is adopted. Although most of his friends  already know. I did not tell his Teacher (but I'm sure she has access to his school records).

His homework assignment is to interview his parents about his given name and why. The questions do not apply to us. We did not name him. We choose to keep his given name from Birth mom because we always loved that name. (Matthew Ryan) of course we changed last name. His name means "Gift of God"

Advice how should we approach this project. Note says the answers will be used for a later project.

My son has stressed he does not want me to help him write the answers.

Should I contact the teacher? I don't want him to feel left out or asked uncomfortable questions he doesn't want to discuss.

Thanks How have you or would you approach this? 

 

by on Sep. 6, 2011 at 3:31 PM
Replies (21-22):
DJAKoala
by on Sep. 19, 2011 at 6:27 PM

Thank you moms for the great help.

I have since spoke with the teacher, she was very supportive and compasionate of my sons feelings.

She did know he was adopted, as this info is in his school file. She will not make him discuss or do any sensitive projects that make him feel uncomfortable.

As for the name paper,my son answered how he wanted to. He wrote my name was given tome at birth.

My mom and dad like the meaning which is "Gift of God"  It is also a family name because my grandfathers middle name is the same. I wouldnot change my name because I like it.

The next externded project was a collage with what ever you wanted to helpclassmates get to know you. He put pictures of our dog, himself and Pokemon stuff. Simple no big explinations.

We made it through this project, lets hope the future ones helpus better prepare.

SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on Sep. 19, 2011 at 8:01 PM

It's nice that the teacher chose a project that could be inclusive for every student, no matter their past. I am struggling with how to communicate the importance of this to my FS's preschool right now... He will be the only child in his class without a baby picture.

I may choose to fight this battle next year, since we are new to the school and at this time already making things very complicated with payments through DHHS, etc. But I do think it's often just thoughtlessness on the part of educators, it's perfectly possible (and appropriate) to allow the kids to choose how to "get to know you" rather than posting baby pictures which may/may not be relevant or even exist for a number of reasons...

It sounds like your son handled the name issue in a great way. Maybe it will have been a good conversation to have had, as he continues to think about the person he is and his place in your/his family.

Quoting DJAKoala:

The next externded project was a collage with what ever you wanted to helpclassmates get to know you. He put pictures of our dog, himself and Pokemon stuff. Simple no big explinations.

We made it through this project, lets hope the future ones helpus better prepare.


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