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Tension with Birth Mom

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 9:09 AM
  • 4 Replies

So as some of you know, my son has some special needs and speech apraxia is one of them. He understands what you're telling him and can follow simple instructions but doesn't talk a whole lot yet. He started head start this week and each day has started saying new words out loud, So I posted it on my fb page for my family friends since it's exciting stuff. Well anyways I just became friends with another cousin's wife on FB yesterday and she didn't know we adopted or even had any children at this point.. So this is what was said...Amy is ME, Melanie is Birth Mom, and Dawn is the other cousin's wife....


David learned a new word yesterday, "stop" And today he learned "sit ". Oh they're having fun with him! LOL

    • Melaniei bet he'll be talking like a storm soon:)
      15 hours ago ·
    • Dawn  Whos david?
      13 hours ago ·
    • Amy  Our son
      11 hours ago ·
    • Dawn Um ok?
      10 hours ago ·

So I wasn't 100% sure what to say to the WHo is david comment and I though OUR SON was safe. SInce he is not just my son, he is my husband's son, and my cousins son. So this morning...I have a message in my inbox on FB from Melanie stating "Does he look like them?" I think she meant to post it on the status as a comment but send it as a message instead. Should I just ignore her last comment? Delete the entire status? I don't want her to feel jealous and I allow her on my FB so she can stay up to date on David's progress. I still take him to see her even though her rights have been terminated. What would you do?






by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 9:09 AM
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Replies (1-4):
meam4444
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:13 AM

 Hmm...Im not sure what would be the right thing to do.  If it were me, I would maybe just ignore it?  But, again, no specialized experience in this area, so Im not entirely sure.

clvahlberg
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:20 AM

This is a tough one. Would it make you feel uncomfortable if Melanie had asked Dawn that on your status? Does everyone else on your page know that David is adopted and Melanie is his birth mom? Would you feel uncomfortable explaining that to Dawn or in your status? Maybe she was testing you to see how you would handle the conversation. Maybe she was looking for the opportunity to tell someone she is his birth mom.

S is on my fb and everyone knows she is Babygirl's birthmom. She still jumps at every chance to say Babygirl is her birth daughter. She is very proud (understandably) that she gave birth to her. It doesn't bother me, since everyone already knows and S seems to get some comfort out of saying it.

When she joined, I explained to everyone that I expect them to show her the same respect they would show any of my other friends and family. And she is to show the same respect in return.

She does occassionally make awkward comments. I try not to delete anything she says and explain things as gently as possible. I do say "our daughter" in conversations that S is involved in. If she says anything inappropriate, I send her a private message about it and have asked her to reword things that my family would find offensive.

I do also have a seperate fb page for S and her family and friends, and have told her any venting can be done there.

Hope this is of some help or maybe someone else can give you some better advice. This is just what works for us.

rainbowsrock
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:45 AM

Birth mom and I are not friends on facebook. We communicate by text and email. That would be a tough situation but I think this is great advice for anyone having birthparent concerns on social networking pages. Keep us posted Amy.

Quoting clvahlberg:

This is a tough one. Would it make you feel uncomfortable if Melanie had asked Dawn that on your status? Does everyone else on your page know that David is adopted and Melanie is his birth mom? Would you feel uncomfortable explaining that to Dawn or in your status? Maybe she was testing you to see how you would handle the conversation. Maybe she was looking for the opportunity to tell someone she is his birth mom.

S is on my fb and everyone knows she is Babygirl's birthmom. She still jumps at every chance to say Babygirl is her birth daughter. She is very proud (understandably) that she gave birth to her. It doesn't bother me, since everyone already knows and S seems to get some comfort out of saying it.

When she joined, I explained to everyone that I expect them to show her the same respect they would show any of my other friends and family. And she is to show the same respect in return.

She does occassionally make awkward comments. I try not to delete anything she says and explain things as gently as possible. I do say "our daughter" in conversations that S is involved in. If she says anything inappropriate, I send her a private message about it and have asked her to reword things that my family would find offensive.

I do also have a seperate fb page for S and her family and friends, and have told her any venting can be done there.

Hope this is of some help or maybe someone else can give you some better advice. This is just what works for us.


meam4444
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 11:32 AM

 bump for more mommas to see

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