We went through a privet adoption, the BM was our roommate before we knew she was pregnant and a little wile after the baby was born.
It was not an easy adoption. Things ran smoothly up until two months before the adoption was scheduled to be finalized. She got back together with the BF and told her family that she had a baby and he was being adopted, by this time our son was 15 months old and we had had him since birth and we weren't about to just hand him over. She had already given up her rights, and the bf's rights had already been taken from him. We were bombarded by her and her family, they stalked us, threatened to kidnap him, and kill us, and they threatened to call CPS on us for things they just made up.
They had a choice to show up at the adoption hearing and never did, but we spent the majority of our son's first two years of life worried that he would be taken from us at any moment. It was a bad experience. In some ways it ripped my husband and I apart, in some ways it brought us closer together, it changed us in good ways and bad.
We flip flopped in our guilt, over this family losing a grandson they never got a chance to have. Over her in the end apparently not being comfortable with the choice she had made, and with the fact that we were not going to let go of him. We cried, and prayed, and worried, a lot.
I haven't even written down the half of what they put us threw for the fear of them finding us again.
People ask us all the time if we're going to adopt another child, I want to so badly I dream about it, but I am so frightened about the road we will travel on to get there. Have any of you experienced anything like this with your adoptions? Is it normal to feel this way? Is it right of me to feel like I can't risk putting my family through that again, even if it means we will keep on feeling like our family is incomplete?
I was absolute in my answer that we would never, ever! Adopt again, but now, I'm not so sure, and I know that each and every adoption is different and can't help but feeling that tug of just one more, just one more time, just one more baby for my son to call brother or sister. Just one more.
I have so many questions and harbored feelings. I guess my main questions are
Have any of you experienced a nightmare similar to the one we went through?
Did you adopt again?
How do you heal from an experience like that?
Everyone tells me, I don't know what the problem is, you have him now, things are ok, quit worrying, but I can't. I am in constant fear that even though the adoption has been finalized for nearly two years now, that we will lose him or that the bio family will track us down and make our lives a living hell again. I wish I could let go of the fear, but I love this little boy so much, he is my world, and couldn't fathom having to live without him.