We adopted 2 kids they are half siblings. They have 2 more half siblings.(all same mother) the oldest is in a foster home the next county over and the youngest is still with the mother in the same county.
The youngest that we have does not know birth mom as anyone but a woman she has seen a few times, the older one still remembers her when he sees her. The adoption was finalized in sept 2011. We agreed to 3 visits a year as long as She stayed clean and didn't cause a scene or problems. We did 2 of the visits the first was horrible the 2nd one a little better.(the last visit was oct 2nd 2011) during this last visit she was heard telling our oldest that she was his mom and telling him to call me by my name. I didnt confront her because it was a bday party, but have since where she says no she didn't. The oldest has a lot of issues that we deal with on a daily basis and it's worse after any visit . It's down right horrible.
We were going to have a visit in february but our oldest when he found out we were going to see the baby and her started acting up really bad in the car on the way, so we changed our minds and didn't go.
Since then she has sent us 3 or 4 letters asking for a visit with the kids.
Now the dilemma. We don't know what to do. I feel bad that we aren't following through with our agreement. But on the other hand I don't know how bad the oldest will act after seeing her again. Or if she will be telling him that she is hismom etc.. We want the kids to know the baby but since the state is no longer involved this would also mean that they would see her as well.
What would you do? Do you have any suggestions? I was thinking maybe a letter and a couple of pictures.
Trying to explain things to her is impossible, she doesnt understand a lot of things you tell her, or she forgets what you say. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't know what to do.
The older sibling we haven't seen since oct 2011 the same visit. She caused a lot of trouble. And then didnt want to talk to us. Now within the last couple of weeks she has started asking her caseworker to set something up with us. We are just finding it a little hard to forget what she did and she didn't/wouldn't apologize until just the other day when we told her caseworker that we thought she should apologize. Her apology was everything we said to her caseworker she needed to apologize for, so it wasn't really a heartfelt apology. She is 13 almost 14 hrs old.
Oh Yeah the baby is 2 years old. I'm sorry this is so long. I was just trying to give some background. If you have any questions just ask. I will try to answer.