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Question from an adopted child

Posted by on Apr. 21, 2012 at 11:20 AM
  • 45 Replies

I am an adoptee (is that how you say it?).I know children get adopted for different reason and each story is different. But I was curious about how different adoptive moms feel about your adoptee child or children meeting there birth mom? And if  you are ok what age would you be ok? My adoption was a close adoption. So I know nothing about a open adoption. But I was curious about my birth mom around 1st or 2nd grade growing up. But I really felt like I need to know in my early teens. So my mom let me find my birth mom when I was either 13 or 14. She had died the year before the form cancer. Now my mom never stopped me from finding her I could tell it make her worried. But my mom is ok with it now days. So I was curious about other adoptive moms think on this. I can understand that it could be scary for yall. I also understand not all adopted story are because of nice reason. That the child went through some really scary stuff. So they would not want to see them again. Please don't anwser if you don't want too. I am curious and that curious nature of mine I sometime don't understand that I make them uncomfortable.

by on Apr. 21, 2012 at 11:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mcginnisc
by Claire on Apr. 21, 2012 at 11:24 AM

I am an adoptive mom and I have no issue at all with our daughter finding her first family. Unfortunately, the odds are so very slim since we adopted Internationally. We have no information, so no contact. We have tried to get information and we have hit a block by her orphanage director. He refuses to relinquish her file to us. 

Claire

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imamom88
by on Apr. 21, 2012 at 11:33 AM

wow really? why not. I would the child has the right to that info. Am I wrong?

Quoting mcginnisc:

I am an adoptive mom and I have no issue at all with our daughter finding her first family. Unfortunately, the odds are so very slim since we adopted Internationally. We have no information, so no contact. We have tried to get information and we have hit a block by her orphanage director. He refuses to relinquish her file to us. 


aprilz1225
by Silver Member on Apr. 21, 2012 at 11:34 AM

 our son's birthmom chose to not see him unitll he is 18 (he is now 6). i do wish we had more contact with her, we had a good relationship through her pregnancy and dilvery ( i got to help catch him and hubby cut the cord). I asked if she would like to hold him the few times she came to the nursery to see him and so did the nurses, she said no. i respect her decision and will encourage our son to speak with her when he is 18, but i cannot say he will, he will be an adult and will make his own decision. I did take a journal with me to every Dr. appt. i took her to, and every time we would go and visit her. I put in what ever story she would tell about her family. So i am hope'n this will help him till then and help him decide to communicate with her when he is 18.

aprilz1225
by Silver Member on Apr. 21, 2012 at 11:39 AM

 sadly, some international orphanages realy don't have the information, some children are still a drop off at the door., but if they have the info, they should give it.

Quoting imamom88:

wow really? why not. I would the child has the right to that info. Am I wrong?

Quoting mcginnisc:

I am an adoptive mom and I have no issue at all with our daughter finding her first family. Unfortunately, the odds are so very slim since we adopted Internationally. We have no information, so no contact. We have tried to get information and we have hit a block by her orphanage director. He refuses to relinquish her file to us. 

 

 

imamom88
by on Apr. 21, 2012 at 11:44 AM

Every child is different. I can believe someone not want to talk to there birth parents. It think its really nice you keep info on her. My mom would write down about thing she would hear about my mom. There really was not a lot. Except for news paper stuff on when she would get in fights and the cops with get called. My birth mom lived a rough life. My mom made her choices. I don't agree with them. But I forgive her for not being able to raise me and thank her for giveing me to a family that has taught me to be open minded and respectful no matter what I may go though. But everyone is different and see things differently.

Quoting aprilz1225:

 our son's birthmom chose to not see him unitll he is 18 (he is now 6). i do wish we had more contact with her, we had a good relationship through her pregnancy and dilvery ( i got to help catch him and hubby cut the cord). I asked if she would like to hold him the few times she came to the nursery to see him and so did the nurses, she said no. i respect her decision and will encourage our son to speak with her when he is 18, but i cannot say he will, he will be an adult and will make his own decision. I did take a journal with me to every Dr. appt. i took her to, and every time we would go and visit her. I put in what ever story she would tell about her family. So i am hope'n this will help him till then and help him decide to communicate with her when he is 18.


imamom88
by on Apr. 21, 2012 at 11:45 AM

I can understand that but still if they have info that should give it.

Quoting aprilz1225:

 sadly, some international orphanages realy don't have the information, some children are still a drop off at the door., but if they have the info, they should give it.

Quoting imamom88:

wow really? why not. I would the child has the right to that info. Am I wrong?

Quoting mcginnisc:

I am an adoptive mom and I have no issue at all with our daughter finding her first family. Unfortunately, the odds are so very slim since we adopted Internationally. We have no information, so no contact. We have tried to get information and we have hit a block by her orphanage director. He refuses to relinquish her file to us. 

 

 


aprilz1225
by Silver Member on Apr. 21, 2012 at 11:47 AM

 DARN RIGHT THEY SHOULD

Quoting imamom88:

I can understand that but still if they have info that should give it.

Quoting aprilz1225:

 sadly, some international orphanages realy don't have the information, some children are still a drop off at the door., but if they have the info, they should give it.

Quoting imamom88:

wow really? why not. I would the child has the right to that info. Am I wrong?

Quoting mcginnisc:

I am an adoptive mom and I have no issue at all with our daughter finding her first family. Unfortunately, the odds are so very slim since we adopted Internationally. We have no information, so no contact. We have tried to get information and we have hit a block by her orphanage director. He refuses to relinquish her file to us. 

 

 

 

 

SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on Apr. 21, 2012 at 11:49 AM
My son is 4, and he knows his birth family. He lived with them for the first 2.5 years of life, and supervised visits through foster care just ended in January.

We have requested a 6 month break in all contact in order to help him understand that he is now permanently staying with us. "Adoption" is an abstract concept for a 4yo. After that, we will resume contact in some way.

I can't really share all of the factors that affect future contact on a public forum. I will say that it's more than just personal preference or comfort level. I do hope to be responsive to my son's needs as he grows up; he does have a first mother and I know he may need more or less contact.

We do have some photos of him with both BPs, which we looked through recently at his request.
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aprilz1225
by Silver Member on Apr. 21, 2012 at 11:51 AM
2 moms liked this

 then i guess you can say you are your birthmom's greatest sucess story of her life. (i high-lighted what i was talking about). I am very sorry to hear of her passing.

Quoting imamom88:

Every child is different. I can believe someone not want to talk to there birth parents. It think its really nice you keep info on her. My mom would write down about thing she would hear about my mom. There really was not a lot. Except for news paper stuff on when she would get in fights and the cops with get called. My birth mom lived a rough life. My mom made her choices. I don't agree with them. But I forgive her for not being able to raise me and thank her for giveing me to a family that has taught me to be open minded and respectful no matter what I may go though. But everyone is different and see things differently.

Quoting aprilz1225:

 our son's birthmom chose to not see him unitll he is 18 (he is now 6). i do wish we had more contact with her, we had a good relationship through her pregnancy and dilvery ( i got to help catch him and hubby cut the cord). I asked if she would like to hold him the few times she came to the nursery to see him and so did the nurses, she said no. i respect her decision and will encourage our son to speak with her when he is 18, but i cannot say he will, he will be an adult and will make his own decision. I did take a journal with me to every Dr. appt. i took her to, and every time we would go and visit her. I put in what ever story she would tell about her family. So i am hope'n this will help him till then and help him decide to communicate with her when he is 18.

 

 

imamom88
by on Apr. 21, 2012 at 11:53 AM

I understand that.I think its nice that the child get to see his birth mom. I think I would be scaried that the kid would get confussed. But that is me.

Quoting SarahSuzyQ:

My son is 4, and he knows his birth family. He lived with them for the first 2.5 years of life, and supervised visits through foster care just ended in January.

We have requested a 6 month break in all contact in order to help him understand that he is now permanently staying with us. "Adoption" is an abstract concept for a 4yo. After that, we will resume contact in some way.

I can't really share all of the factors that affect future contact on a public forum. I will say that it


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