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School Bans Girls Without Dates From Going to Prom! What would you tell your daughter if her school had this attitude?

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School Bans Girls Without Dates From Going to Prom

Posted by Jeanne Sager

CorsagePop quiz time! Amanda Dougherty is 17 years old, and she just got dumped by her prom date. But her school has told her she can't go stag, because young ladies need a male escort in order to go to prom.

Now for the quiz part. Is Amanda Dougherty a 17-year-old in 1950? Or 2012? What? You said 2012? Let me tell you what you've won!

Your prize is to live in a world where the "war on women" that Fox is busy pretending doesn't exist is being waged against teenage girls, and their parents' attempts to teach them that there are more important things in this world than teenage boys!

Dougherty is a junior at the Archbishop John Carroll High School in the Philadelphia area, and the school is holding firm on its rules that girls need a male (come on, it's a religious school, that kind of goes without saying) date to prom. Fortunately for her, this 17-year-old girl has what every teenage girl needs: a father who understands that this type of patriarchal thinking puts girls back six decades. Jack Dougherty is fighting tooth and nail to get his little girl access to prom with the rest of her friends and without a guy on her arm. Yay Dad!

But I'm still floored that he has to fight this battle with any school, much less a religious one. And the way the school has referred to the prom as a "special social event" with this type of rules makes it clear that the school defines a students' worth based on their ability to couple up rather than something useful like, oh, I don't know ... their educational prowess, their behavior, their humanity?

Essentially, what a rule like this one does is undo all the work parents put into teaching their kids that there is much more to life than the approval of the opposite sex. Dating is fine in the teen years; I did it. I see nothing wrong with it. But we want to teach our kids -- both girls and boys -- that there is nothing wrong with being unattached, that their worth is in no way tied to whether or not they are home on Friday night or out parking.

I'd rather my daughter never have a boyfriend than date a guy because that's what society -- or backward school administrators -- are telling her she "has" to do. She's a person; her worth should be based on her, not who she dates (or doesn't). And the same goes for Amanda Dougherty.

What does this rule say to you? What would you tell your daughter if her school had this attitude?

by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 12:43 PM
Replies (201-208):
Iloveclay
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:06 AM
I would have my husband walk her inside, wait 5 minutes and then leave.. She came with a male.. Problem solved.
HamsterandCow
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 12:26 PM
It seems to me that this school is trying to be VERY old-fashioned. Since its a religious school, I'm sure they are trying to prevent gay students from going to the prom (except it doesn't say that there is a rule banning unaccompanied boys or pairs/groups of boys). This is ridiculous. My oldest goes to a large, 2nd best high school in the state, and their dances seem to mostly be kids going in groups, not so many couples. My son and his homecoming date are different races and not one rude comment. And we are in "backwards" Alabama. Too bad that school isn't more focused on REAL teen problems! I don't consider not having or wanting a boyfriend to be a problem.
jen1130
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2012 at 5:16 PM
This post does not tell the whole story....this prom is a "couples only even." boy/girl couples.
The kids can go as friends as but they can not be the same sex.
No matter how we feel about this poor young lady spending money on her dress and all everyone still has to follow the rules and this rule came from the church and the school must follow it.



Quoting HamsterandCow:

It seems to me that this school is trying to be VERY old-fashioned. Since its a religious school, I'm sure they are trying to prevent gay students from going to the prom (except it doesn't say that there is a rule banning unaccompanied boys or pairs/groups of boys). This is ridiculous. My oldest goes to a large, 2nd best high school in the state, and their dances seem to mostly be kids going in groups, not so many couples. My son and his homecoming date are different races and not one rude comment. And we are in "backwards" Alabama. Too bad that school isn't more focused on REAL teen problems! I don't consider not having or wanting a boyfriend to be a problem.

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supermama1000
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 5:23 PM

What if a male wanted to bring 2 girls ? Just saying in biblical times when a husband died did not another male step forward to look after her ?

janetm188
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 10:31 PM
Now you're just talking out your ass. Not all Catholics are bad. I'm sorry one scarred you so bad. But I went through catholic school grades k-12, and my hs had no issues if a girl wanted to go stag. Actually, they pressed girls to be more independent and not so dependent on a man.

And as far as your botched wedding...that's being a catholic...if you believe in the religion, then you would want to raise your kids that way. However, I know people married in a catholic church where only one member had to be catholic, no conversion of the bride. Obviously you and your former fiance wouldn't have lasted anyway so good for you. But to bash on my religion for our stronger/different belief in god, well, that's just wrong. I don't believe your religions bad or good. Just different. To each his own...that's what makes the world go round.


Quoting mik1of3:

What would I say?  "I told you Catholics had a screwed up mentality!  Good thing you go to this school strictly for the academics...now you know who NOT to marry!" And I would deduct the cost of her dress, flowers, ticket, etc from my montly tuition check.  If they claim that isn't part of their policy, then I would respectfully ask them to show in the handbook of policies, procedures, and rules where, exactly, it states that no student can go stag to a prom.  Goose, meet gander.
I was engaged to a helluva guy when I was younger...he was in the army, and I was ready to be an army wife.  However, he was a CATHOLIC soldier, and during our meeting with his priest, I was told I had to convert.  Nope, I said, I'm perfectly happy being a Lutheran.  Then, I was told I had to promise to raise our kids Catholic.  Nope, I said, we'll alternate churches.  They'll be confirmed in Catholicism at eight or whatever, then, if they decide they want to be confirmed in the Lutheran religion, we'll do that too.  The priest said do you plan on getting married in the Catholic church?  I said, Nope.  We plan on getting married on the beach, with my lifelong Lutheran pastor (the one who baptised me) and hopefully you.  He said if we did that, our marriage would not be recognized in the eyes of the Catholic church, our children would be 'bastards', and he wouldn't do it.  I said, fine.  Mark, my fiancee, was initially okay with what I said...but his mom got ahold of him..and in the end, we broke up. 
I just can't imagine a school behaving this way.  My daughter's school (yes, it's Lutheran) will let the kids come stag, or hell, they can bring as many of their outside friends with them to prom...as long as the kids are dressed properly, have tickets and behave, the more the merrier.  A lot of kids come stag, and just float from group to group.


Honestly, though, I can't say I'm surprised.  The Catholic church seems to operate on a plane opposite most normal people...esp where women and children are concerned.


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mik1of3
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 12:57 PM

You're probably right that we wouldn't have lasted.  I was still a teenager when we were engaged, and most of the time, those marriages don't last.  Plus, as much as I loved him, and he loved me, despite the fact that he was very much a man--he was also very much a momma's boy.  Pass on the momma's boy.  That would have driven me nuts.
Sorry my relating of my experience is 'bashing' in your view.  I am referring to just ONE instance..but it's not the ONLY instance I've witnessed.  Most of my friends are Catholic or Baptist, so I've seen many incidents of idiocy by the Catholic church.  That one is the one that stands out most in my mind.
The second is more recent--two years ago.  My bff was Catholic, and was told by her priest in 1991 if she married her husband in his Baptist church, that she was still expected to raise her children Catholic, and that unless a priest officiated, she was not married in the eyes of the church.  She told him "whatever' and married her husband anyway...but they did keep attending her church almost every Sunday-going to his every now and then.   Her church kept cashing those checks, even when the husband they didn't 'recognize' wrote them!   They were married for almost 20 years when her DH was diagnosed with stomach cancer.  Guess which church stepped up and was there for both of them in those horrible months when he was dying?  Certainly wasn't the Catholic church.  It was HIS.  After he passed,  she went ahead and converted to Baptist.  The blatant disregard for her husband because he wasn't catholic or her 'husband' (except when cashing the offering checks) in THEIR eyes totally burned that bridge.
And how you can defend a religion that has hidden and shielded pedophiles from the law, called the victims liars in public while paying them off behind the scenes, and done what it has in order to keep women slaves to their bodies is beyond me.

Quoting janetm188:

Now you're just talking out your ass. Not all Catholics are bad. I'm sorry one scarred you so bad. But I went through catholic school grades k-12, and my hs had no issues if a girl wanted to go stag. Actually, they pressed girls to be more independent and not so dependent on a man.

And as far as your botched wedding...that's being a catholic...if you believe in the religion, then you would want to raise your kids that way. However, I know people married in a catholic church where only one member had to be catholic, no conversion of the bride. Obviously you and your former fiance wouldn't have lasted anyway so good for you. But to bash on my religion for our stronger/different belief in god, well, that's just wrong. I don't believe your religions bad or good. Just different. To each his own...that's what makes the world go round.


Quoting mik1of3:

What would I say?  "I told you Catholics had a screwed up mentality!  Good thing you go to this school strictly for the academics...now you know who NOT to marry!" And I would deduct the cost of her dress, flowers, ticket, etc from my montly tuition check.  If they claim that isn't part of their policy, then I would respectfully ask them to show in the handbook of policies, procedures, and rules where, exactly, it states that no student can go stag to a prom.  Goose, meet gander.
I was engaged to a helluva guy when I was younger...he was in the army, and I was ready to be an army wife.  However, he was a CATHOLIC soldier, and during our meeting with his priest, I was told I had to convert.  Nope, I said, I'm perfectly happy being a Lutheran.  Then, I was told I had to promise to raise our kids Catholic.  Nope, I said, we'll alternate churches.  They'll be confirmed in Catholicism at eight or whatever, then, if they decide they want to be confirmed in the Lutheran religion, we'll do that too.  The priest said do you plan on getting married in the Catholic church?  I said, Nope.  We plan on getting married on the beach, with my lifelong Lutheran pastor (the one who baptised me) and hopefully you.  He said if we did that, our marriage would not be recognized in the eyes of the Catholic church, our children would be 'bastards', and he wouldn't do it.  I said, fine.  Mark, my fiancee, was initially okay with what I said...but his mom got ahold of him..and in the end, we broke up. 
I just can't imagine a school behaving this way.  My daughter's school (yes, it's Lutheran) will let the kids come stag, or hell, they can bring as many of their outside friends with them to prom...as long as the kids are dressed properly, have tickets and behave, the more the merrier.  A lot of kids come stag, and just float from group to group.


Honestly, though, I can't say I'm surprised.  The Catholic church seems to operate on a plane opposite most normal people...esp where women and children are concerned.



Twinwolfsister
by on May. 2, 2012 at 2:15 PM

Id say to be yourself and show the hs where to shove it and Go anyway.

Ms.Gwen
by on May. 2, 2012 at 2:47 PM
Keep my kids in public schools.
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