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Adoptive Moms Adoptive Moms

foster parenting

Posted by on May. 3, 2012 at 4:00 PM
  • 5 Replies

 Starting classes next friday. I am so excited. I lost a baby last year and having problems getting pregnany and I no that helping other people will make me feel so much better maybe we will be lucky enough to adopt. which i would really LOVE to do.

 

Any Advice?!?!?

by on May. 3, 2012 at 4:00 PM
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Replies (1-5):
SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on May. 3, 2012 at 5:06 PM

Hi Melissa, welcome! I'm sorry to hear of your recent loss and your struggles with starting a family.

My husband and I are licensed foster parents, just coming up on our first renewal after 2 years. We have our home on hold (taking no new placements) currently while finalizing the adoption of our 4yo foster son, and we're not sure what will happen after that. :)

One piece of advice I have for you is to keep a copy of all the paperwork you submit. Whether it's the assignments you do for your training class, documentation from a doctor or workplace, etc, DHHS is a beauracracy... And things can get lost! Better to just keep everything on hand in a backup file in case you need it for whatever reason.

It sounds like you are already well aware that the primary goal of foster care is to help a family become safe and stable so the child can return to his/her parents. (AKA reunification.) Be prepared for a roller coaster in that process. In any child's case, things may change from day to day depending on who you talk to, the last actions taken by the parents, and professional recommendations... What I have learned is that no one person actual has the complete story, no matter what they tell you.

Also, here is a recent post from someone else who is starting towards foster care: http://www.cafemom.com/group/115128/forums/read/16498567/Im_so_excited There may be some helpful advice in that thread as well.

cnoelc
by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:59 PM

Hello, Melissa!  

We adopted through foster care.  The one thing I offer is that it is important to be guarded with information and with the birth families.  I guess I would offer my opinion (and that's all it is) that it's okay to be optimistic.  Guardedly optimistic, but optimistic.  It's okay to hope.  There are good outcomes.  Good can be an operative word.  

What I mean by these things is that you will hear a lot of horror stories.  Sometimes things don't work out.  It will be harder than you think, most likely.  But, it will be worth it.  And just because the cashier at the grocery store's cousin (or whoever) had a kid in their house for four years and the kid was returned the day before he was adopted (or whatever the nightmare story is) don't let it get to you.  Every county is different.  Every caseworker is different.  Every state is WAAAY different.  You know what's best for you.  You know what you are capable of.  You'll grow a thick skin, you'll find your sense of humor.  You'll cry.  You'll love beyond any amount you knew existed.  You'll do great.

"Every child should spend a substantial amount of time with somebody who's crazy about them.  There has to be at least one person who has an irrational involvement with that child; someone who thinks that kid is more important than other people's kids, someone who's in love with them and whom they love in return."

Joe J. Christensen

meam4444
by on May. 6, 2012 at 7:10 PM

Welcome to the group--so sorry about your loss.  While I have never been a foster mom, here is a bump for you.  I hope more mommas are able to help you as you begin your journey. 

Isaacsmom913
by on May. 7, 2012 at 6:50 AM

We go to our orientation on the 16th.  We have already adopted privately and like you would adore adopting via foster care--but with our limitations-age, and special needs I'd imagine we'll have a long wait for placements-but like you hopeful (though gaurdedly)

jen1130
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2012 at 8:10 AM
I always say foster to adopt is still like labor... I gained weight with each kid no matter how they got hear. Stress is stress. We adopted our 4 th child at 15 months( 3 bio sons) but we had her from day 2 of her life. She is amazing !!!!
She is 11 now. We also almost 1 yr ago adopted sibs a girl 12 and 2 boys 9 &3. Here it is 1 yr later and they are really our kids. They fit right in: )
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