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Hey mamma's is your adoption opened as in the birth mom or parents still sees the child or closed? If opened how does your child react? We adopted my son at the age of 6 who is my DH's brother after taking him in at the age of 4. It is an opened adoption so his mom still visits him and my DH let's her take him for over night visits. Idk if it confuses him cuz when he gets home he has an attitude. It makes me sad that he calls her mom one since I am the one who has been raising him for almost 3 yrs. How do you ladies coop with opened adoptions
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by on May. 14, 2012 at 12:22 PM
Replies (11-16):
by on May. 18, 2012 at 3:28 PM

We have an Open. The birth mom has an older daughter who wants to keep in contact. Birth Grandparents also occasionally visit. Our daughter is only 18 months old, so she will grow up with relationships with both. Maybe issues will come later, but it works for now.

by on May. 21, 2012 at 9:20 AM

my daughter was adopted at birth, i picked the family, they are great. we have a open adoption and it works great for us, they visit me and my family 2X a year and we are planning on going to their home town for the weekend and stay at their place. she knows i gave her as a gift to her mommy and daddy and that she came from my belly. she knows my kids are her brothers and sisters. me and her mother joke all the time that when she is a teen and is giving them a hard time that she is going to ship her back. there is no fear in our relationship. we soon with be using the term birth mother( she is almost 6) i love her dearly and she knows that. giving her up was the hardest thing i have ever had to do. but when i had her i was in a bad place........but i was never unsafe, thats why our open adoption works so well. we are a part of that family and they are a part of ours. as far as open adoption goes i think we have a great one. its not for everyone, but i think that if the birth mother is a good person and you click, then it can be great for everyone

by on May. 21, 2012 at 2:46 PM
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Wow...these are some amazing posts! Ours is an open adoption as well and at first with my 2 yr old dd, the bm was living out of state and that was comfortable with us so that we could establish a bond as being her parents (we've had her since birth).  Now that we have adopted our nb son (from the same bm), we are now living in the same state, practically across town from one another so yes, this will become very interesting as the kids get older. On easter sunday, bm wanted to pick up my daughter for a few hours to do easter egg hunting (I refused, wasn't feeling well, hubby is deployed...etc,etc,etc) and she got all kinds of upset that I didn't trust her...blah, blah, blah!

I don't think we'll be doing the overnights either as they get older, but we will let them know who she is and set boundries with them....I've known her family a long time so of course our family grew to include hers, but yes it can be a delicate situation as well. Bm does address us as Mommy and Daddy and we've agreed for now to call her Miss (???)...sometimes I have slipped and called her mommy, but my DD didn't even catch on to it...she's too young....who knows where this will lead eventually? Only God will know as the kids grow up and form their own opinions and bonds with bm....I can only hope that as we raise our kids, they will know that just b/c they were adopted, doesn't mean we don't love them any less/more than she does....Does that make sense?

by on May. 26, 2012 at 2:06 AM

I did an open adoption when I was a teen.. Fifteen years later my son knows who I am, and has known since he was about four years old. I do not think that it is confusing when there are boundaries set, and there is an understanding between you and his birth mother. YOU are his mom because you're the one taking care of him.. In the very beginning my sons mother and I made very clear boundaries about what we would tell him and how we would explain who I was. She took the intiative and told him that if there was no ME then there wouldn't be any them as in their family.

by on May. 26, 2012 at 1:10 PM
I'm sorry your son's bio grandparents aren't supportive. I'm sure they're still grieving their daughter, but in the meantime they're missing out on the miracle of this sweet boy. :-( I can't imagine what a difficult circumstance it is for everyone. Hopefully as your son grows and they see (even through letters/pictures) what a precious child he is, they'll come to a place of celebrating his life.

Quoting tiredmomma1989:

We have a semi open adoption with my son's grandparents. We send them cards and pictures every few months. They feel that we where wrong in being there for thier daughter, when she refuse to terminate our son and do the cancer treatments. We live 5,000 miles away and even if we did live closer, we would not allow overnights or any visits that one of us wasn't there for.

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by on May. 29, 2012 at 2:45 PM
I think intra-family adoptions are always messy.
We are in the process of adopting our nephew, BM/BD don't recongnize us as caregivers let alone parents. We are planning on an open adoption, with strict parameters. Babes is still very young and TPR is just around the corner. So we will be crossing the vistation bridge soon. Birth parents have declined vistation so far.
It's hard with family. Feelings get hurt and toes get stepped on,family support is divided. Good luck!
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