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Adoptive Moms Adoptive Moms

Took a slight break

Posted by on May. 15, 2012 at 9:55 AM
  • 9 Replies

I know I've only posted here and there since this past weekend. Sorry. I had to take a break from the adoption groups for a few days. Mother's Day pushes me over the edge and I have to step away so I'm not a complete wreck. 

I detest the fact that I celebrating in the wake of someone else's grief in order to celebrate Mother's Day, therefore I detest the holiday.I was a in a funk all day on Sunday so I kept my nose in my Nook to keep from falling apart all day...luckily, my family was great about it and understands. I put on a happy face for the kids, but they were playing with their cousin all day and they were fine with me reading. It is compounded by the issue that Kahlan was stillborn a week after Mother's Day in 2003... we are coming up on her 9th birthday in 5 days and this is always a tough week for me. Thankfully, I have a ton to keep me busy this week. 

I will try to be more active the next few days now that Mother's Day is over. 

Claire

Moderator: Healthy Weight Loss & Adoptive Moms

" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13

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by on May. 15, 2012 at 9:55 AM
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Replies (1-9):
SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on May. 15, 2012 at 10:12 AM
(((HUGS))) Sorry for your loss.
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meam4444
by on May. 15, 2012 at 10:21 AM

hugs

jen1130
by Bronze Member on May. 15, 2012 at 10:48 AM
I used to be sad about our DD birth mom and all of her issues but I just look at my DD and I know how much better it is for her to be Adopted rather than be raised in the gang life.
I know that god saw to it that she was made for us.... And that was her birth moms only chance to really get the help she needed. So for me it is more sweet than bitter these days.

I was pregnant with twins 5 years ago and lost 1 early and the 2nd I lost much later it was very traumatic so I know the pain. I don't talk about it much to any one.... I feel like most people just don't get it.
Kind of interesting that May 25 2007 is the day I lost him and our first AD was adopted May 25 2001 our next 3 kids were adopted May 25 2011.
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Isaacsmom913
by on May. 15, 2012 at 3:50 PM

Similar situation-our biological son was due on 12/16/08-our adoption was final 12/16/2011. God DOES work in mysterious ways!

Quoting jen1130:

I used to be sad about our DD birth mom and all of her issues but I just look at my DD and I know how much better it is for her to be Adopted rather than be raised in the gang life.
I know that god saw to it that she was made for us.... And that was her birth moms only chance to really get the help she needed. So for me it is more sweet than bitter these days.

I was pregnant with twins 5 years ago and lost 1 early and the 2nd I lost much later it was very traumatic so I know the pain. I don't talk about it much to any one.... I feel like most people just don't get it.
Kind of interesting that May 25 2007 is the day I lost him and our first AD was adopted May 25 2001 our next 3 kids were adopted May 25 2011.


Malley
by on May. 15, 2012 at 4:10 PM
I'm sorry.Hugs to you.
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aprilz1225
by Silver Member on May. 15, 2012 at 4:53 PM

 Hugs and prayers

SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on May. 15, 2012 at 10:03 PM
1 mom liked this

Claire, I wanted to revisit this because I've been thinking about your Mother's Day experience all day.

I can certainly understand why you are feeling what you are feeling. After all, it's highly likely that Lilly's first mom didn't have much of a choice in leaving her with the orphanage, based on the little I know of Chinese family laws and cultural customs. And you have shared just a glimpse of the grieving process that Lilly is going through recently, so it makes sense that this would be fresh on your mind.

I guess I'm just wondering if there is a way to recognize that God has (or will!) worked good out of all this loss and pain that precedes adoption? Because I think you and I would both find that to be true, that God redeems the brokenness of our world. I don't know, I'm just thinking about balancing grief with the very real beauty that is your family. And I'm not trying to offend or tell you how to feel, because of course I can't do that. Just sharing a little bit of what I've been sifting through in my heart, in light of what you have shared.

I look at my own son, and I very much resonate with what Jen said... This boy was meant for our family, and our family for him. I cannot for a minute understand the WHY behind all of the pain and loss that led us to this place of adoption, nor can I fathom the WHY of his first few years of life. What I can do is to move forward in faith, and to love my family with all that I have... And to try as best I can to act with grace and mercy towards others, including my child's first family. Does that make sense?

mcginnisc
by Claire on May. 16, 2012 at 7:23 AM


Quoting SarahSuzyQ:

Claire, I wanted to revisit this because I've been thinking about your Mother's Day experience all day.

I can certainly understand why you are feeling what you are feeling. After all, it's highly likely that Lilly's first mom didn't have much of a choice in leaving her with the orphanage, based on the little I know of Chinese family laws and cultural customs. And you have shared just a glimpse of the grieving process that Lilly is going through recently, so it makes sense that this would be fresh on your mind.

I guess I'm just wondering if there is a way to recognize that God has (or will!) worked good out of all this loss and pain that precedes adoption? Because I think you and I would both find that to be true, that God redeems the brokenness of our world. I don't know, I'm just thinking about balancing grief with the very real beauty that is your family. And I'm not trying to offend or tell you how to feel, because of course I can't do that. Just sharing a little bit of what I've been sifting through in my heart, in light of what you have shared.

I look at my own son, and I very much resonate with what Jen said... This boy was meant for our family, and our family for him. I cannot for a minute understand the WHY behind all of the pain and loss that led us to this place of adoption, nor can I fathom the WHY of his first few years of life. What I can do is to move forward in faith, and to love my family with all that I have... And to try as best I can to act with grace and mercy towards others, including my child's first family. Does that make sense?

Sarah, 

I am so conflicted about this whole thing. I know God is present in ALL of this and that He has that plan that I don't understand. It was obviously part of His plan for Lilly to be in our family and for that I am so very thankful as I cannot fathom not having her in my life. She is truly a blessing in my life. 

It is very fresh as Lilly is openly grieving her loss, and it is thoroughly compounded by Kahlan's birthday being in 4 days. This week is hard every year...it is really the only time of year I become truly maudlin about Kahlan's death. It was so unexpected for us to lose her. I had just had an ultrasound and all was fine. Three days later, I woke up and she was not moving, which was very unusual as she was an acrobat. I was sent to L&D and we found out immediately that she was gone. It was such a traumatic experience as my body began shutting down after 3 days of induction. I had to have an emergency c-section that revealed a uterine infection caused by Kahlan's rapid deterioration. If they had waited any longer to do surgery, I would have died. I spent over a week in the hospital and all I wanted to do was come home and grieve in the privacy of my own home. 

I'm not sure if it would be "easier" if I hadn't gone through such a traumatic time or not, but this time of year always brings forth a lot of memories. 

I appreciate your response. Thanks for your insight. 

Claire

Moderator: Healthy Weight Loss & Adoptive Moms

" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13

Join theAdoptive Moms group

SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on May. 16, 2012 at 9:55 PM

As is so often true, words are inadequate in the face of you and your family's loss. All I can say is that I'm so sorry, and I will keep you in my prayers this week.

hugs

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