Not only are we asked everywhere, "where is his/her real mother" but now we (adoptive moms) have to deal with slogans like "real women have stretch marks", and magazine articles like "are you mom enough because you breastfeed". WTF?
When will this ignorant discrimination end? Its starting to get on my last nerve. Im the real mom who wakes up in the morning with swift kick in the face froma toddler, walks to the bathroom and steps on a matchbox car, makes breakfast so my kid gets his nutrients, loves him unconditionally, packs his day with activites that will develop his brain and muscles...etc
How much more real can it get? And then Im slapped in the face with this bullshit? And lets not forget all of the negative portrayals of adoption in Disney movies Im going to have to gently explain to my kid. For instance, and the one that pissed me off most, was Kat vs Kid when tehe older sister says to the main charachter, "mom and dad are going to put you up for adoption" if you do that. So now I have to convince my kid that he didnt do anything wrong when he was born and thats not why he was "given up" (oh what a wonderful term) for adoption.
Rant over...
M
I've got the stretch marks, and please believe me, there is NOTHING glorious about them. They are ugly. I also breastfed seven babies, but that was 15 years ago, and I'm not breastfeeding anymore, nor have I ever breastfed the three adopted ones.
But I'm still the mom!!
There was lots of profanity in your post, hon...
Carla Raley, wife of Bill, mom of 10, foster mom of more than 50
Visit my blogs for stories of the life of an older mom raising a large family, foster/adoption and homeschooling
http://raleyfamilysfarm.blogspot.com/
http://bookreviewsbycarla.blogspot.com/
As for the REAL MOM my older adopted kids still at times will say well my real mom or my real dad or the step mom/dad. When they do it's always about them going to jail or doing drugs or running from the cops with my kids in the car....so if they need to make sure who ever they are talking to know what parent they are talking about I am ok with it. Do I wish they would call them by name or something? Sure but it is what it is and I am just happy to have my kids!
As for stretch marks you know you can kind of turn it around if it is said to you.....just say wow you can adopt and still have a bikini body stretch mark free: )
As for BF not everyone does it some are freaks about it but what can you do? When people become mom's they become the most opinionated people ever.....basically a mother in law.lol
Just try to roll with it.
If I try really hard to let it bother me, I can find something offensive in much of "media" today. I've simply chosen to not allow that stuff to have an impact on me.
Years ago(before the internet) I remember a hairdresser saying something like this: "All of these women come in asking for the Alexis Carrington hair-do and not a one of them realizes its a wig." It took me a while to get it, but get it I did. Its all in perception.
xo
You know what else gets me? The number of people who assume my dd is extremely involved in their lives and financially supports them.
I have never given birth, and none of this bothers me. I know without a doubt that I am a real mom, and what really matters is me and my family. Not labels or t-shirts or "shocking" magazine covers.
Who are we living our lives for? NOT for the media or for complete strangers in WalMart.
I agree that there are challenges to adoptive parenting, especially in protecting our children from mistruths and stereotypes. Children are too young to sort those things out on their own. As adults, we are able to do so.
Jen has a good point in that you can always educate those around you, if this is something that really bothers you.
well i have two bio kids and i have NO stretch marks yet i have them from when i was a teen and got a bit fat makes no sense lol . also i ccould not breastfeed my baby were bad larches and i have flat nipples , oh an i all so get a lot of comments as i had sections i could not care less . a few people have said " did you not worry that you wont bond right with them"as you missed that bonding time" emmmmmmmmmmmm no let see my skids that i am adopting have attachment issues and the were born the normal way my baby are happy healthy and well attached
a REAL mum is the mum that care for you and loves you and cleans up your sick and take you to school and dose your home work and tell you off when your bad check you head . your REAL MUM is the one that's there for you your hole life no matter if your a brat or not . she the one who tells you no and play Santa . she the one who sits up for hours finding the stuff you want and wrapping them . she the one who takes you the the dr's and is the bad guy when you don't want to take that medicine as it taste yucky .
I don't care to be called a good person for adopting or fostering but just a mom, if I make a big deal about it it draws attention to the difference. If I am going to do that, I will do it well and educate people or at time point out rudeness.
I agree with many of the others. There are days that it drives me nuts and I want to scream. My ds recently asked me if it was bad to be adopted after a "you're adopted" joke he saw on TV. I was mad. But, I got to the point that I had to decide that I could either let it bother me, even though most people just aren't thinking about the implications in their words, or I could let it go and assume they didn't intend to be offensive. I have to admit, though, that there have been a few times when "real mom" questions were met with, "you mean the one that takes care of her every day and feeds her? Or did you mean her biological mom?" Yes. It's catty. But, it's only been a couple of times when I was at the end of my rope :)
At what age do you tell the child they are adopted?
- malloriewebb
on Jun. 6, 2012 at 7:22 PM