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Adoptive Moms Adoptive Moms

I'm not an adoptive mom but...

Posted by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 8:44 PM
  • 9 Replies

I need adoption advice!

My husband wants to adopt my son. He's been the only father my son has ever known, yet the "sperm donor" as we'll deem him, still has rights. I recently looked at step-parent adoption requirements in my state and I felt really overwhelmed by it all. What are we in for? What are some things to expect or advice you'd give to someone going through the process? If this is so not the right group please let me know!


Thanks!

by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 8:44 PM
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Replies (1-9):
HousewifeNina
by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 9:12 PM
As I have learned, you'll need to have a homestudy like all other adoptions. Is the biofather going to give up rights?
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Malley
by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 9:16 PM
Is the bf involved? If he hasn't been around you can try abandonment. Does he pay CS?He may like the idea of getting off the hook.
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SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on Jun. 7, 2012 at 9:51 PM

Welcome, I hope this group can be helpful to you. There is also a step parent group on CM that may have some good advice... I know we've had some crossover, but I don't belong to the other group so I can't say for sure.

I think one thing you need to be prepared for is that your son's bio dad will not just automatically lose his parental rights. You have to file to have those terminated before anyone else can adopt him. And in order for that to happen, he does have to be notified. I know the grounds for abandonment vary by state, so a family lawyer might be able to help you with that. And Malley brings up a good point, termination of rights ends CS as well... So I guess you might just think about the ways you'd expect your ex to respond if you filed to terminate his rights.

BAMBAMmommy
by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 10:54 PM

Thanks for the replies!

BF has not been involved at all. In fact, the last time we saw him was at my son's first birthday party...and he will be turning 4 in August. He has never contacted me to ask about him or anything. My husband and I just got married last month and in our state you have to be married for at least 6 months. I was holding out hope that we could just file abandonment and be done with it. That was until I received my first CS payment in December. He's not willingly paying it, the Child Support Enforcement agency garnishes his wages for it. And up until that point he had never helped at all.

I'm not entirely sure of the abandonment laws. I thought it was one year no contact AND no support, but it could be either or.

Malley
by on Jun. 8, 2012 at 9:32 AM
In our state abandonment means nothing...no phone calls, visits, presents, CS. When you start the proceedings bf is contacted and he could have one visit and you start all over again. You might try the CS angle.
Derek's bf had no contact for 2 years and when my dd called him for CS he blocked
her number. She filed for CS through the DA and that's when he called asking us to adopt which is what we had wanted.
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Malley
by on Jun. 8, 2012 at 9:37 AM
I want to add that we were the grandparents. Derek 's bf wanted to make sure my dd's boyfriend was not in the daddy role. Go figure-he didn't take care of his son but heaven forbid another man did. Anyway my point is your ex may fight for his rights so your dh can't be Dad.
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SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on Jun. 8, 2012 at 9:46 AM

Do you have any way to contact him? I think the easiest scenario for adoption is that you convince him to willingly sign away his rights. It will be a much shorter legal process if he relinquishes than if you have to take him to court to have parental rights terminated.

You can (possibly) file for abandoment, but that still requires he be notified and given a chance to fight for parental rights if he wants to.

meam4444
by on Jun. 8, 2012 at 12:13 PM

I have no experience, so here is a bump.

Isaacsmom913
by on Jun. 8, 2012 at 1:19 PM

I'd contact an attorney in your state--they generally offer a free consult.  They could give you the best advicbe and will be able to get any balls rolling while you wait out the 6 months.

Good luck.

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