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Adoptive Moms Adoptive Moms

How do you feel about Facebook as a way of contacting birth parents?

Posted by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 9:56 PM
  • 44 Replies
That is my only communication with them since I do not really speak to them. It drives me nuts that my friends and family are friends with them and always tag them in posts.
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 9:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
cjnaber
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 10:16 PM
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With one of the BM's I love communicating with her on FB. She and I have been through this for almost 10 years so we are close and have a real understanding and respect for boundaries. The other BM however, has abused it and I absolutely hate dealing with her altogether but especially on FB. My husband has been kind enough to email her pictures of the kids and the other day she posted the picture and then tagged the kids bio father's family so they could see the picture. I was FLOORED. I am debating on whether to delete her from my friends list!!

Malley
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 10:40 PM
2 moms liked this
I made up an alter ego and used that as my fb account for bio aunt. I updated with pictures, but she stopped responding a year ago. Biograndmother wanted to be my friend on my real fb, not the alter, but I did not accept it. I don't want her having that much access to my life .
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AimBre
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 11:35 PM

My husband and I have discusses this for once we get custody. We feel that right now it would not be okay, BM is not mature enough to not abuse it and start drama, their grandmother who has them now has also shown that she can not be trusted. She has admited that their abuser will be allowed back around them once he is out of prison, and said that their mother would not have contact and they were getting a restraining order against her yet just friended her on facebook. So we don't think they'll be allowed to be on our facebook's or have contact as they seem to not make the best decisions. 

feralkitten
by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 6:36 AM

i do noty have bm on my face book i have her blocked on mines but not of dh she not on his friends list ether . i have no one who her direct friend but she made friends with people who know my friends . so i have no idear if she posts photo up that i  give her but tbh i think she just playing i only have two kids card just now ( she has 4 !)

but i do have the bio auntie on my face book she just had a baby and were getting on ace or so i think lol

the kids meet the baby a month ago and the auntie for the 1st time in years with the gran it was really nice . the baby girl was looking at me and the gran turned around and said " is that auntie Sarah you looking at " i was really shocked to be called auntie but i no they no longer see bm so maybe they think this is easier for everyone

StA123C
by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 7:15 AM
Biomom tried to friend me, I blocked her... I think an alternate fb is a better idea.
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NannaBanana1983
by Member on Jul. 10, 2012 at 7:40 AM

 I did the same thing as Malley. I created another facebook and don't put any pics or have any other friend's on there. we just started talking to them and our adopition is not final yet. which is why I reached out. Trying to track them down so they can relinquish/be served termination papers. I do want the kids to know where they came from later on.

lilsweetpea708
by Member on Jul. 10, 2012 at 7:51 AM
1 mom liked this
Why don't you speak to them? Also why does it bother you that your friends and fam are friends with them an tag them? I am friends with my older sons birth momma,both grandmas(birth moms and dads),aunts,uncles,cousins,great aunts. For my younger two (same birth parents) I am friends with both birth parents, grandma,grandpa,step grandma,friends of theirs. It has been nothing but great. Never any drama,we are all respectful. I would never be angry if they post pics of the kids or tagged them. They are their children too. Its fb not your home or diary, if there is respect i don't see a problem at all.
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lilsweetpea708
by Member on Jul. 10, 2012 at 8:02 AM
2 moms liked this
Kind enough to send her pictures?? She gave you her child! That way of thinking I don't get at all,how is a picture hard to send. I am curious to know why it's so awful the child's bio family see a picture? Are they child molesters, murderers? I do not know the specifics of your adoption but it's normal for family to want to see pictures and know they kids are doing well. Can you imagine never seeing your child again not even a picture? Please think of this next time you floored your child's family might actually want to see a picture of them. Not to mention when your child grows up they will very likely want to see pictures of these people as well. Its human nature to want to know where and whom you came from. I'm sorry if this is a bit blunt,not trying to be mean I'm just very passionate about what's best for the child.

Quoting cjnaber:

With one of the BM's I love communicating with her on FB. She and I have been through this for almost 10 years so we are close and have a real understanding and respect for boundaries. The other BM however, has abused it and I absolutely hate dealing with her altogether but especially on FB. My husband has been kind enough to email her pictures of the kids and the other day she posted the picture and then tagged the kids bio father's family so they could see the picture. I was FLOORED. I am debating on whether to delete her from my friends list!!

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Malley
by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 8:02 AM
2 moms liked this
I don't know about the OP, but I don't want my boys' pictures posted and tagged by anyone because I don't want their pictures all over the internet. I keep my fb on the most private setting there is. I set it so friends of friends cannot see things.


Quoting lilsweetpea708:

Why don't you speak to them? Also why does it bother you that your friends and fam are friends with them an tag them? I am friends with my older sons birth momma,both grandmas(birth moms and dads),aunts,uncles,cousins,great aunts. For my younger two (same birth parents) I am friends with both birth parents, grandma,grandpa,step grandma,friends of theirs. It has been nothing but great. Never any drama,we are all respectful. I would never be angry if they post pics of the kids or tagged them. They are their children too. Its fb not your home or diary, if there is respect i don't see a problem at all.
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Malley
by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 8:08 AM
But you're talking about what is best for the biofamily, not what's best for the child. In this group, children have come to us from many different situations and yes, some of them ARE molesters and abusive.

Quoting lilsweetpea708:

Kind enough to send her pictures?? She gave you her child! That way of thinking I don't get at all,how is a picture hard to send. I am curious to know why it's so awful the child's bio family see a picture? Are they child molesters, murderers? I do not know the specifics of your adoption but it's normal for family to want to see pictures and know they kids are doing well. Can you imagine never seeing your child again not even a picture? Please think of this next time you floored your child's family might actually want to see a picture of them. Not to mention when your child grows up they will very likely want to see pictures of these people as well. Its human nature to want to know where and whom you came from. I'm sorry if this is a bit blunt,not trying to be mean I'm just very passionate about what's best for the child.



Quoting cjnaber:

With one of the BM's I love communicating with her on FB. She and I have been through this for almost 10 years so we are close and have a real understanding and respect for boundaries. The other BM however, has abused it and I absolutely hate dealing with her altogether but especially on FB. My husband has been kind enough to email her pictures of the kids and the other day she posted the picture and then tagged the kids bio father's family so they could see the picture. I was FLOORED. I am debating on whether to delete her from my friends list!!

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