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Isaac is sleeping on the couch so while I was folding laundry I was flipping through the TV channels and came across a show on TLC called Birth Mother.  Have any of you seen it?  Oh gosh the emotions it evoked in me!!!

The girls are from Utah so they only have 24 hours after the birth to change their minds-after they sign the adoption papers thats it they can not change their minds.  2 of them picked their adoptive parents 24 hours PRIOR to being induced! 

Anyway the one that really gave me pause was the birth mother who said to her adoptive parents "I have a favor to ask you"  and of course they are waiting for the shoe to drop  "I don't want you to ever tell him he's adopted"

I know the majority disagree with me on not telling them from birth...but what do you do in a situation like that?  Do you honor the birth mothers wishes?  The reason being is she didn't want him to be able to find her when he is older-so she had that written into her post placement agreement.  So what do you do?  Do you honor the birth mothers wishes? Or do you follow the PC thought of the day to tell them from birth that they are adopted and hope he respects the births mothers wishes of him not looking for her when he is older?  Of course the other vignettes were the standard "We will tell him (it was an all boy episode) how special you were, and we will send photos and letters..."  but the first one stood out...

I'm not trying to stir up trouble, I'm just curious...I'd love to see if this is on regularly at this time of day for I will add it to my schedule.  My luck it was a one time deal and won't be on again :(

by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 11:11 AM
Replies (21-30):
Opie99
by Member on Jul. 17, 2012 at 2:25 AM


Quoting lori3636:

I saw the show today, too. It was interesting. However, I missed that segment. For anyone whos seen it, i have a silly question. How does one go on tv, show their story, and then say "don't tell him he's adopted"? It's so public, what're the chances that nobody recognizes this family? How is it possible this little boy won't learn anything about his adoption or his birthmom if she's on tv??
Not a judgment, just a logistics question...

Exactly what I thought, Your on tv...your life is no longer private 

CafeMom Tickers
SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on Jul. 17, 2012 at 7:31 AM
Lol! Didn't even think of this, but of course you're right... Putting yourself on tv is pretty much waiving your right to privacy.


Quoting lori3636:

I saw the show today, too. It was interesting. However, I missed that segment. For anyone whos seen it, i have a silly question. How does one go on tv, show their story, and then say "don't tell him he's adopted"? It's so public, what're the chances that nobody recognizes this family? How is it possible this little boy won't learn anything about his adoption or his birthmom if she's on tv??

Not a judgment, just a logistics question...

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Isaacsmom913
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 11:10 AM
Good point being on tv! Even if the names were changed hello its on the net too
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Pogee
by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 8:59 PM
2 moms liked this

Hi, I know this post is old and I'm not sure if anyone is even interested anymore....

My name is Liz and I am the adoptive mother that you are asking about from the TLC show.  I was just online actually looking for a photo of Kandice to save and print up for my son's baby book and came across this thread.  Since the topic was treated w/respect here (I have read some really nasty and ingnorant things online), I thought I would respond if anyone still cares ;)

As you would guess, they are not able to show everything on TV.  We had a quite lengthy conversation at dinner that night that was not a part of the show. It ended with Kandice coming to the realization that what she was asking just wasn't realistic.  (We also thought she was nuts for going on TV and then expecting to keep it a secret!)  We never did and never would agree to lie to our son.  I also just wanted to point out another misconception that she picked us just before she gave birth.  I know that also wasn't clear, but she picked us well ahead of time and we had phone and skype conversations weekly--the dinner was just the first time we met in person :)

maggiemom2000
by Bronze Member on Oct. 16, 2012 at 9:31 PM
1 mom liked this

I think the child's best interests trump the birth mothers. She had a choice, her child had no choice in the matter and the child has a right to know they were adopted.

maggiemom2000
by Bronze Member on Oct. 16, 2012 at 9:32 PM


Quoting Pogee:

Hi, I know this post is old and I'm not sure if anyone is even interested anymore....

My name is Liz and I am the adoptive mother that you are asking about from the TLC show.  I was just online actually looking for a photo of Kandice to save and print up for my son's baby book and came across this thread.  Since the topic was treated w/respect here (I have read some really nasty and ingnorant things online), I thought I would respond if anyone still cares ;)

As you would guess, they are not able to show everything on TV.  We had a quite lengthy conversation at dinner that night that was not a part of the show. It ended with Kandice coming to the realization that what she was asking just wasn't realistic.  (We also thought she was nuts for going on TV and then expecting to keep it a secret!)  We never did and never would agree to lie to our son.  I also just wanted to point out another misconception that she picked us just before she gave birth.  I know that also wasn't clear, but she picked us well ahead of time and we had phone and skype conversations weekly--the dinner was just the first time we met in person :)

Thank you for that update :-)

SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on Oct. 16, 2012 at 11:59 PM
1 mom liked this
Thanks for sharing your perspective, Liz. And welcome to the group! As you've already noticed, this tends to be a place for respectful conversation and support. I hope you'll feel at home!


Quoting Pogee:

Hi, I know this post is old and I'm not sure if anyone is even interested anymore....


My name is Liz and I am the adoptive mother that you are asking about from the TLC show.  I was just online actually looking for a photo of Kandice to save and print up for my son's baby book and came across this thread.  Since the topic was treated w/respect here (I have read some really nasty and ingnorant things online), I thought I would respond if anyone still cares ;)


As you would guess, they are not able to show everything on TV.  We had a quite lengthy conversation at dinner that night that was not a part of the show. It ended with Kandice coming to the realization that what she was asking just wasn't realistic.  (We also thought she was nuts for going on TV and then expecting to keep it a secret!)  We never did and never would agree to lie to our son.  I also just wanted to point out another misconception that she picked us just before she gave birth.  I know that also wasn't clear, but she picked us well ahead of time and we had phone and skype conversations weekly--the dinner was just the first time we met in person :)


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Opie99
by Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 2:20 AM
Interesting. Thank you for filing us in. I hope you have a great time in this group.

There is another foster/adoption group that is super nice as well. It's a closed group so there is a bit more privacy. Frankly these are my two favorite groups on here. Very helpful, nice, kind-hearted women.


Quoting Pogee:

Hi, I know this post is old and I'm not sure if anyone is even interested anymore....


My name is Liz and I am the adoptive mother that you are asking about from the TLC show.  I was just online actually looking for a photo of Kandice to save and print up for my son's baby book and came across this thread.  Since the topic was treated w/respect here (I have read some really nasty and ingnorant things online), I thought I would respond if anyone still cares ;)


As you would guess, they are not able to show everything on TV.  We had a quite lengthy conversation at dinner that night that was not a part of the show. It ended with Kandice coming to the realization that what she was asking just wasn't realistic.  (We also thought she was nuts for going on TV and then expecting to keep it a secret!)  We never did and never would agree to lie to our son.  I also just wanted to point out another misconception that she picked us just before she gave birth.  I know that also wasn't clear, but she picked us well ahead of time and we had phone and skype conversations weekly--the dinner was just the first time we met in person :)

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lilsweetpea708
by Member on Oct. 18, 2012 at 8:45 AM

Hi

Thanks for sharing and explaining! I watched the show and hated most of it and honestly your situation was one that really bothered me. SO i am very happy you are here and shared you never went along with that request. I feel bad they portrayed the situation that way for you when it wasn't reality....so much for REALITY TV! Congrats on the baby.

Quoting Pogee:

Hi, I know this post is old and I'm not sure if anyone is even interested anymore....

My name is Liz and I am the adoptive mother that you are asking about from the TLC show.  I was just online actually looking for a photo of Kandice to save and print up for my son's baby book and came across this thread.  Since the topic was treated w/respect here (I have read some really nasty and ingnorant things online), I thought I would respond if anyone still cares ;)

As you would guess, they are not able to show everything on TV.  We had a quite lengthy conversation at dinner that night that was not a part of the show. It ended with Kandice coming to the realization that what she was asking just wasn't realistic.  (We also thought she was nuts for going on TV and then expecting to keep it a secret!)  We never did and never would agree to lie to our son.  I also just wanted to point out another misconception that she picked us just before she gave birth.  I know that also wasn't clear, but she picked us well ahead of time and we had phone and skype conversations weekly--the dinner was just the first time we met in person :)


shell81
by on Oct. 29, 2012 at 12:19 PM

I never knew this show was on:( I hope it comes on again soon

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