I'm not an adopted mom but need info

[Rebekah8787]

Hello I'm a mommy of 4 beautiful crazy kids. I've had easy pregnancy but kids r expensive so Hubby said no more. I've always loved being pregnant and wanted to carry a child for another couple. My friends can't carry they have tried for 9 yrs she's had lots of test done and shots everything but nothings helping. I was going to carry a baby for her using my eggs because it's alot going through the hormone shots and Ive to busy to go through that nor do they have the money, we are going to use his sperm. We don't want to get into a lot of lawyers and that fun stuff, I was just going to sign my rights over because he is the dad and my husband would kill me not really if I tried keeping the baby which I have a 10 month 12,11&9 yr olds and my 17 yr old sister lives here. I don't want no more but his wife wants her name on the birth certificate so they are going to have to get a lawyer or something. I don't understand why it would matter if my name or her name was on it if I signed my rights over. I can't afford a lawyer to ask questions, my sister and I have the same mom which isnt a fit mother but her dad signed me guardianship of her not nothing was legalized. If any of you can give me some advice thank you and if you went through a lawyer what did it cost

[aprilz1225]

 I THINK ...I think it would be a step parent adoption. they will reissue a birth certificate.. in the adoption world it's called and ammended one. With her name and his name as the biological parents. you could ask your friend if their lawyer would answer a few questions for you.

[SarahSuzyQ]

I would really encourage you to do some research into surrogacy before going forward with this. From what I understand it can be a tremendous emotional burden to carry a child and then let it go, even if that has been the plan all along. There is a reason that the process requires surrogates to undergo so much psychological evaluation. The baby will be your biological child, and that adds to the emotion in this situation.

In addition, you should consider how to best protect yourself and your family if something goes wrong and there are health issues with your pregnancy. Just because the last 4 have been easy is not a guarantee for #5. What if you have to go on bed rest? What if there are issues with the delivery? These are the kinds of things that lawyers usually help determine in terms of financial compensation and health insurance, etc.

It sounds like you have a huge heart and are a great friend. I am not trying to discourage you from this decision so much as trying to encourage you to think through some of the possibilities.

[jen1130]

Also who is responsible for the baby of it's not " perfect" and they don't want to raise it.....you would still be the mom.
Who will pay for the cost of the pregnancy ect.
You both maybe could write your questions down and go with them to their attorney.

[raleyfamily]

It's not a matter of just "signing your name over" either.  Stepmom has to adopt the child.  I haven't ever done an adoption like that, but I do know there will have to be lawyers and court.  Does anyone know if you need a homestudy for a stepparent adoption?

I have to admit I would not do this for the world...It's still going to be YOUR child, you use your eggs, so it's your DNA, and you will carry the baby and feel it move and your breasts will fill with milk when it's all over.  Your whole being is going to long for the child.  Your hormones will rage....

Also consider what it will look like to your children, and how it will feel to them as they watch mommy's belly grow with a baby, and she gives birth then gives their brother or sister away, because that's what the child will be: their half brother or sister.

[Malley]

I don't think it would be a stepparent adoption. In my state, any child born during a marriage is considered to be the dh's child. So you'd both have to surrender the baby.

If you're asking my opinion I'd say do not do it. Bad idea.

[feralkitten]

i don't see why you need a lawyer just your friends would need one you just need to sign your rights over when you asked and tell them you do not wish to fight the adosphon

i get you don't understand what the big deal about who name on the birth cert  but legal its a big deal your friend could not sign medical stuff without her dh there ect and if her dh died it cause a lot of problems legally it easter just to have the adoption done.

but all the work on thats down to them ou just need to carry the baby and give birth then sign baby over

i think what you gona do is very lovly

[feralkitten]

i'm doing one in the uk i dont need a home study but i still need adoption social worker to check me out ect

Quoting raleyfamily:

It's not a matter of just "signing your name over" either.  Stepmom has to adopt the child.  I haven't ever done an adoption like that, but I do know there will have to be lawyers and court.  Does anyone know if you need a homestudy for a stepparent adoption?

I have to admit I would not do this for the world...It's still going to be YOUR child, you use your eggs, so it's your DNA, and you will carry the baby and feel it move and your breasts will fill with milk when it's all over.  Your whole being is going to long for the child.  Your hormones will rage....

Also consider what it will look like to your children, and how it will feel to them as they watch mommy's belly grow with a baby, and she gives birth then gives their brother or sister away, because that's what the child will be: their half brother or sister.

[aprilz1225]

 wow keep us posted

Quoting feralkitten:

i'm doing one in the uk i dont need a home study but i still need adoption social worker to check me out ect

Quoting raleyfamily:

It's not a matter of just "signing your name over" either.  Stepmom has to adopt the child.  I haven't ever done an adoption like that, but I do know there will have to be lawyers and court.  Does anyone know if you need a homestudy for a stepparent adoption?

I have to admit I would not do this for the world...It's still going to be YOUR child, you use your eggs, so it's your DNA, and you will carry the baby and feel it move and your breasts will fill with milk when it's all over.  Your whole being is going to long for the child.  Your hormones will rage....

Also consider what it will look like to your children, and how it will feel to them as they watch mommy's belly grow with a baby, and she gives birth then gives their brother or sister away, because that's what the child will be: their half brother or sister.

 

 

[Rebekah8787]

Thanks for everyone's input. We have already talked w my kids they understand and it won't be like I won't be able to see the baby she lives down the road and we could watch the baby grow instead of never seeing it I think it would be harder to do hours away never seeing or holding it, plus we talked about telling the kids because if it's a girl my son is 10 months and they would b close in age and wouldn't want them to date. We would be considered cousins people put there kids up for adoption all the time w having other kids. My hormones will b fine I don't get post pardon depression and I will have a crazy toddler to keep up with. But I don't want to get into trouble with if something would happen and need bed rest and maybe I should get life insurance and have them pay it just in case something would happen.