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Adoptive Moms Adoptive Moms

Starting the Adoption Process

Posted by on Jul. 27, 2012 at 1:56 AM
  • 5 Replies

My fiance and I are considering adopting. We have a child together but so far, have not been successful conceiving again. We want more children but we have no clue where to start? Any advice would be VERY helpful and appreciated. Thank you!!! :D

by on Jul. 27, 2012 at 1:56 AM
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SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on Jul. 27, 2012 at 8:00 AM
Welcome! I would first encourage you to learn more about the different types of adoption. You can adopt internationally or domestically. Domestic adoption includes both private infant adoption and adoption from foster care, whether adopting a waiting child who needs a family or fostering kiddos and adopting if they can't go home. I would encourage you to look into all these paths towards adoption and consider what might work best for your family.

We have moms who have done all of these in the group, so I'm sure you'll get lots of perspectives! My husband and I are foster parents, and just recently adopted our 4yo who has lived with us for 2 years.
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mcginnisc
by Claire on Jul. 27, 2012 at 8:01 AM

Hi there! 

Welcome to the group! 

My first advice is to decide which route interests you the most..

Foster adopt- This process is completed through your state/county. There are background checks, typically classes, minimal fees..

Domestic Infant- This is done through an agency or attorney. Background checks, profiles, tons of paperwork and hefty fees. This is usually completed when an expectant woman considers placing and chooses a family. It can take weeks or years. 

Embryo Adoption- I know very little about this process...there is a mom in here that is currently pregnant that chose this route...I'll come back with her SN in a bit..

International- done through an agency..TONS of paperwork and background checks, hefty fees, long waits, travel is typically required depending on the country program. Many countries are closing now annd some waits are very long. China is currently over 6 years from the time your dossier is accepted until referral. 

Research is going to be your best friend. I would recommend that you read about attachment, bonding, RAD, SPD, ODD, and adoption in general. If you choose IA, be sure that you learn as much as you can about the culture of that country. Joining this group was a great step. We have DIA moms, FC moms, IA moms and 1 embryo adoption mom in here. Speaking with adoptees, and first moms is also a great thing as it will give you more perspective about adoption. 

I'm an IA mom. Our dd Lilly was adopted from China 5.5 years ago when she was 17 months old. She was not walking, still 100% bottle fed, could barely sit up, was not crawling, and was not speaking either...she had 4 teeth and a double ear infection when we met her. Within 2 months, she was off the bottle and eating solids, walking/running everywhere, had an amazing vocubulary, and had caught up with her peers cognitively. She will be in 1st grade in a week and will be 7 in November. She bonded very quickly with everyone in the family and is loved by everyone she meets. 

Let us know if we can help you in any way!

Claire

Moderator: Healthy Weight Loss & Adoptive Moms

" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13

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2tlon4fun
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:00 PM
1 mom liked this

i first  have to say i too was like you.i had one child. and want more.so my nices was a foster mother i then decdide to do the same. i was a foster mother for 5years and then i adpot ed my three son.so think aboutt that.there are so many childern need home.

koalasami
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 8:15 AM

I was also in the same position.  I had 1 child.  When she was 11 I decided to become a foster mother.  I did not plan to adopt but I did not rule it out either.  I went in figuring things would work out as God intended.  And they have of course.  I have since adopted once and am hoping that my current placement (his bio brother) will also turn into adoption - but it is very early so we'll see. 

Anyways, as others have said there are many different kinds of adoptions and it just depends on what you are looking for and open to.  I have loved being a foster mother but I do realize that it is not for everyone.  Research is going to be the best way to go about this.  You really need to look into each type of adoption and decide which one has what you are looking for. 

Good luck!

silver007
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 10:10 AM

Your adoption options as a single woman are limited.

Your adoption options as a married couple are more, but many agencies require that you be married for a specified period of time.

For adoptions that require you show an adequate income, being married is also to your advantage rather than qualifying on your income alone.

I suggest you get married and establish yourself as a family before adding an adopted child.

You could set up an interview with a social worker to discuss this more fully as it pertains to your situation. If you decide to adopt as an "engaged" couple the homestudy will have to fully satisfy the adoption agency as to why you are living with a man to whom you are not married and whether that type of household satisfies the best interests of the child.

Sorry if  this sounds moralistic, but then,  welcome to the word of adoption where you, your home, and your life (and the people in it) will be fully investigated and examined and judged before you are allowed to adop, at leats by most agencies, domestic and especially international. 

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