Hey Ladies

[MommieBre21]

I'm Bre, 21, married with 2 beautiful daughters, I am currently pregnant with twins, i got pregnant on mirena, and My DH and I decided that it would be best for a couple who could not have children be able to adopt our twins since we are not financially able to take on 2 more children. its really hard on us to have to make this decision. We talked today with a adoption agent, and she asked a lot of question like how close we want the adoption parents to be involved. I totally want the parents involved, going to ultrasounds, picking out the twins' names, i want the mom to be in the room with me when i give birth, my DH and I wish we didn't have to, but I know it's whats best for them. DH and I started signing paperwork and hopefully soon we can choose the adoptive parents. Any advice you moms can give me to make the adoptive parents feel comfortable? any advice at all?

[aprilz1225]

be yourself.. it may help when your choosing adoptive parents that they have simmilar intrests as you, they don't have to be exact..our son's birthmom and i had quite a bit in common and not in common..When we talked for the first time by phone we talked about those things first then after a bit of that spoke about the pregnancy. We talked daily for 2 weeks till we met at her first Ultra sound... By that time the only thing we could do was hug...lol also it may be a bit more comfortable for you to ask the agency to talk to the wife first with out the guys, then maybe have them have their own conversation together and maybe all at once or something.. i don't know sorry All i can tell you is that Conner's birthmom and i were both so nervous we talked a mile a min. and hubby could not keep up with our phone conversaton from the other room... lol...

 

[TylerandKate]

Although my husband and I are still waiting to adopt, I can tell you that what we hope for from birthparents is just honesty through the whole experience....how much contact they want after the birth, what their plans are for the delivery (who will be in the room, etc), how involved or not involved they would like us to be during the pregnancy, their feeling during the whole process (whether it's sadness, hope, excitement, anger), etc. It sounds like you have thought all about these things, which is great! It means a lot to us hopeful adoptive parents that you are really trying to make this the best experience for all involved. Good luck in choosing adoptive parents - I know you'll find the right couple for your family!

[SarahSuzyQ]

I would also encourage to seek out support from those who have placed a child for adoption, and do a lot of research to be sure this is the best option for you. It sounds as though you'd really rather parent if the finances could be worked out; have you looked into public assistance programs, WIC, etc? Adoption is a very permanent solution to a problem that may be temporary.

From an adoptive parent's standpoint, I would really want to be sure that the expectant parents were certain about their actions and decisions on behalf of the child.

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this difficult place. I will say a prayer for your family as you struggle with planning for the future and for these new babies.

Btw, there is a Birthmoms group here on CM where you can speak with women who have lived that life of having placed a child for adoption. It might be helpful to join up and talk with them to get the experience of someone who has been down this path.

[doodlebopfan]

First, Congratulations! Wow! Is it possible that you are in shock at having learned that you are expecting twins and you already have 2 under 2? Four babies under 2-1/2 IS overwhelming to think about, but I'd just ask you to give yourself some time to let it all sink in. (I have 2 friends who had 4 under 3, it's doable and they will grow so quickly. They are babies for a short time.) The fact that you are just a few months' pregnant and already talking to an agency about adoption sort of tells me that you are trying not to think of these babies as yours. You are wanting the pap's to be there from the very beginning in hopes that it will be easier to let go. I would echo SarahSusyQ's advice to talk to women who are living without their children in their lives. If you are making this decision from a financial standpoint, there are many resources available to you to help you with the pregnancy, food, WIC for all your children until 5 y/o, etc. I'm sure that your DH is worried to death about how he will feed 2 more little babies, but please give yourself some time to adjust to this pregnancy so soon after your last.

The Birthmom's group is www.cafemom.com/group/4974  if you want to check it out. Good luck no matter what!