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Please help me word this

Posted by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 10:09 AM
  • 11 Replies

 Open House is coming up, and part of the presentation is when I tell the parents a little about myself. In the past I always told them I had kids myself which makes them feel like I understand kids and what theygo through and helps build rapport. Derek will be in Kindergarten at our feeder school and will be getting off the bus at my school each afternoon so it's not like I can keep him secret lol. I've taught 30 years so unless I'm a medical miracle it's obvious I adopted my boys.My two problems with how to word it is once people hear me say they were my grandsons they start calling me Grandma and the other is alot of people have the audacity to ask if my daughter is on drugs.  I want to say something short and sweet that won't encourage questions. All I can think to say is I have grown children and now my dh and I have started over with two LOs, and the older is in the K. I don't think anyone would be so rude as to ask how we started over.

by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 10:09 AM
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SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on Aug. 11, 2012 at 10:22 AM
I don't think anyone needs to know that they are your biological grandsons. I think what you said about having two grown kids and now starting over with two little ones is more than enough information.
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raleyfamily
by Carla on Aug. 11, 2012 at 2:47 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree that you don't tell that they are your grandsons, or even that they are adopted.  You are having enough trouble with that, so leaving that part out keeps them from calling you grandma AND asking if your daughter is on drugs.  In fact, you might just start considering now that unless its a really close person, you should protect the privacy of your daughter by not telling this part!

As for looking older, my husband grayed and balded fairly early, and someone asked him once if he was our youngest biological daughters great grandfather!  He said it was bad enough to be asked if he was her grandfather, but great grandfather was over the top.  And no, he does not look that old!

Carla Raley, wife of Bill, mom of 10, foster mom of more than 50
Visit my blogs for stories of the life of an older mom raising a large family, foster/adoption and homeschooling
http://raleyfamilysfarm.blogspot.com/

http://bookreviewsbycarla.blogspot.com/



feralkitten
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 3:48 PM

i say i have to grown kids and just tell them you adopsted to wonderful little boys  as you had more love to share there is no need to go into how and who from

aprilz1225
by Silver Member on Aug. 11, 2012 at 4:19 PM

 Total agreement on this one...just keep telling people that after two grown,  and how fun that was!...you'd thought you'd try it again with adopting two more no one needs to know their your grandsons... You are going to give yourself a complex woman...llol...

Quoting SarahSuzyQ:

I don't think anyone needs to know that they are your biological grandsons. I think what you said about having two grown kids and now starting over with two little ones is more than enough information.

 

Isaacsmom913
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 4:32 PM

I would simply state that "we were blessed with a family member adoption that has expanded our family by two.  Our boys, (insert names if you're comfortable) do keep their  Daddy and I very busy"  or something to that extent.  No need to explain who the relative was or the circumstances surrounding the adoption.

jen1130
by Bronze Member on Aug. 11, 2012 at 7:06 PM
I would just let them know that you have adult children and you and husband decided to adopt and now you have your wonderful little boys: )
Maybe even share your pics of the boys, they are so cute!
I would not get into the birth mom. That may just open you up to more questions.
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SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on Aug. 11, 2012 at 7:30 PM
The thing is, if it weren't an intra-family adoption, you likely wouldn't share any information about the boys' birth mom. I agree with Carla that there is an aspect of protecting your DD's privacy.

But truly, unless you have a real relationship with these people, it's not really their business that you adopted the boys, either. Did you used to tell everyone that the twins were adopted right off the bat?

With Derek starting school and also struggling with where he belongs, it might be more helpful to let him disclose the adoption at his own pace. Let those nosy folks who worry about your age just keep on worrying, and live life as the awesome momma you are. Just my two cents.
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Malley
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 8:33 PM
It's really just an age thing that makes people ask questions. Maybe I should just smile and remind them Sarah and Abraham were older than me lol. When I'm out and strangers ask if they are my grandsons I tell them I'm their mom with no further explanation. I notice that some grandmothers who adopt or become guardians develop a very self deprecating attitude which might be a defense against some of the things I'm dealing with.

I do want to protect my dd's privacy and try to be careful what I say. One teacher told me I need to explain to people they are adopted because of my age but I told her
I have the right to protect my family's privacy. She's the one who told me I'm too sensitive about the adoption and should announce it to everyone like I owe them an explanation.

Quoting SarahSuzyQ:

The thing is, if it weren't an intra-family adoption, you likely wouldn't share any information about the boys' birth mom. I agree with Carla that there is an aspect of protecting your DD's privacy.



But truly, unless you have a real relationship with these people, it's not really their business that you adopted the boys, either. Did you used to tell everyone that the twins were adopted right off the bat?



With Derek starting school and also struggling with where he belongs, it might be more helpful to let him disclose the adoption at his own pace. Let those nosy folks who worry about your age just keep on worrying, and live life as the awesome momma you are. Just my two cents.
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SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on Aug. 11, 2012 at 10:05 PM

I think your instincts are giving you good guidance. You don't owe anyone any explanation at all, and I'm sorry that your co-workers refuse to respect your parenting and your privacy. At least you have only one more year there, right?

meam4444
by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 1:00 PM

Quite frankly, you don't need to explain yourself at all.  This is your private life.  I would just say you adopted, and if people ask questions, I would just say out of respect to the parties involved, you wish to not say much more.  Good luck!!  And, I have to agree with Sarah, your insticts are working well!  :)

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