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Adoptive Moms Adoptive Moms

Please help me word this

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 Open House is coming up, and part of the presentation is when I tell the parents a little about myself. In the past I always told them I had kids myself which makes them feel like I understand kids and what theygo through and helps build rapport. Derek will be in Kindergarten at our feeder school and will be getting off the bus at my school each afternoon so it's not like I can keep him secret lol. I've taught 30 years so unless I'm a medical miracle it's obvious I adopted my boys.My two problems with how to word it is once people hear me say they were my grandsons they start calling me Grandma and the other is alot of people have the audacity to ask if my daughter is on drugs.  I want to say something short and sweet that won't encourage questions. All I can think to say is I have grown children and now my dh and I have started over with two LOs, and the older is in the K. I don't think anyone would be so rude as to ask how we started over.

by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 10:09 AM
Replies (11-11):
doodlebopfan
by Bronze Member on Aug. 17, 2012 at 1:11 AM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting SarahSuzyQ:

The thing is, if it weren't an intra-family adoption, you likely wouldn't share any information about the boys' birth mom. I agree with Carla that there is an aspect of protecting your DD's privacy.

But truly, unless you have a real relationship with these people, it's not really their business that you adopted the boys, either. Did you used to tell everyone that the twins were adopted right off the bat?

With Derek starting school and also struggling with where he belongs, it might be more helpful to let him disclose the adoption at his own pace. Let those nosy folks who worry about your age just keep on worrying, and live life as the awesome momma you are. Just my two cents.

 I think that this is really good advice about not only protecting your DD's privacy, but the boys' as well. I don't think I would share it casually with everyone and also once you do share it with some, that's the kind of info that gets around at the water cooler. IF it would get around in a way that was 100% encouraging and positive for Derek, that's one thing, but you chance getting all those types that you've been struggling with recently. Frankly, Derek shouldn't have to carry the weight of negative people's opinions, especially if he's going to be in the same school. School is hard enough.

I guess my opinion comes from my concern that some people differentiate between adopted children and "real" children. He just needs to be "your son". Period. If people ask you casually "how" you started over, let them know it was a long, long process and maybe one day you'll tell that story, but you simply don't have the time. I'm with Sarah, let them think what they want. You owe them nothing.

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