I'm new to this group, but I'm assuming most of you have adopted a child in some way. I couldn't find a group for moms who were adopted. I'll start with asking: If your child didn't know his/her biological parents at all. ex. closed adoption. Would it hurt your feelings if they wanted to search for them when they were older in their 20s? I know all adoptees have different stories and situations. Some people accept it better than others. I have a brother who was adopted and we both have very different views and experiences with it even though we grew up with the same parents.
Quoting Josie_P:No, it wouldn't. If my son wanted to know who is bio-mum is, I would help in his search. I think it's only natural for someone to know where they came from.
Not at all. I would be worried that my son would get hurt. His mum might not want to meet him, she may be dead. It is ultimately a decision that if he wants to make, he should.
Quoting MRLAdy:
So it wouldn't make you feel like you weren't enough of a mom or like you failed at something? I worry my mom would get her feelings hurt even though she would never tell me that.
Quoting Josie_P:No, it wouldn't. If my son wanted to know who is bio-mum is, I would help in his search. I think it's only natural for someone to know where they came from.
I wish I had information to give my sons about their BM. There just wasn't any available to us. All we know is her birthdate, and that her parental rights were terminated, and the date she died. We have shared what we know with the boys who were 4 and 6 at time of adoption and are now 10 and 12. They are from Russia and there just wasn't any information other than the facts. I am sure there are as many different feelings about it all as there are people who have lived it. I do believe that if a child/adult wants the information for their life to feel complete and known, they should get the chance to have it if possible.
My son is in a semi-closed adoption (from foster care), but I do expect he may want to reconnect with his birth parents one day. And when that day comes, I hope he knows that I love and support him no matter what. It's not really about me at all, it's about his story and his journey... His needs come first.
Quoting djmkmom:I wish I had information to give my sons about their BM. There just wasn't any available to us. All we know is her birthdate, and that her parental rights were terminated, and the date she died. We have shared what we know with the boys who were 4 and 6 at time of adoption and are now 10 and 12. They are from Russia and there just wasn't any information other than the facts. I am sure there are as many different feelings about it all as there are people who have lived it. I do believe that if a child/adult wants the information for their life to feel complete and known, they should get the chance to have it if possible.
I'm glad you found us here and I hope you will stick around. Although it's primarily adoptive moms in the group, we also have some adoptees, some first moms, and others who are touched by adoption. I really appreciate the opportunity to have such balanced discussions with everyone. And good luck with your search, whatever you decide. I hope you can do what will bring you peace, and that your conversations with your mom will be helpful to that end.
I would be more than happy to help my DD find her birthmom (or birth family)!
I grew up with 2 adopted sisters. Our parents were 100% supportive of them searching for their birth moms. One if my sisters has never been interested. My other sister was in the process of searching when she was killed in a car accident.
Any vegan/vegetarian adoptive families out there? Soy formula vs cow's milk
- MRLAdy
on Nov. 17, 2012 at 9:12 PM