Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Adoptive Moms Adoptive Moms

Would you be comfortable??

Posted by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:20 PM
  • 30 Replies
Breastfeeding your adopted child?


I posted in another group about a problem I am having with DS2. He keeps trying to nurse.

I am currently 32 weeks pregnant and my breasts are leaking and they are worse when DS is crying or fussing.

I posted in another group trying to get advice on how to get him to stop. I was hoping to get advice from ladies that were weaning their LOs.

The only thing I received was crap about how I should just let him BF.

That is not something I am comfortable doing for multiple reasons. When I said this I was told I was a bad mom.

Seriously??

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:20 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:44 PM
I have no personal experience with BFing. We do have some members who BFd children they were adopting as infants.

Do you think it's a comfort/attachment thing for him? Maybe you could offer some other physical contact/comfort to him?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Ms.Pteranodon
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:53 PM
It is not a line I am going to cross. For multiple reasons. 1) His BM is still invoked in our lives. She is my DHs daughter and is actually currently staying with us. 2) I didn't BF my oldest DS past age one. I'm just not a big fan of extended breastfeeding. 3) I'm just not comfortable with the idea of it. While I love DS like he is my own. We ave a very special bond, I do not feel the urge to BF him. I don't see how that makes me a bad mom...

He was never breastfed. We are very close and he has no problem snuggling. There is not a lack of attachment there..

But last night I was sick and we were staying the night at my parents house. I woke him up with my coughing. I tried to get him back to sleep but he was very fussy. The more he fussed the more I leaked.

I tried to offer him his paci and a bottle. I tried to snuggle with him. I tried rubbing his back and playing soft music. But nothin worked and I eventually left him in the pack in lay to cry it out.

Today while trying to get him down for a nap he tried again. I just turned his head and have him a bottle. He fought it so I laid him in his crib and he went straight to sleep.

Tonight I rubbed Vicks on my chest before bedtime and he didn't even try to nurse,



Quoting SarahSuzyQ:

I have no personal experience with BFing. We do have some members who BFd children they were adopting as infants.


Do you think it's a comfort/attachment thing for him? Maybe you could offer some other physical contact/comfort to him?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AdoptingMommy
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:58 PM
1 mom liked this
I will be breast feeding our next child who we will adopt at birth. I was taking the medication when my dd was born but we had only minutes notice we were going and were parents so I was unable to so. I see no problem doing it, And think its great in multiple ways. We also have a open adoption but im MOM in all ways
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Ms.Pteranodon
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 11:08 PM
We didn't adopt DS at birth. Even though we have had him since the day he came home from the hospital, he wasnt always ours. His BM didn't decide to let us adopt him until he was 6 months old and she went back and forth a lot on her decision. His adoption hasn't even been finalized a month.

Our situation is quite unique because BM is not just some stranger, she is also my DHs daughter. So while we are DS parents and we make all the decisions, we also have to look out and protect her and figure out what is in her best interest. Right now what SD needs us to do is to continue making her feel comfortable in her decision. Me BFing DS would not make her comfortable.




Quoting AdoptingMommy:

I will be breast feeding our next child who we will adopt at birth. I was taking the medication when my dd was born but we had only minutes notice we were going and were parents so I was unable to so. I see no problem doing it, And think its great in multiple ways. We also have a open adoption but im MOM in all ways

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AdoptingMommy
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 11:16 PM
I can understand, However I was just explaining how I feel about adoptive bfding. Its the best nutrition and also allows greater bonds. It doesnt sound like a reasonable thing for your situation. My dd used to put her hand down my shirt for comfort until she was over a yr and I didnt breast feed but she always stayed at my heart it was her comfort zone.


Quoting Ms.Pteranodon:

We didn't adopt DS at birth. Even though we have had him since the day he came home from the hospital, he wasnt always ours. His BM didn't decide to let us adopt him until he was 6 months old and she went back and forth a lot on her decision. His adoption hasn't even been finalized a month.



Our situation is quite unique because BM is not just some stranger, she is also my DHs daughter. So while we are DS parents and we make all the decisions, we also have to look out and protect her and figure out what is in her best interest. Right now what SD needs us to do is to continue making her feel comfortable in her decision. Me BFing DS would not make her comfortable.








Quoting AdoptingMommy:

I will be breast feeding our next child who we will adopt at birth. I was taking the medication when my dd was born but we had only minutes notice we were going and were parents so I was unable to so. I see no problem doing it, And think its great in multiple ways. We also have a open adoption but im MOM in all ways


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Ms.Pteranodon
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:55 AM
Thank you for your polite response. The cruel Anons in the other group really or to me. They pretty much said I was not his mother since I decided to not nurse him...




Quoting AdoptingMommy:

I can understand, However I was just explaining how I feel about adoptive bfding. Its the best nutrition and also allows greater bonds. It doesnt sound like a reasonable thing for your situation. My dd used to put her hand down my shirt for comfort until she was over a yr and I didnt breast feed but she always stayed at my heart it was her comfort zone.




Quoting Ms.Pteranodon:

We didn't adopt DS at birth. Even though we have had him since the day he came home from the hospital, he wasnt always ours. His BM didn't decide to let us adopt him until he was 6 months old and she went back and forth a lot on her decision. His adoption hasn't even been finalized a month.





Our situation is quite unique because BM is not just some stranger, she is also my DHs daughter. So while we are DS parents and we make all the decisions, we also have to look out and protect her and figure out what is in her best interest. Right now what SD needs us to do is to continue making her feel comfortable in her decision. Me BFing DS would not make her comfortable.












Quoting AdoptingMommy:

I will be breast feeding our next child who we will adopt at birth. I was taking the medication when my dd was born but we had only minutes notice we were going and were parents so I was unable to so. I see no problem doing it, And think its great in multiple ways. We also have a open adoption but im MOM in all ways



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on Dec. 3, 2012 at 8:08 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't think there is any way that this one decision makes you a bad mom. There is no "one size fits all" when it comes to parenting, no matter what some anonymous internet poster says. It's clear that you're in a difficult position and trying to do the best by everyone.

As far as him looking to nurse at sleepy times, I bet he will stop if you continue to be consistent with offering other comfort and/or CIO, whatever is your norm in difficult bedtimes. Maybe he senses that things are changing with the new baby coming, and just needs some more reassurances.

I don't think you're going to find judgement here. We all know there are many factors involved with most parenting situations, often made more complex by the circumstances around the adoption. Best wishes to you as you help your LO adjust to the coming baby, and as you continue to work through things with your SD there in the house.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
AdoptingMommy
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 8:30 AM
No way do I think your a bad mom. Even bio moms have a right to try or not try to nurse. I had to formula feed bc my dd was literally a 5 min norice. We were not matched, She was born 30 min old when mom choose to place, picked us we left and bam we were mom & dad. I think its an option however no need to push it:) We have to be supportive of one another and understand all circumstances arent the same.


Quoting Ms.Pteranodon:

Thank you for your polite response. The cruel Anons in the other group really or to me. They pretty much said I was not his mother since I decided to not nurse him...








Quoting AdoptingMommy:

I can understand, However I was just explaining how I feel about adoptive bfding. Its the best nutrition and also allows greater bonds. It doesnt sound like a reasonable thing for your situation. My dd used to put her hand down my shirt for comfort until she was over a yr and I didnt breast feed but she always stayed at my heart it was her comfort zone.






Quoting Ms.Pteranodon:

We didn't adopt DS at birth. Even though we have had him since the day he came home from the hospital, he wasnt always ours. His BM didn't decide to let us adopt him until he was 6 months old and she went back and forth a lot on her decision. His adoption hasn't even been finalized a month.







Our situation is quite unique because BM is not just some stranger, she is also my DHs daughter. So while we are DS parents and we make all the decisions, we also have to look out and protect her and figure out what is in her best interest. Right now what SD needs us to do is to continue making her feel comfortable in her decision. Me BFing DS would not make her comfortable.
















Quoting AdoptingMommy:

I will be breast feeding our next child who we will adopt at birth. I was taking the medication when my dd was born but we had only minutes notice we were going and were parents so I was unable to so. I see no problem doing it, And think its great in multiple ways. We also have a open adoption but im MOM in all ways




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Mweddle
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:42 AM

You're not a bad mom.  Don't let meanies get to you.  You don't have to do anything you are uncomfortable with at all!  Your situation is different too.  I probably would feel uncomfortable with it too in your situation.  You have support here!

aprilz1225
by Silver Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 11:44 AM

 no help here.. breat reduction 2 yrs ago... i no longer have the glands, but considered bfing our son... good luck.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)