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"Older" adoptive moms - older sibling rivalry?

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I have two older birth children, 31 and 32. We are foster parents and just recently finalized our adoption of Lizzy. We've had her for 18 months. Both of my older children, I swear they are dealing with jealousy! They deny it, but nothing else seems to explain their behavior. Of course they are overtly sweet and loving with their new sister, but I sense the jealousy ( a mother knows these things) and its coming out in other ways.

they did NOT prepare us for this, lol! Anyone else share this problem? Any suggestions or ideas?

giving mom gift

by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 8:56 AM
Replies (11-15):
Malley
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:38 PM
1 mom liked this
I haven't seen any of my skids or grandskids since we finalized over a year ago other than when I tutored one of the grandkids for a few weeks. In our case I think partly it's b/c we had a yours and mine family and for the first time added the ours. They have never experienced us as parents together. The other is the boys were my grandkids and have now been elevated so they are siblings of the skids and uncles to the grandskids.
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3mom627
by Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:10 PM
1 mom liked this

 All of my kiddos are adopted and we are fostering a 13 year old girl. There is extreme sibling rivalry between her and my 18 year old. My DS's are fine with her. I wish they would be sweet to her face, make it a lot easier. The two girls fight a lot. Hopefully, time.

3MOM627

have a nice day

KLove_Mom
by Kara on Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:25 AM
1 mom liked this

Well, it's probably normal. My older brother and I even went through some of this with our younger bio siblings (just 8 years younger than us). Our parents were more lenient with them because they were more experinced, and were better off financially so our younger sibs got cars at 16. Made us jealous.

Sometimes life is like that. Try to reach out with some quality time or a special note to them just about them.

dbra
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 6:46 PM

Thank you all for your great responses. I don't feel quite so alone in all of this! That's the hard part I think, is not knowing anyone else with this situation. And of course, as mom I'm always doubting myself first!


Malley
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:12 PM
2 moms liked this

 

Quoting dbra:

Thank you all for your great responses. I don't feel quite so alone in all of this! That's the hard part I think, is not knowing anyone else with this situation. And of course, as mom I'm always doubting myself first!

 

 I thought about you yesterday. Derek and I were grocery shopping and ran into YSD and her boys. Even though he hasn't seen her in ages he knows she is his sister and when I called her name he started yelling "Where's my sissy? Where's my sissy?' Guess that would melt the hardest heart because she picked him up and gave him lots of hugs.

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