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Adoptive Moms Adoptive Moms

Birthmother surfaces after 2.5 years

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What to do? My son is almost 8, he was adopted at birth. He tested positive for exposure to meth and was taken from bm immediately after that discovery. Later we found out she is bipolar and used and drank during her pg. our son is diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety/mood disorder. He is so loving and trusting. Now out of the blue she is back with sweet talk and gifts :( she has been extremely nasty to me in the past, name calling etc. last time we spoke was 2.5 years ago, she blew up at me and yelled the entire conversation, all because she had the wrong date for his birthday and we were on vacation and did not call her back...10 days before his bday. The last time she saw him he was 3. She skipped out on the 4th year visit saying she was busy due to pg again, 5th year visit was when she blew up. I called our lawyer at that point and he said to discontinue communication that this relationship was not healthy for any of our children. Now I don't know what to do...I so badly wanted my son to know where he came from and feel comfortable with that. The items are at the lawyers office and they will forward them, so now what to do? I'm a wreck today...just too much to think about

Any suggestions? 


Ceace

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 8:23 PM
Replies (11-15):
paganmommy4
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 1:19 AM

Its not healthy for him and you can explain in vague terms why

latinagrl3526
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 2:30 AM

One of your roles as this child's parent is to protect him from emotional harm. It sounds like a relationship with his mother at the moment would be harmful to him, due to his anxiety disorder, and his mother's past actions. It's not fair to him to attach emotionally, only to have her drop off the radar. He knows he's adopted, and has met his birthmother. For now, I would leave it at that, and wait until he's older and can have a better understanding of the situation.

Tresmom10
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 8:08 PM
Ditto on protecting him and I so know how you feel when it comes to Biomoms remarks . My sons Biomom used to call and say "How's my son" Can I speak to my son?" The first time she came out of prison I allowed a visit. Did not want to and I know some of you don't agree but I really did not feel she deserved to be near him. She is the kind of person who poisons everything she touches. After the way she has treated the kids in the short time she did have them and then discarded her children for men,booze and drugs IMO she deserves nothing. However under family pressure and the "she has changed" I gave in. I allowed her contact with him on FB always checking it myself before he got on.. sure enough she posts half nude pics of her laying on a bed with money and a gun After a heated exchange of words all contact was cut..soon after she was back for another stay in prison.Now she is out and I have not heard from her..we will see so anyway...follow you heart don't bend to what other people think you should do
trayseehalf
by Member on Apr. 23, 2013 at 2:28 AM

We adopted our daughter. We had her since she was just an infant. Her birth mother is actually a cousin of my husbands. She was exposed to meth and her birth mother was drinking to while she was pregnant. She was or so they our case worker says showed no meth in her system when she was born. So I kind of wonder to myself if the birth mother thought if she stopped within a certain amount of days, the State wouldn't take her baby away, but they still did. Right now she seems to be a normal 4 year old child. We wouldn't mind having a relationship with the birth mother. But she doesn't seem to want anything to do with any of her kids. My SIL has adopted her older sister. There is a boy in between that got the brunt of the meth use. He really has a hard time with him. He's behind and has a lot of problems too. We would like to have a relationship with the birth mother. Maybe meet her once in awhile at a McDonald's or something. But she has shown no interest in seeing any of her kids. She also has two older kids that are from a different birth dad. But as much as she has been through in her life, you know, maybe it's a good thing she doesn't want anything to do with them. My health isn't the best. I had a brain aneurysm last Father's Day. Now I have fluid on my brain that I have to have a shunt and a drain tube put in. The last thing I really need is putting up with her and what she might come up with. I don't think you need that in your life either. Do you??? I know it's hard because you want your children to know where they come from. But it's not worth it if the birth mother is going to act up.

hdtaylor36
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 2:22 PM

I'm sorry for your stress :( Just remember that you are his mommy and you know your child and what is best for him. we have a 12yr old and we have never lied to her but we choose carefully the info we have given her over the years because we know what she can handle and what she cant. if ever there was a situation where we didnt feel like we could handle it, we got counseling to help us give her the info in a healthy way for her. as she has gotten older, we can give her more background info because we are confident she can deal with it and confident in ourselves as parents to help her navigate.

good luck to you,

heather

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