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Adoptive Moms Adoptive Moms

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Posted by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:44 PM
  • 12 Replies

Hello,

My husband and I are considering adoption and are really at the first stages of the process. We have 2 children and have been foster parents to 10 children. We also have been surrogates twice (pregnant right now with 2nd). We found out with this pregnancy that due to the first surrogacy causing a good deal of scar tissue in my uterus that this pregnancy will be our last safe one and if we have any more bio or surrogate children we will be risking both lives. We are considering both foster adoption and private but would prefer private because it would allow us a better relationship with the mother.

I would love to know how you ladies have gone through things and what you found to work or not. Also I am just excited to be part of this group!

Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.  
Benjamin Disraeli

by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:04 PM

Hi, I'm really glad to see you here! I've picked up bits and pieces of your story through the foster/adopt and other groups, but it's been a while. I hope that in spite of the scarring, this pregnancy continues to be healthy and that you both continue to do well through the coming months -- how far along are you?

My husband and I have one 5yo who we adopted through foster care. He was originally just a straight foster placement, but his parents were unable to regain custody and so he stayed with us. While it was a fairly long and stressful case (over 2 years), I do feel like we were able to develop a working relationship with his bio parents and get a good sense of them as people and of his family background. Unfortunately, due to safety issues, the adoption is not as open as I might otherwise wish.

So anyway... That's a very brief summary of a very long process, and specifically our relationship with BPs. I know it varies a lot from situation to situation, so hopefully some of these conversations will be helpful as you consider your family's next steps.

takes_a_village
by Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 4:57 PM

 


Quoting SarahSuzyQ:

Hi, I'm really glad to see you here! I've picked up bits and pieces of your story through the foster/adopt and other groups, but it's been a while. I hope that in spite of the scarring, this pregnancy continues to be healthy and that you both continue to do well through the coming months -- how far along are you?

My husband and I have one 5yo who we adopted through foster care. He was originally just a straight foster placement, but his parents were unable to regain custody and so he stayed with us. While it was a fairly long and stressful case (over 2 years), I do feel like we were able to develop a working relationship with his bio parents and get a good sense of them as people and of his family background. Unfortunately, due to safety issues, the adoption is not as open as I might otherwise wish.

So anyway... That's a very brief summary of a very long process, and specifically our relationship with BPs. I know it varies a lot from situation to situation, so hopefully some of these conversations will be helpful as you consider your family's next steps.

I am 22 weeks today. :) This pregnancy is going great and we are very lucky that the placenta has attached and seems to be staying in just the right area as to not cause any harm to either me or the baby.

 We have really enjoyed being foster parents and would love to adopt from foster care but after 10 children have come and gone (while we have not been looking for adoptive placements) all 10 have gone home or gone to a relative. We are happy about the outcomes of the cases we have been part of; it does however reflect the overall ratio of foster to adopt placements in my state or at least my county. We would also really enjoy having close to a newborn if possible and that is not common for adoption from dhs. We really have worked hard with the families of our foster kids to help them overcome their obstacles and to help them find resources for successful parenting and are kind of becoming worn out by the processes dhs has us go through ever time.

 I am so glad your son was able to find you through foster parenting and that you would have chosen more contact if it were safe. We really believe in trying to form a healthy relationship with the bio family so that the child/ren will have them in their lives forever if it is possible.

 

Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.  
Benjamin Disraeli

SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on Jan. 21, 2013 at 7:50 AM
It sounds like you guys have been great foster parents and worked hard to support families... Which is a good thing, but also very exhausting. We had a toddler boy with us who successfully reunified, and then we spent the next year being a support person for his mom. We were so happy to be able to do that, but we have been feeling very tired. Our son's case was also very drawn out and stressful, so we took ourselves off the call list this fall.

Anyway that's a long way of saying that I understand your tiredness and stepping back from the foster care process. Wishing you continued health with this pregnancy, and again, I hope you'll jump right in to the group!


Quoting takes_a_village:

 




Quoting SarahSuzyQ:


Hi, I'm really glad to see you here! I've picked up bits and pieces of your story through the foster/adopt and other groups, but it's been a while. I hope that in spite of the scarring, this pregnancy continues to be healthy and that you both continue to do well through the coming months -- how far along are you?


My husband and I have one 5yo who we adopted through foster care. He was originally just a straight foster placement, but his parents were unable to regain custody and so he stayed with us. While it was a fairly long and stressful case (over 2 years), I do feel like we were able to develop a working relationship with his bio parents and get a good sense of them as people and of his family background. Unfortunately, due to safety issues, the adoption is not as open as I might otherwise wish.


So anyway... That's a very brief summary of a very long process, and specifically our relationship with BPs. I know it varies a lot from situation to situation, so hopefully some of these conversations will be helpful as you consider your family's next steps.


I am 22 weeks today. :) This pregnancy is going great and we are very lucky that the placenta has attached and seems to be staying in just the right area as to not cause any harm to either me or the baby.


 We have really enjoyed being foster parents and would love to adopt from foster care but after 10 children have come and gone (while we have not been looking for adoptive placements) all 10 have gone home or gone to a relative. We are happy about the outcomes of the cases we have been part of; it does however reflect the overall ratio of foster to adopt placements in my state or at least my county. We would also really enjoy having close to a newborn if possible and that is not common for adoption from dhs. We really have worked hard with the families of our foster kids to help them overcome their obstacles and to help them find resources for successful parenting and are kind of becoming worn out by the processes dhs has us go through ever time.


 I am so glad your son was able to find you through foster parenting and that you would have chosen more contact if it were safe. We really believe in trying to form a healthy relationship with the bio family so that the child/ren will have them in their lives forever if it is possible.


 


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eoewan
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:52 AM

Welcome to the group.

meam4444
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:41 PM

 Hi!  Welcome to the group!

takes_a_village
by Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 1:31 PM

Thanks! I hope to learn a lot here!

DJAKoala
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 7:32 PM
Welcome and thank you for sharing your story. I wish you well. I am an older Adoptive mom. I adopted older children through foster care. I have two boys ages 6 and 10. Due to their unique and unsafe situations,we have closed adoptions. They know we support them and will be part of any birth family contact if things change.
takes_a_village
by Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 7:45 PM

 


Quoting DJAKoala:

Welcome and thank you for sharing your story. I wish you well. I am an older Adoptive mom. I adopted older children through foster care. I have two boys ages 6 and 10. Due to their unique and unsafe situations,we have closed adoptions. They know we support them and will be part of any birth family contact if things change.


 I understand the safety issue and even with private adoptions there can be a safety issue. It is wonderful that you are willing to open back up that communication if it becomes safe! I hope that if/when we are blessed by adoption that we will be able to have open communication and a in my opinion an extended family relationship with the birth family. I understand it is not always possible but we have been very blessed to have gained a large extended family through the families of our foster children. Once the parents are rehabilitated and are safe we work hard to provide them the support they need to keep that way and it usually leads to a family like feeling on all of our parts. :)

How old were your boys when they were adopted and are they siblings?

Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.  
Benjamin Disraeli

DJAKoala
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:44 PM
1 mom liked this
My boys are not birth siblings. My oldest son was adopted at age 3. My youngest son was adopted at age 4. They are complete opposite. One is black hair,brown eyes,dark complexion. Other is fair skin,blonde hair, blue eyes. They have challenges. Oldest has PTSD,ADD,currently in therapy.
Youngest has OCD, anxiety, grieving from multiple losses. They are beautiful,loving boys. I am so blessed to have them.
socalkatt
by Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 8:48 PM
1 mom liked this

Hi! and welcome, I have only been a member here for a short time but enjoy reading, and chatting when possible.I am an older mom of a just turning 1 in Feb little girl, My husband and i adopted through an agency and had a great expierence. We have a semi open adoption with the birth parents(they are young) we have had a few visits and send pictures and talk on the phone We were at the hospital for her birth. I read some one once telling me to be open to the BM because she made me a Mom.  That helped me to enjoy the contact we have. Best wishes on your journey.




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