Birth mom gift

[Mystres]

Help me choose.

http://www.amazon.com/Sterling-Diamond-Pendant-Necklace-Clarity/dp/B004JZXQQC/ref=pd_sbs_jw_17

or

http://www.amazon.com/Sterling-Heart-Shaped-Pendant-Necklace-Mothers/dp/B00308JAOG/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&colid=3FNC2EMK0RHME&coliid=IDLY917N9EEA9

I want to get our Bio-mom a gift.  I am hoping she is gonna agree to see me when we go back to finalize.  I want to get a necklace for all 3 of us to have.

[FlyingMommy747]

We also gave our BM a necklace, but we opted to give her a star pendant.  We did not want her to feel any regret in giving up her baby to us when she looked at our gift, but to feel like a star in our eyes.

[SarahSuzyQ]

I think the idea of a common necklace is a lovely idea... I can see how the mother/child one might be hard for her, though. Could you do something with Lady Bug's birthstone maybe? If not, the heart is also very nice.

I hope it works out for you to see her when you're in state.

[eoewan]

I think both of the necklaces are precious however, I do agree with Sarah that it might be painful for your BM. I like the Lady Bug idea with a birthstone or a bumblebee or anything like that. Then your BM can wear it and not feel like she has to explain to anyone that asks about it. JMHO

[sweetnana1964]

What a lovely idea!!!!

[Mystres]

Hummm yah, I am still looking.  Gonna go to the mall tonight and look.

[meam4444]

 How sweet!! 

[Karatemom90210]

In canada,gifts are not allowed because they can be viewed as bribes,especially if its given at the visit when the adoption is to be finalized. I would be careful and perhaps ask the social worker first

[Jessy76]

We had a private adoption, we did not use an agency. Our lawyer also advised us not to give BM any gifts as it could be view as a bribe.

 I do love your idea. I wish we could have done something like that for our daughters BM.

[Mystres]

yes I know huge gifts and things like cash ect are considered a Bribe.  But I have been reading and it seams common now to give a gift.

Examples, let me see, On Teen mom if you watched season 1.  One Teen couple placed their baby, and well the adoptive parents gave the mom a charm bracelet while they were at the hospital, before they were even discharged from the hospital.  And my Co-worker did it also. 

And here is a forums post about it.

http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/topic/485/

Gift Ideas for Birth mom article

http://www.ehow.com/how_4672686_give-perfect-gift-birthmother.html

We didn't even know mom.  She signed her rights away and everything was legal and at the point of No return before we knew our Bug was born.  She was 5 Days old when we got the call.  So since she was already at the point of no return when we got the call there is no way they could accuse us of that.

I did though find a necklace.  We ordered 3 of them.    One for me, her and baby.

[SarahSuzyQ]

I don't think it could be any kind of bribe after TPR is complete. At that point the adoption is a completely separate issue, and her decision to relinquish has already been made final.

Glad you found something, M. I hope you are able to connect with bmom and give it to her.