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Help! I'm not sure how to handle the situation!

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My son was taken by his birth parents when he was 2 months old by child protective services and was place with my husband and I who are related to him but only through 2 marrages! Well my son has a sister through birth as well and she was taken from the parents as well but she was 4 at that time and knew what was going on asn was placed with her aunt and uncle she is now 10! Well he does know about his sister that lives somewere else but thats all he knows. Well 2 weekends ago his sister came to visit for the weekend and told him and my older daughter he is adopted. Well the kids didnt say anything to me until this morning when my daughter asked me if he is adopted! He is 6 along with my daughter who is also 6. I dont know how to handle this situation. I know we will have to talk to him now about it but I am not sure how to go about it or even what to say to them. Help! 

by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:27 AM
Replies (11-13):
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:06 AM
3 moms liked this

As young as he is, there is a good chance he will just accept what you tell him, if you do it right.  Just tell him his story, and say that in your mind, adoption was just the way it was and you don't think about it much, but you should have told him before, and you are sorry you didn't.  Tell him now that he knows about it, you will be very glad to answer any questions he might have whenever he thinks of them.  Don't make an overly big deal of it, just give him the time he needs to talk it over and understand it.  And yes, be prepared for lots of questions.

There was a big part of my daughter's story that I DREADED telling her: that it was her beloved Nanny who put her in foster care.  When her birthmom's drug use caused her to do something that put my daughter in danger, CPS took her and gave her to Nanny.  Nanny kept her three weeks, then called CPS to come get her, refusing to care for her any longer.  I thought it would break her heart and do all kinds of damage.  But circumstances  came about that I needed to tell her when she was about 8.  I was very careful with my words, and once my daughter got over her first shock that Nanny had done it, she understood what I was telling her and it didn't cause the hurt I thought it would cause.

Carla Raley, wife of Bill, mom of 12, foster mom of more than 50
Visit my blogs for stories of the life of an older mom raising a large family, foster/adoption and homeschooling

by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:54 AM

 Good Luck. No way is easy especially if you where not intending to do this to later age. My son has know since age three when he was able to decifer color difference. Easiest way:

To play it positive for now till older: This is how I explained it to my son hopw it helps


Your birth mother and father where not able to give the life and means of being raised properly when you where born. They love you, but knew they couldn't give you the life you deserve as a child so they ASKED us to love you and raise you as if you grew in my belly. They wanted the best for you. SO mommy and daddy love you with all our heart and make you very special in your very own special way even though you didn't grow in my belly.

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:17 AM

I definitely make it known that regardless that he is wanted and loved. I would also say that his birth parents could not take care of him. I think those are the biggest things to address.

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