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Advice please for visit today. UPDATE

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It turns out my dd ( my boys' bm) has the same rare chromosomal disorder D has which explains ALOT. She is moving out of state today to go live with her dad for awhile, at least 3-4 months. I'm meeting her for lunch so she can see us before she goes. Intellectually she is normal, but she processes like a child and has a big lack of judgement. A huge issue is her putting the boys' pictures all over her fb. She says she HAS to show all her 1,000 friends how gorgeous her babies are. Every visit she whips out her phone and takes pictures which end up on fb. She always has them as her profile picture.

I'm thinking when I call her to set the time, I'll tell her upfront no picture taking. I'm considering giving her a few family photos we just had done so she has their pics but dh and I are in them. Any other ideas?
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by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:30 AM
Replies (11-13):
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 9:08 AM
I may make a separate fb with pictures I don't mind her having.
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by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 6:47 PM

No other ideas at this point.  I think what you are planning to do is great.  Keep up what you are doing.

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 11:24 PM

It's really just so hard. I can imagine that it would be easier to imagine that you took him than that she let him go... You know? Just so it doesn't feel like rejection. I know my 5yo has a hard time conceiving of "she wasn't able to keep you safe/take care of you". We revisit that conversation over and over, and at least I can always remind him that the judge made the final decision.

It must be hard to hear that's what he's thinking/believing, too. It's good that he's opening up, anyway. Hopefully this will be a conversation that he can revisit with you when he's got questions. At least you've made it clear that you will talk and listen.

How is he doing now, a few days after? How are YOU doing?

Quoting Malley:

He was confused because he kept trying to call her boyfriend Dad. She's been with him over 2 years and he knows that isn't his or the baby's biodad.

I talked to him afterwards and said she wanted me to raise him because though she loved him alot it was just too hard for her to take care of him. He had a hard time believing that so I guess he thought we took him from her and that's why he's so mad after visits. He asked a few questions and then said he didn't want to talk about her anymore.

Quoting SarahSuzyQ:

It's just so hard for our kids to really understand and navigate these changed relationships, isn't it? I know D is a little bit older than N, but I could imagine a very similar reaction were we to have a visit.

Sounds like perhaps your DD is coming to terms with the truth of the situation, and maybe that's a good thing for everyone. Really glad she was able to respect your boundaries re: pictures. That's huge. I hope things continue to go well for her and for your relationship, even with this move to your ex.

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