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Adoptive Moms Adoptive Moms

My childs BM is a family member who is in and out of prison.She is due to come out again in a few months.

I am very open with my child .He knows about her issues ie drugs,drinking and stealing.I have tried to make sure he knows she has a illness and she ..I have hidden  the abuse he suffered.As he came to me at 3 months of age he has no memory of it.Life is tuff enough without that hanging over his head.Howeber he says he has no interest in meeting her.Almost seems afraid of her..The last time he saw her he was 3 years old.

However she wants to see him when she gets out this time.She has written to him a few times and I have shared the letters with him.I am torn because I dont want to create a issue where he wants to know more and so wants to spend time with her.On the flip side with me knowing what she has done to him and his BS I want to rip her face off when I think about being in the same room with her.She has written to me that she has changed and is very sorry for what she has done and of coarse even with her so called change I would never let him be  alone with her.To make things worse the BMs father is my favorite uncle and he has asked me to bring my child to visit when the BM gets out.

ANy ideas?

by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 12:25 AM
Replies (11-16):
paganmommy4
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:03 PM

You are mom. If there was a formal adoption, she has no say anymore. Would you be willing to put him in emotional harms way? You need to respect his wishes

SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:46 PM

It sounds like you have good, solid instincts to protect your boy. Stand strong, momma.

The other thing I keep thinking about is how all of these other family members are going to respond to the "no visits" decision. Do you think they would try to speak with your son about it? Try and put him in the middle? Just thinking that you may want to be extra vigilant about conversations with BGpa or anyone else at future family visits... It (likely) took a lot of courage for him to speak up for his own boundaries, and you don't want to have anyone trying to guilt trip him into changing his mind.

I hope this makes sense. I obviously don't know your family, I just know that often people do try to "change kids' minds"... And really feel for you and your son in this tricky situation as you navigate these family relationships.

Tresmom10
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 10:32 PM
1 mom liked this

Wjile there are calls from BGP I always have the phone on speaker.I would hope this is never a issue but I dont take chances with my sons mental health...

hdtaylor36
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:08 PM

My advise is to trust yourself. I know my heart and what motivates my actions. I work very hard to keep my wants and opinions out of my conversations with my daughter. Even before I knew her, I knew what she needed and what was best for her. The times I felt conflicted were the times I tried to please everyone else while trying to do the best thing for her. In my experience, that doesn't work. You know what is best/healthy for your child. Go with your motherly instinct.

Mweddle
by Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 3:49 PM

 Personally if my child did not want to see their birth family they wouldn't.  We have a similar situation with being in and out of prison and drug issues etc and I would not make her.  However, if someday, as older teens/adults they wanted to meet the bio parents, I will not stand in their way.  Right now my job is to protect them and our family. 

Tresmom10
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:12 PM
well right now it has become a nonissue..she has not called and he has not asked about her.I do know she has called one of the BioSiblings.They are said to be having dinner together this weekend.
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