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I need help help, and honest opinions on my thoughts of considering adopting out my mth old!!

Posted by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 2:17 PM
  • 36 Replies

I am 26 yrs old! I need serious advice on what to do!!! I have a month old baby girl. I have 2 others who are 5 and 2 also. This last one came sooner than i had planned for! I am very worried i cant provide a good life for her! She has been unhappy since she came home from the hospital! I am struggling to find a part time job at least. I am in the process of trying to obtain my GED. And trying to juggle time between my 2 girls and the new baby! My emotions are crazy and feeling like i cant give my baby a good life!! Its taking alot out of me! I feel she could be in a home with loving people who can devote there time and life to her, who will always have that time to love her (i love her to death! dont get me wrong!) and can financially support her needs!! I just feel in my heart that she deserves to be with better people than me!! Who can do more for her!! I live where i have no family, and have very few friends. So i dont have help as it is. If adoption is the route i go, it would definitely be open adoption, because i do want to see her grow up no matter what!! My mind is scrambled and need help!!!

by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 2:17 PM
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by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 2:30 PM
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Hello, and welcome to the group. I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling, and I hear discouragement and exhaustion in your post.

I would caution you to slow down, and to consider what other alternatives might be open to you other than just adoption. I say this because it's clear that you love and want your daughter very much, and so the best thing is for her to stay with you or with your family if it's at all possible.

Does your daughter have additional medical needs and appointments due to being a preemie? Are you able to receive any kind of in-home support in working with her, maybe through Medicaid or if the hospital has an outreach program? Is your eldest in any kind of Head Start or preschool program? Just trying to get a better sense of your situation and how your time is structured with the kids.

I'm also wondering if you receive any kind of support from the girls' father? Or if pursuing child support might be an option at all?

by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 2:54 PM

sarah is right slow down. and breath. being a new parent and one being a early birth cannot help the feelings you have. do you have any questions we can help with. 

by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 3:20 PM

Welcome... and know that this group is a loving place. I've seen all kinds of talk about adoption on this group, and hope you can find support here.

Like the others said, slow down, and take things one step at a time. It's so easy to feel overwhelmed with a newborn and other young kids in the house, especially if you're on your own.

I have twins and then a daughter 23 months later, so I know it can be so much to deal with. But it does get easier to manage as they get older. 

My first thought for you is to seek help from your local WIC (Women Infant Children's) office. Not only can they help with food and supplies for you baby but also for your other children too. They also may know of help in your area for single moms or with employment and childcare.

Adoption is also an option if you are feeling that, but you'll still need to be able to take care of your other 2 children. 
Focus on one day at a time.  

by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 4:46 PM
I think that adoption is a wonderful option. There are many couples who would love to have her. Good luck:)
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by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 6:15 PM
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I agree with all PPs. Adoption is a wonderful option, if its right for you. However, if it is not what you want, and you are only considering it because you feel that you have no other options, then let us help you explore your options!
There are many resources available. What state are you in and what kind of support would help you?
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by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 6:30 PM

i live in bismarck nd. thanks for the feed back! i really do need it!

by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 8:39 PM
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 Call your local HeadStart agency...many now have classes for six weeks and up..childcare is FREE and they also offer support to parents, parenting classes, help with resumes, job fairs etc for the parents...they are a wonderful program to help you get some much needed help and  rest while the kids are in good hands. Contact the health department for WIC and find out what other programs are available to help you with some help for you and your kiddies. Also if you can find a good church group, mothers day out or MOPPS (mothers of preschoolers) you will find support and help.

Dont Do ANYTHING while you are so tired and your emotions are all over the map with a new baby. Hugs to you!

Pam in Alabama
A Mom to nine sons and one daughter with five still at home
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 8:50 PM

I second looking for a church! Our church has a great MOPS group. I wish you were close, there are so many great women that could lift you up and help out!  Seek help, there are good people out there!!! Hugs and prayers to you! 

by Bronze Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 2:44 AM

 You sound exhausted! Is the baby colicky? Have reflux problems? Maybe try sitting her up after she eats and letting her sleep upright in car seat or swing might help. Have you taken her to the dr to see if it's something else? While adoption is an option, for me, it would be the last resort. Your children will grow quickly. There is financial help available. Are you on WIC, food stamps, housing program, day care program? I agree with Harmony above that you should not make this decision lightly nor while you are frantic.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 2:53 AM
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