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wanting to adopt

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:31 AM
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Hi!  I'm new to cafemom, and it was recommended to me.  I'm 37-years old, married, infertile, and I very much want to be a mom.  I live near Chicago, IL.  I've gone to a few adoption meetings and have been reading books and browsing a lot of websites.  I haven't decided which way to go.  My husband and I don't have any extra money to spare, but I am afraid to do a low-cost foster-to-adopt program because of the high risk of fostering a child that will return to his or her birthparents.  I keep going back and forth between international and domestic adoption in my mind.  My husband is from a former Soviet Union country, but the Russian adoption program is closed (thank Putin).  Anyway, just thought I'd check this out for advice.  Thanks!

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:31 AM
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by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 6:51 AM

Welcome to the group! 

There are a lot of foster moms in the group that have adopted, so I'm sure you will be able to glean a lot of useful information from them. There are several DIA moms in the group as well. As far as IA goes, there are very few of us. I am one of the IA moms. 

Our process started March 2005 to adopt from China. We finished the paperwork and submitted our dossier on 9/07/05. It was another month before China accepted our dossier ( 10/10/05). The wait had begun to slow considerably at that point, so our referral wait that was projected to be 6 months ended up being 17 months. We got our referral call on 2/1/07 and traveled on 3/29/07-4/14/07. Lilly was 15 months at referral and 2 days shy of 17 months when we met her. She has been home for 6 years and is a bright, gorgeous ( <-- I'm not biased at, bubbly 7.5 year old. It was a long road when she came home due to learning the language, weaning off of a bottle, she learned to crawl and walk right before leaving China, and was horribly behind her peers. She caught up to her peers quickly and has surpassed many of her friends academically. 

If you have any questions, please let me know! 


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13 

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:44 AM

Welcome to the group!

DH and I are adopting thru FC in FL. We want older kids and do not want to be foster parents. It took us about 6 months to be fully licensed and we are now in the matching process. You may want to see if IL offers the same licensing. You may find that not getting a newborn will actually work for your family. Being near a big city, there are lots of younger children and sibling groups available. 

GL with your journey! 

by on Apr. 12, 2013 at 1:20 AM

You can adopt legally free children from foster care. Typically, you have to become licensed foster parents, going through all the training, home inspections, and home study as standard foster parents, but you want to be matched to a child who is legally free. We wanted a legally free child so we set our age limit to children 10 and older. We were matched to a legal-risk 13 year old. He was not legally free, but there was a high probability of him becoming legally free so we took the chance. Our wonderful teenage son just became legally free this week!!! Since he is a foster child, we have the monthly visits with the caseworkers (he has three, long story), visits with biological parents, we have to fill out monthly reports, send reports to the court for hearings just as standard foster parents. Now that he is legally free we are moving into the adoption process - Open Adoption Agreement with bio mother because she relinquished, Adoption Subsidy paperwork, post placement reports with adoption caseworker, name change and any other paperwork required for finalization.

I highly recommend you talk to your local foster care office and see if they have a foster-adopt program. Some states are moving away from foster-adopt and making families go through private agencies if they want to adopt from foster care (this is our case) which cost money. If you can foster-adopt through the state, there will be minimal fees and there are some amazing children waiting for families.

by on Apr. 12, 2013 at 2:09 PM

You could run both processes at once?  We just went to our Department of Human Services and were told that in our county about 5-6 infants are placed directly for adoption each year because biological parents had already lost rights to prior children.  Not every county is the same.  You may also hear that there aren't very many babies.  You can still run that process as it's free and maybe you'll be suprised.

My girlfriend adopted in IL.  Unfortunatly the state laws are difficult there.  They don't allow the use of which is a shame as that's how we found our daughter's birthfamily and we were matched very quickly and the whole adoption came in under $10,000.  My friend in IL still only waited a year, but her costs were about $20,000.

by on Apr. 15, 2013 at 8:10 AM

my husband and i are young i am 23 and he is 22 he is a emt and we have been trying for 3 years to concieve since our miscarriage. and we really dont have the thousands of dallors to spend on adoption n kentuckys social service is not the best i have experience..and recently my husband and i starting looking into adoptions and their are more expencive in kentucky than going in and doing fertility treatments....what else can we do? i mean were not looking for a new born a toddler is fine

by on Sep. 5, 2016 at 12:48 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you for your advice, everyone!  I haven't posted in years - we had taken a break from the adoption journey, but as of last July, we resumed it.  We decided on an international adoption from Ukraine (where my husband is from)!  We are in the final process of adopting one or two school-aged children.  We are awaiting our travel date for our first trip to Kiev where we will get our official referall and will get to meet our child/children!

by Member on Sep. 6, 2016 at 10:18 AM

I'm a former foster mom who adopted.  There are kids that are available for adoption.  You would have to foster others in the meantime. is one.  Also, there are adoption agencies that operate on a sliding scale according to income.  Good luck!

FYI: if you foster first, develop a thick skin!!!

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