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A few questions from a mom looking into adoption?

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 3:50 PM
  • 16 Replies
I really hope it's ok for me to post here! I haven't found as much support as I would like so I turned here!

My name is Jessika! I can from a very large family and to be honest when I was younger I really didn't see myself carrying that on. Maybe just 1 or 2 children. But that all changed with the birth of my first! I knew I would give it another try but a little down the road. Well a little down the road was 6 weeks later! We have 2 that are 10 1/2 months apart! When our second was close to her 1st birthday I just felt... Idk... Not complete if that makes sense. Well a couple weeks after her birthday we found out we were pregnant again! We had a bit of a rocky start but ended the pregnancy with a beautiful baby girl! I wanted so bad to have another close in age similar to my first two. It took 10 months but we became pregnant with our 4th. This pregnancy was scarier. And I went on bed rest in the beginning. I was told I miscarried but after many blood draws and long days in bed I was told the baby had stuck!!!! She was born at 37w6d! She was beautiful and her cry was amazing. Unfortunately the high didn't last long because she was rushed away to the NICU. Almost 12 hours later I found out that she appeared to have very weak and infected looking lungs. That night her right lung collapsed. She had to go on a ventilator at 100% oxygen. It was the scariest thing I have ever went through. To make a long story short she made it through. Her doctor called it nothing short of miraculous! The doctors weren't sure what happened but that it may be something hereditary. I also had a hard recovery due to hemorrhaging. All my deliveries were csections. And though my scar tissue and incision as all held really well I am not sure about pushing it a 5th time. My husband and I had said that we wanted 6 children. Even now that another csection may not be an option or at least not the safest option we have turned to adoption...something we have talked about doing before. We both know many people who have adopted children.... My parents being some(my little brother). With a lot of research and praying we feel like this is what is right for us. Unfortunately not everyone we have spoken to believes that. People have told us we have 4 and that's enough. Mae have also heard multiple times that no birth mother would choose us because we already had so many children an that an agency would not lie enthused to work with us and may turn us away. The same for foster. In no way are we rich but we make enough to lie comfortably even with four children. We live in a four bedroom house and have a large vehicle so we have room. Our children never go without. They have nice clothes on their backs, a playroom full of toys, their own beds, and thy also do many activities(well the ones ok enough too) such as baseball, football, and gymnastics. I feel like we have so much love to offer and that we could take on another child. Is it true though that birth parents, agencies, and/or foster will not want to work with us? Will it be harder for us to adopt a child then someone who has no children? And do you ladies think we are being selfish since we already have children(we've heard this also)?
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 3:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
3mom627
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 6:40 PM
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 Heck no. All you have to do is have room in your home and heart. I don't think foster care would turn you down. We have 4 adopted children and we asked for a fifth and it was ok. If you do adopt from foster care, one word of advice is that these children have a lot of problems. With that said, with love and patience they can turn out to be wonderful

3MOM627

have a nice day

HisCSW
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:17 PM

We are new to this adoption thing too. But I would think that the more childen that you have the better you would be at getting a child because you have 4 other happy kids. Sorry just my thoughts on the subject.

dressy3
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:24 PM
Quoting 3mom627:

 Heck no. All you have to do is have room in your home and heart. I don't think foster care would turn you down. We have 4 adopted children and we asked for a fifth and it was ok. If you do adopt from foster care, one word of advice is that these children have a lot of problems. With that said, with love and patience they can turn out to be wonderful




Thank you! It's so good I hear that from someone! We really want to do this. I'm not sure about which way to go about adoption whether private or through foster. Honestly I don't really know the difference. I had read a lot into the different options but it's a lot to take in. Any advice is welcome!
dressy3
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:24 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting HisCSW:

We are new to this adoption thing too. But I would think that the more childen that you have the better you would be at getting a child because you have 4 other happy kids. Sorry just my thoughts on the subject.




I really hope you right!!! Thank you!
takes_a_village
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:33 PM

With foster care you will likely need to foster (and most will go home) if you want a n infant. If you are willing to adopt an older child then you could usually go right to adoption. In my state a 2 parent household may have 7 children in the home (including fosters) so 4 is no worry. I even have a quiver full friend who has 9 and she fostered up to 3 at a time up until this last baby was born. So exceptions can be made :) The real thing with foster parenting is just showing that you have a lot of love and are good parents.

hopalong47
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 6:37 AM

Good luck to you! We adopted two and then I got pregnant (while waiting to adopt a third.) I would love to have had more than three, but that did not happen. We count our blessings ever day!

SarahSuzyQ
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:06 AM
1 mom liked this

In my state foster parents can only have 5 children under 18, including bio, adopted, and foster kids. They will sometimes make exceptions for sibling groups.

You should be able to find the guidelines for your state in terms of fostering by looking on your state's social services website. And I agree with PP that you will likely want to be a "regular" foster parent if you are looking to care for an infant, and prepare yourself for that baby to return home or to extended family.

Welcome to the group!

harmony7
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 5:13 PM
2 moms liked this

 We have 7 bio kids and adopted three brothers...check your states criteria...but I would think the kids will not keep you from adopting!

Pam in Alabama
A Mom to nine sons and one daughter with five still at home
sillytime
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 5:49 PM
As a foster parent in south Florida you can have up to 6 children as long as you have the room. They sometimes make exceptions if your willing to take sibling groups of 2 or more.
KLove_Mom
by on Oct. 12, 2013 at 12:41 PM
1 mom liked this

I have a similar story... only 3 kids, but 2 c-sections, and don't want to do that again. My bp and pulse were dangerously low during and after the 2nd one. It was scary.

We had always talked about a couple pregancies and a couple adoptions, so that's where we are now.

We are pursuing a domestic adoption of a child newborn to 4 years old (younger than our oldest). 
We are on the profile list at our agency for being chosen by a birthmother, but we are also looking at adoption available toddlers and preschoolers.

We do realize that many birth mothers may not choose us because we already have children, but don't want to make that assumption fully. Someone may look at our family and be glad their child will already have siblings to grow up with. So we're looking at both options.

You can decide your preferences and talk to agencies about them. 

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