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Thanks for nothing! vent

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 6:42 PM
  • 5 Replies

Is what i wanted to say to an adoption attorney we met today.

Today was one of those days where everything goes wrong. I missed a doctors appointment (due to sciatica nerve pain) today because we woke up late, went to the attorney's office, which had moved AND had the note on the door had the wrong address. After searching forever downtown looking for parking, DH realized he'd forgotten his debit card at our house, so he had to search for free parking or risk getting a ticket. The attorney's office gate was impossible to open so i had to go around the building (i have a walker right now due to the nerve pain) in the bitter biting cold. Of course by this time we were 30 mins late. I called DH but he didn't answer his phone (was on silent) and i couldn't find him anywhere.

Told the adoption attorney what we were looking for, (which is a child under 7) only to have her recommend us going through our local CPS (which i did NOT want to do, due to the fact close family members have had court cases against CPS due to them causing the death of one of their children AND taking a different family members child away with schizophrenia and letting her keep medication in her purse at 10 years old). Or through our tribe (DH is registered Native American citizen) which we tried to contact twice (once in August, another time in December), only to hear nothing back from them.

She also went on about how going through her and finding a birthmother would be so expensive (basically insinuating we couldn't afford it) and CPS or our tribe would be free and in lots of cases even pay you (uh i'm not adopting so i can get money).

Why is this so difficult? We just wanted someone to represent us as adoptive parents, not someone who would tell me nothing i didn't already know or had thought about. The worst part is, this person was reccommended by our independent adoption home study provider, which is making me question working with her too.

To top it all off, our checks (bank checks) arrived in the mail today and they spelled my incredibly easy middle name wrong, i called to find out, that despite everything on the paperwork being right and them photocopying my license (which has the correct middle name), it is wrong on their system. I feel like crying.

by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 6:42 PM
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by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 11:15 AM
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During our adoption, when things went wrong, I called it our "morning sickness". Hang in there!
by Claire on Feb. 6, 2014 at 11:47 AM
2 moms liked this

I know you are frustrated...

What the attorney said is right. It is called "adoption ethics" and they need to tell you every option available or else they are at risk for being sued later. 

I'm going to be honest with you...the odds of you finding a child 7 and under ( unless an infant) in a domestic adoption are going to be almost impossible. If you want an older child, you are not going to find them will find them through the county/state/ or your tribe. They also have to tell you the expenses upfront or they are misrepresenting themselves as well as adoption fees. It's not that you can't afford it, it's just what they are required to tell you. Trust don't want to have an unethical attorney that glosses over important information such as fees. 

I don't want to discourage you, but you can't get worked up over those types of things or else you will have a very difficult road ahead of you in adoption. It's going to be a lot of repetition with information, documentation, classes, have to get used to it...I can't tell you how many times we heard the same information, did paperwork, etc on our journey all those years ago. We had to redo paperwork numerous times due to expiration's frustrating, but necessary. 

Take a deep breath, scream into a pillow, cry if you need to, and it will happen before you know it. 


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

by Member on Feb. 6, 2014 at 3:27 PM

So sorry for what you are going through.  Going through the process can be tough.  I remember going into our state's foster care program and literally walking away in tears.  I just never thought or dreamed adopting would be so hard.  Thankfully we did go on to adopt privately after years of waiting and wanting a child.  Hang in there...follow your heart - and never give up.  Stay strong and believe me I know its hard many a night I cried myself to sleep thinking adoption would never happen for us.  I prayed and prayed and then one day out of the blue our prayers were answered.  You have to be willing to take the risk and take the good with the bad.  We are all here if you need us...

by on Feb. 7, 2014 at 9:28 AM

With the exception of infants and young toddlers, you are unlikely to find a chikl under seven through private adoption.  Such children are most likely to be available through state foster care systems or through private agencies -- in the latter case, usually children who have experienced a disrupted adoption.  You can also adopt children in that age range internationally.

Many agencies offer discounted fees for adopting children 6 and up, either domestically or internationally.  Boys, in particular, are considered hard to place, so if you are open to parenting a boy, you are likely to be attractive to an agency.


by on Feb. 7, 2014 at 7:51 PM

My whole thing is i didn't mind working with a state care situation just OUR state is SO messed up it's not even funny, every other day you hear about our local CPS (called DHS here), not removing/causing a death or injury to a child due to oversight. As mentioned before, members of my family have cases against DHS for causing the death of their child so it's a bad feeling all around.

We chose not to work with agencies for a few different reasons, one of which was cost, another was we are considered "inter-faith" (i'm agnostic and he was/is Methodist) and all the agencies in our state are strictly Christian, another was (i'm not going against people that do this) we both really didn't feel comfortable putting ourselves on display and wanting to be "picked".

I did end up calling the tribal office again (this is the 3rd time) on Wednesday and hopefully it will work out this time (tribal was our 1st choice).

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