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so...The BM came to his 2nd birthday party.....

Posted by on May. 4, 2014 at 8:36 PM
  • 8 Replies
It is a open adoption...she sees pics if him and we talk thru text and email...but this is the first time she has seen him since he was 6 days old...His birthday party was today....i feel so overwhelmed ...she text me and said she made such a wonderful decision on giving my son to us....i have been such a emotional wreck since the party....i don't know why....
by on May. 4, 2014 at 8:36 PM
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Replies (1-8):
megatriguena
by on May. 5, 2014 at 8:40 AM
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Probably just overwhelmed. I sometimes feel so much pressure to be a good mom, I feel so grateful that my son's bm chose us, that I get to have him in my life. Visits only heighten these feelings. During the annual visit my feelings vacillate btwn twinges of jealousy/competitiveness (ugly but honest) and really wanting her to feel that she made a good decision. She texted a similar message after the last visit and I felt so happy. It's just an emotional hodgepodge that will settle down with time. Hoping you feel better.
Greysonmommy
by on May. 5, 2014 at 9:22 AM
Thank you.....i am better today...i think between my son growing so fast and a busy day and the BM there....i was overwelmed....she was super nice.

Quoting megatriguena: Probably just overwhelmed. I sometimes feel so much pressure to be a good mom, I feel so grateful that my son's bm chose us, that I get to have him in my life. Visits only heighten these feelings. During the annual visit my feelings vacillate btwn twinges of jealousy/competitiveness (ugly but honest) and really wanting her to feel that she made a good decision. She texted a similar message after the last visit and I felt so happy. It's just an emotional hodgepodge that will settle down with time. Hoping you feel better.
Camimom95
by on May. 11, 2014 at 1:12 AM
How did your families do interacting with his BM? Did everyone treat her kindly and feel at ease or were some family members uncomfortable to have her there and share his special day?
Greysonmommy
by on May. 11, 2014 at 7:48 AM
I talked to her a little bit. I was so busy with the party. ..but my mom was super sweet and sat next to her and talked yo her quite a bit. And all my friends were very nice and polite. I asked her how everyone was and she said very nice and made her feel good.
erikadi
by on May. 29, 2014 at 10:55 AM

Are you afraid that now that she has actually seen him she will want him back? Or are you coming down from all the emotions?

Greysonmommy
by on May. 30, 2014 at 8:50 PM
1 mom liked this
She can't get him back.....I just felt intimidated I guess...i have been mommy since day 1...i don't know what I was feeling.. i am good now and we have talked since then
putler
by on Jun. 4, 2014 at 3:07 PM
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I'm sorry "greysonmommy", but his mother was mother from day one. You are mother now. Please don't trivialize the fact that she carried him for nine months and gave birth to him. You are doing the RIGHT THING for your son in an open adoption like this. He will not go through the agony of wondering who he really is, and where he came from. These are wounds that haunt children of closed adoption for LIFE. There are millions of people like myself searching for our natural families who have been severely hurt by adoption, and millions of natural mothers as well. I applaud you for actually DOING what is best for your child!! It is healthy for your child, and for the mother who carried and gave birth to him.  It's not a competition, but it will be the most challenging relationship you ever have. As long as everyone stays focused on what is best for your boy, things will be ok. Kudos...you are doing an amazing job!!!!

nayeli.c
by on Jul. 2, 2014 at 8:19 PM

Your son is such a handsome boy!


I think unless you have a really good relationship with the birthmother its got to be difficult. There are some people who are best friends with the bm and thats great but others are more estranged (like you I'm sure) and feel like they are being judged and are worried the bm will cause problems with their relationship with their son.

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