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Please help!

Posted by on Jan. 26, 2018 at 12:51 PM
  • 3 Replies

Hi, I am new here and looking for ideas. My husband and I have been waiting to adopt for over 3 years. We are waiting for a private adoption through an agency. We are not having luck and don't really want to switch agencies since the ones i have talked to all require us to pay the full agency fees to be listed with them. We would love to even find a birth mom on our own and have the agency do the legal paper work for us, but not having any luck there either. I have been active on Facebook (that is hard since all my friends are having babies right now) and even started an Instaram account and have been active there too. It is just so frustrating to have to keep waiting!!! I was th contact person for our agency, but i have decided that i can not handle that anymore and am in the process of switching all contact information to my husband so he can filter it all for me. we have had a really hard last few weeks emotionally. we started to look at if foster care would be a god fit for us right now and after talking with a few people we decided that we need to stay the course. we are planing to pursue foster care AFTER we have a successful private adoption. we decided that it would just be to hard to love someone else's baby with out one of our own. I say this because about 90% of foster care babies in our county are returning to bio parents or going to kinship care. and many of them after they have been with Foster parents after 2 or more years. we are not looking to adopt a child, we want to adopt a baby. please don't make judgments on that statement, it is just where we are and how we feel right now, this may change as we move on in the process after we adopt lo #1.

I hope htis makes sences, but i just need to get my feelings out and make sure i am not the only one that is havign these problems, when i lokk at how long the "wait" is "suposed" to be people are still saying 1-2 years. we are closing in on 4 years!! our agency is placing about 3-4 babies per year right now in our state and they have over 20 families waiting. this is so frustrating and exhausting!!

when i talk to people about it they are all full of what we should do differently: switch agencies, just do foster care, why don't you adopt internationaly, why can't you just get pergnant (that one bothers me to no end!!). It can make me feel like i can't talk to any one, even my mom has been perssuring us to look at foster care. after talking with her this week with more acrurate information then just this is what happened with our friends in a different state 10 years ago she has finally back off (i hope).

I read on a post that you can put your profile here, but i don't know how.

i would love to know if there are agancies or websites we cna list or profile on which are nto going to charge us thousands of dollars!! i have heard about adoption.com, but that is 2 hunderd per month and the FAQ says that the average couple is on there 8 months. i just need some ideas i can talkw ith my husband about. i don't know how people can do this when they don't even use an agency (not that it is doing my=uch right now...)

thank you for reading my emotionally driven plea.

rebecca

by on Jan. 26, 2018 at 12:51 PM
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Replies (1-3):
Kellyjude1
by Member on Jan. 26, 2018 at 6:35 PM

Welcome to the group.  My heart goes out to you believe me I know your heartache and pain.  We adopted privately- My advice to you of course, is never give up !!  I never thought it would happen for us- believe me there were many years of heartache, pain and tears...I just wanted to be a mom and that desire and love never goes away....many prayers and lots of faith for many years and finally we were so very blessed!  Are you with a large agency? Maybe switching to a smaller agency may help.  Most important get yourself out there even in your emails place at the bottom...we are looking to adopt -make it known through family and friends.  Not sure what state you are in as every state law differs- not sure if you can advertise - There are websites online that have adoption situations, but I have never used an agency - If you need someone to just vent to or anything you can message me.  I will gladly answer the questions that I can.  Hopefully soon you will be blessed....Hang in there!

Elliepp
by New Member on Feb. 13, 2018 at 11:12 AM

Where is your porfile posted? We used an agency in California and we are from the East Coast. Their marketing was very good. Also, in your profile are you open to any child or immediate adoptions? Sometimes if you restrict yourself it takes longer. We said we were open to an immediate adoption which means you can get a call and have a baby that week. Our profile was on YouTube at one point. I truly wish you good luck. Its so stressful and the wait is killer but that special child will pick you and your heart will be filled with love. 

hotspice58
by Member on Feb. 20, 2018 at 10:10 PM
Have you looked at agencies that are income-based or go on a sliding scale? There is one on the East coast that does.
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