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What do you do when you really don't like sex?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I really do not like sex. Never has. It's always been more of a burden than an enjoyable experience. My DH's sex drive has not decreased at all in the 16 years we've been together but mine sure has. It went from being a low sex drive to no sex drive and now to a "please, don't even try to touch me" sex drive.

I've tried to "have sex even when you don't want it" routine and that just led to me resenting him and caused a lot of problems.

No insurance so the doctor is out. I have an iud, the one without the hormones because the hormones in bc pills just made me mean and dropped my already non-existant sex drive even farther down the tubes.

Sleep would be great but the 9 month old baby has been keeping me up half the night. And even when I was getting good sleep, I still hated sex.

Counselors, therapists, doctors, etc all cost money we don't have right now.

I'm so tired of disappointing him but I really hate sex.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 5, 2012 at 1:57 AM
Replies (101-104):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:28 AM


Quoting fruitypeb5:

just curious - how were your parents in regards to sex?

my mom was very uptight about it. she worked for a male jewish doctor and when i wanted to have a boyfriend at 15, she took me TO HIM FOR THE SEX TALK. No sex talk was ever had between me and my mom. I didn't even know sex existed until I was like 12-13. When (at 16-17) I did mention that I wish we could talk about things like my friend and her mom, my mom SNAPPED at me saying - WHAT IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT, I ALREADY KNOW YOU HAVE SEX!!

I have realized that because of the way my mom was, i was kind of prudish, always hated my body even though I actually had a great body as a 20ish year old but HATED it - just didn't realize it. Never thought it was OK to be naked around another person. Just weird things that you pick up subconsciously. Beliefs subtly planted in my subconscious throughout the first 18 years of my life.

Not saying this is your case exactly, just wondering if your upbringing planted beliefs that you still harbor.

Single mom, no dad in the picture. She was very open to talking about sex and such. I wasn't. lol The thought has always made me feel yucky.

I won't say I hate my body. It's alright. I'm 5'5", 115 pounds. I wish I could get a boob job just so tops would fit better (I barely fill an A cup). I don't like my face though. Puberty was not nice to me. Even at my age now (mid-30's) I still have many acne breakouts. ew and yuck. lol But from the neck down, I'm not too bad (just wish I had a bigger chest).

foxymomof4
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 9:29 AM

 Once again sorry:) I was just wondering where your issue came from, I have low thyroid so my sex drive is not the great either I dont hate it but like you there are time that I dont even wanna be touched.What has worked for me is getting massages and lots of support from my husband.I truly wish you best in life and I hope you get the support that you need and deserve from your husband.

Quoting Anonymous:

Sorry, just what you said, the way you said it made it seem like if you don't like sex, you shouldn't get married. I wasn't mad, just trying to clarify what you meant when you said "why did you get married if you don't like sex" That phrase leads one to believe that you think people who don't like sex shouldn't get married at all.

Quoting foxymomof4:

 Wow!! I'm sorry I never meant to upset you I just wanted to know if there was a deeper issue to you hating sex.

I know marriage is not all about sex trust me I had issues with it and like you seeked advice.Again I didnt not meant to offend you thats not my style.

Good luck to you and I hope your husband understands what you are going thruogh:)

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting foxymomof4:

 How come? what happen that made you hate sex.I think your issue is deeper than just hating sex and why did you get married if you dont like sex it does not make sense:(

Look for a catholic charities they offer free counseling even if you are not catholic. Good luck!!

I'm sorry but that statement just doesn;t make sense. So because I have never had a sex drive I shouldn't have gotten married? Just because I do not like sex doesn't mean I cannot fall in love (which I did). And if you equate marriage with just sex then you're going to have some rough times down the road. Marriage is a hell of a lot more than sex. Marriage is love and friendship, companionship and intimacy (intimacy comes in many forms, not just sex), comfort and care, tears and laughter. People who are paralized cannot always have sex either, should they be forever single? Older people do not always have sex (whether for drop in drive or medical reasons), should they divorce since they no longer desire or oare physically able to have sex?

I married my DH because I love him. I love his sense of humor and his smile, his protection and his care, the way we talk together, the things we do together, the fun we have, the life we share... why should that be denied because I do not like sex? Sex does not equal love. Sex may be an expression of that love for some people, but it is not love.

I wanted a husband and children. I always have. I married for love and family, not for sex.


 


 

CuteCooties
by Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 10:28 AM

She is asexual.  It's not real common but some people are.  My boss is.  He actually met his wife in a chat room for asexual persons.  They were even in a 20/20 TV piece several years ago about this.  They say they are affectionate and love each other but feel no reason or desire to get freaky.  I personally can't really wrap my brain around it too well but I can tell you it's real that OP feels this way and it's not that anything is 'wrong' with her, just unique.

I suppose the real question is how does DH handle his needs and what, if anything, she would advise him to do about his needs.  Not having sex is not an answer to that, by the way.

IrishGem87
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 10:45 AM

asexual is a term used for people who are not attracted to either sex. they have no desire to be with a man or a woman. it causes no excitement for them. it is pretty much the opposite of being bisexual, by going both ways. asexual does not go either way. hope i helped and sorry your not into sex...Sex is amazing in my opinion!

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting anime.princess:

Are you asexual?

What's that???


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