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What do you do when you really don't like sex?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I really do not like sex. Never has. It's always been more of a burden than an enjoyable experience. My DH's sex drive has not decreased at all in the 16 years we've been together but mine sure has. It went from being a low sex drive to no sex drive and now to a "please, don't even try to touch me" sex drive.

I've tried to "have sex even when you don't want it" routine and that just led to me resenting him and caused a lot of problems.

No insurance so the doctor is out. I have an iud, the one without the hormones because the hormones in bc pills just made me mean and dropped my already non-existant sex drive even farther down the tubes.

Sleep would be great but the 9 month old baby has been keeping me up half the night. And even when I was getting good sleep, I still hated sex.

Counselors, therapists, doctors, etc all cost money we don't have right now.

I'm so tired of disappointing him but I really hate sex.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 5, 2012 at 1:57 AM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:06 AM


Quoting 4kidsmommy:

Sometimes postpartum too can effect the sexual part. Your baby is only 9 months old. I too have been there. I did go to the doc and get meds for a couple of months, but at the same time I stopped taking them because I knew it was just something in my head. Overtired, taking care of 4 kids under the age of six. I don't know if you have more children. But I would defintely think that maybe you still have the baby blues. And trust me back then I didn't want DH to come near me with his package. The thought of him and sex made me want to vomit. All lead towards baby blues. Good luck!!!!!

I've always felt this way. It's just more amplified now. Before kids, after kids.

Bee86lpn
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:09 AM
This is a problem that probably cannot be solved without a doctor or sex therapist then. If you aren't gettin stimulation you either have a mental block or a physical condition.


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Bee86lpn:

Do you masturbate? Do you enjoy clitoral stimulation?

no and no


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jenn75
by Gold Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:20 AM
Maybe youre just not that into him anymore.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:35 AM


Quoting jenn75:

Maybe youre just not that into him anymore.

Sexually speaking, I never was. Not with anyone.

GirlWithANikon
by Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:44 AM

some people just aren't that into sex. I dont understand why it has to be some kind of medical problem. We all have free will and likes and dislikes. I have read no law that says all animals or people enjoy sex.

Maybe you will just have to come to a compromise with DH, like what is a fair amount for you to deal with doing it and him to deal with not getting it. Youre going to hve to compromise and that means not being resentful, as with anything in a marriage. You'll have to get over disliking him for liking it like he cant dislike you for not. I don't think you need a Dr. to tell you how to love your husband and compromise in your marriage. I bet you compromise in your relationship EVERYDAY with no help. If you didn't you wouldn't still be married, KWIM?

thecoffeefairy
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:06 AM
Do you feel that you are pretty? Fit? Intelligent? Lovable? If the answers are no, I suggest working on your self esteem. You should feel pretty and sexy, not gross. I could not enjoy sex if I felt gross and I love sex. Start asking yourself why you feel that way and work on changing those things.


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting thecoffeefairy:

Have you had other partners? Have you successfully masturbated? Have you read erotic literature? For women, the key to mind blowing sex IS the mindset. You have to be there mentally before you can physically get there. If you have the I hate it, this suck attitude you just won't get into it. Do anything that makes you feel sexy. It does not matter what it is. Get your nails done, buy a new dress, have hubby cook for you. Trust me, a willing sex partner is worth any extra work worth it.

other partners, yes. 3 (if you include my DH). I have tried masterbation and don't like it, same feelings as sex only with just myself. erotica, yes, also to no avail. I honestly think my mind just isn't wired for sex. I cannot fantasize, watch, read about it without feeling ill. I do not feel sexy, never have. Again, I don't think I'm wired that way. Instead of feeling sexy, I feel gross.


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:21 AM

Pretty, no. Passable, I guess. From the neck down, I think I look good (wish the boobs were bigger though). But I have never liked my face. Puberty was not kind to me, even now, at 36 I still get acne. Blah. Fit, yes. I can't run a marathon but I am not overweight, all the baby weight is gone and I am right where I need to be for my height. Intelligent, I have a doctorate so, yes. lol Loveable, eh. I'm not really a touchy/feely personality.

I don't think I explained it well. I don't think I'm gross. But I feel the act of sex (alone or with someone else) is gross. When I have tried to dress "sexy" it just reminded me of how I don't like how sex feels.

Quoting thecoffeefairy:

Do you feel that you are pretty? Fit? Intelligent? Lovable? If the answers are no, I suggest working on your self esteem. You should feel pretty and sexy, not gross. I could not enjoy sex if I felt gross and I love sex. Start asking yourself why you feel that way and work on changing those things.


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting thecoffeefairy:

Have you had other partners? Have you successfully masturbated? Have you read erotic literature? For women, the key to mind blowing sex IS the mindset. You have to be there mentally before you can physically get there. If you have the I hate it, this suck attitude you just won't get into it. Do anything that makes you feel sexy. It does not matter what it is. Get your nails done, buy a new dress, have hubby cook for you. Trust me, a willing sex partner is worth any extra work worth it.

other partners, yes. 3 (if you include my DH). I have tried masterbation and don't like it, same feelings as sex only with just myself. erotica, yes, also to no avail. I honestly think my mind just isn't wired for sex. I cannot fantasize, watch, read about it without feeling ill. I do not feel sexy, never have. Again, I don't think I'm wired that way. Instead of feeling sexy, I feel gross.



Melanie420
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:23 AM

Sex therapy. Good luck :)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:26 AM


Quoting GirlWithANikon:

some people just aren't that into sex. I dont understand why it has to be some kind of medical problem. We all have free will and likes and dislikes. I have read no law that says all animals or people enjoy sex.

Maybe you will just have to come to a compromise with DH, like what is a fair amount for you to deal with doing it and him to deal with not getting it. Youre going to hve to compromise and that means not being resentful, as with anything in a marriage. You'll have to get over disliking him for liking it like he cant dislike you for not. I don't think you need a Dr. to tell you how to love your husband and compromise in your marriage. I bet you compromise in your relationship EVERYDAY with no help. If you didn't you wouldn't still be married, KWIM?

lol It does make it harder to actually do it when you don't like it though. lol

We do compromise quite a bit. If he could, he'd have sex multiple times per day. If I could, I'd have sex never. I don't resent him for wanting it, or when I do have sex with him. It's not his fault I'm not hard-wired for sex. kwim? I love my husband with all my heart. Outside of sex, we have a great relationship. 16 years of marriage and still going strong, despite a wife who doesn't enjoy sex.

EthansMomma2010
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:26 AM
Please don't take this the wrong way but are you autistic? It manifests itself in adults differently than in kids. You say you connected to your dh on a mental level but not a physical level. Have you ever been physically attracted to anyone?
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