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What things does a guy do in bed that you wish he wouldn't?

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11 Signs He Desperately Needs Sex Lessons

Posted by Kiri Blakeley on November 26, 2012

One of the funniest -- and saddest -- break-up stories I ever heard was the friend who broke up with her boyfriend because he couldn't find her clitoris. I mean, it was there. But no matter how much my friend "guided" him to its whereabouts, he'd just as quickly "forget" where it was. Finally, my friend said she drew him a map. An actual map. Because guys like maps. But alas, this guy was not only bad at finding the clitoris, he was bad at reading maps. My friend ended up dumping him. She felt a little guilty, but she honestly couldn't wrap her head around a guy who claimed to care about her pleasure in bed, but couldn't seem to figure out the female anatomy -- and perhaps had no real desire to.

I'm not saying everyone is should be perfect in the sack -- especially when a partner just getting to know what your likes. But then there's just being selfish, or stubbornly clueless, or just plain bad. Here are 11 signs he needs to redo Sex 101.

It's all about him. Sex is over in three minutes, he's satisfied, and then he looks at you like, "That was amazing!" while you're all, "Hello? What just happened? I'm still here!"

Ooooh vs. Owwww. He doesn't know the difference between an Oooohhh that means Keep Going and an Oooohhh that means Stop, that hurts!

He thinks your nipples are dials. And he must twist them. Perhaps he thinks he's tuning you to the right channel.

He thinks your nipples don't exist and ignores them completely.

He thinks that old high school term about "eating out" a girl is a literal term and proceeds to go at you like he's gnawing on a stick of gum.

He seems to have missed his calling as a sports announcer and has to give the play-by-play of everything he does. And now I'm kissing your neck! And now I'm sucking your toes! This is even more annoying if he actually IS a sports announcer.

He won't shut up and keeps asking you questions and grilling you through the entire thing. Do you like this, huh, huh, do ya? Well, do ya?!

He immediately flops over and goes to sleep the second he's done, without so much as a half-hearted snuggle or a peck on the cheek or even a pat on the head.

Foreplay is non-existent. He thinks the term has something to do with golf.

You need to see a chiropracter after sex because he bang bang bangs on you like a human hammer, leaving your neck and back in knots.

He has zero interest in asking what pleases you, and if you decide to tell him, he has zero interest in complying.

What other things does a guy do in bed that you wish he wouldn't?

by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 12:36 PM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 27, 2012 at 4:32 PM
2 moms liked this

I'm with your "clitoris" friend! When he is trying to warm me up, he will sit and rub the crevice where my leg meets my vagina. I'll take his hand and place it on my actual clitoris, and about thirty seconds later his hand is way the fuck off where I have no sensation at all. I don't get it. It's like he gets so excited he turns into a chihuahua...

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 27, 2012 at 4:36 PM
I am opposite... I love that. It's a pain-pleasure thing for me. Exes it hurt when they did it but my SO does it hard but only hurts just enough and he switches it up so I never know what to expect :)


Quoting Anonymous:

I hate it when my dh bites my nipples like also thinks biting my clitoris feels good even tho i told him it hurts like hell.

ngarciaf
by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 4:38 PM
Oh my God. U had me busting out laughing about your response. Funny stuff.


Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting angelrane23:


My husband always tries to shove his whole hand inside me... And every time i have to tell him to stop or it hurts. Don't know why he's so obsessed with this lately but it's driving me nuts... in a bad way.



OUCH!!!!!!!! I think i'd be tempted to grab his balls and pull till he cried.. when gets mad I'd say hurts doesn't.. same with you sticking your whole hand up in me geez dude have some consideration


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Nov. 27, 2012 at 4:42 PM

You know, "articles" such as this one would be less ridiculous if there was SOME kind of Sex 101 advice included.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 27, 2012 at 4:43 PM
Mine does it really really hard like to where i almost start crying iv slapped him one time in bed because he bit me so hard after telling him to stop over 10x


Quoting Anonymous:

I am opposite... I love that. It's a pain-pleasure thing for me. Exes it hurt when they did it but my SO does it hard but only hurts just enough and he switches it up so I never know what to expect :)




Quoting Anonymous:

I hate it when my dh bites my nipples like also thinks biting my clitoris feels good even tho i told him it hurts like hell.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Nov. 27, 2012 at 4:51 PM
1 mom liked this
Next time youre giving him a bj, bite it just as hard


Quoting Anonymous:

Mine does it really really hard like to where i almost start crying iv slapped him one time in bed because he bit me so hard after telling him to stop over 10x




Quoting Anonymous:

I am opposite... I love that. It's a pain-pleasure thing for me. Exes it hurt when they did it but my SO does it hard but only hurts just enough and he switches it up so I never know what to expect :)






Quoting Anonymous:

I hate it when my dh bites my nipples like also thinks biting my clitoris feels good even tho i told him it hurts like hell.



EthansMomma2010
by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 4:58 PM
When he wants to lay there and be lazy as hell about kissing me and getting me going. Like he has all day. Sorry dude. I love you but I have a life outside the bedroom and you are on a time limit. Not to mention I feel awkward and don't know what is going on.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 27, 2012 at 4:58 PM
:D i should, maybe he would learn! Lol


Quoting Anonymous:

Next time youre giving him a bj, bite it just as hard




Quoting Anonymous:

Mine does it really really hard like to where i almost start crying iv slapped him one time in bed because he bit me so hard after telling him to stop over 10x






Quoting Anonymous:

I am opposite... I love that. It's a pain-pleasure thing for me. Exes it hurt when they did it but my SO does it hard but only hurts just enough and he switches it up so I never know what to expect :)








Quoting Anonymous:

I hate it when my dh bites my nipples like also thinks biting my clitoris feels good even tho i told him it hurts like hell.




Peanut0110
by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 5:23 PM

I hate that he is soo quiet when we have sex or that he doesn't get very agrressive in the beginning to show me that he really wants it. Oh and he has tendency to always bang me like a jack rabbit. It's like bam bam bam bam bam bam..finished lol. Come on!! I have asked him to do slow deep thrusts and he says he will go soft, he won't even try, it's really annoying. I get that sometimes fast sex is fun but it makes it really hard for me to focus on what feels good, it's like it goes soo fast that I don't even know what I am feeling. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Nov. 27, 2012 at 6:06 PM

 How about just about everything in the original post?????

It's all about him. Sex is over in three minutes, he's satisfied, and then he looks at you like, "That was amazing!" while you're all, "Hello? What just happened? I'm still here!"

Ooooh vs. Owwww. He doesn't know the difference between anOooohhh that means Keep Going and an Oooohhh that means Stop, that hurts!

He thinks your nipples are dials. And he must twist them. Perhaps he thinks he's tuning you to the right channel.

He immediately flops over and goes to sleep the second he's done, without so much as a half-hearted snuggle or a peck on the cheek or even a pat on the head.

Foreplay is non-existent. He thinks the term has something to do with golf.

You need to see a chiropracter after sex because he bang bang bangs on you like a human hammer, leaving your neck and back in knots.

He has zero interest in asking what pleases you, and if you decide to tell him, he has zero interest in complying

All of the above!  The only one missed was keep on trying to do something that one partner doesn't like, finds repulsive - like anal sex or another poster mentioned foot-sucking.  We all have our likes and dislikes, get over it.

The worst part, is when we were dating he was <insert Tony the Tiger voice> GEEERATE!!!!  We're talking multiple O's, falling asleep in a happy tangle of limbs and smiles, etc.  It's like he just doesn't give a good GD anymore.  That breaks my heart a little more each time.

Did you (general you) ever notice, though, when men are around talking with their buddies, or there's a letter in some cheesy advice column somewhere, they whine that they just don't get any anymore.  Gee, ya think?  Look in the mirror, loverboy, for your answer.  Too often, it's literally a pain and it's not fun, then why bother?

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