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What things does a guy do in bed that you wish he wouldn't?

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11 Signs He Desperately Needs Sex Lessons

Posted by Kiri Blakeley on November 26, 2012

One of the funniest -- and saddest -- break-up stories I ever heard was the friend who broke up with her boyfriend because he couldn't find her clitoris. I mean, it was there. But no matter how much my friend "guided" him to its whereabouts, he'd just as quickly "forget" where it was. Finally, my friend said she drew him a map. An actual map. Because guys like maps. But alas, this guy was not only bad at finding the clitoris, he was bad at reading maps. My friend ended up dumping him. She felt a little guilty, but she honestly couldn't wrap her head around a guy who claimed to care about her pleasure in bed, but couldn't seem to figure out the female anatomy -- and perhaps had no real desire to.

I'm not saying everyone is should be perfect in the sack -- especially when a partner just getting to know what your likes. But then there's just being selfish, or stubbornly clueless, or just plain bad. Here are 11 signs he needs to redo Sex 101.

It's all about him. Sex is over in three minutes, he's satisfied, and then he looks at you like, "That was amazing!" while you're all, "Hello? What just happened? I'm still here!"

Ooooh vs. Owwww. He doesn't know the difference between an Oooohhh that means Keep Going and an Oooohhh that means Stop, that hurts!

He thinks your nipples are dials. And he must twist them. Perhaps he thinks he's tuning you to the right channel.

He thinks your nipples don't exist and ignores them completely.

He thinks that old high school term about "eating out" a girl is a literal term and proceeds to go at you like he's gnawing on a stick of gum.

He seems to have missed his calling as a sports announcer and has to give the play-by-play of everything he does. And now I'm kissing your neck! And now I'm sucking your toes! This is even more annoying if he actually IS a sports announcer.

He won't shut up and keeps asking you questions and grilling you through the entire thing. Do you like this, huh, huh, do ya? Well, do ya?!

He immediately flops over and goes to sleep the second he's done, without so much as a half-hearted snuggle or a peck on the cheek or even a pat on the head.

Foreplay is non-existent. He thinks the term has something to do with golf.

You need to see a chiropracter after sex because he bang bang bangs on you like a human hammer, leaving your neck and back in knots.

He has zero interest in asking what pleases you, and if you decide to tell him, he has zero interest in complying.

What other things does a guy do in bed that you wish he wouldn't?

by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 12:36 PM
Replies (31-40):
AmandaN1
by Bronze Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 9:42 AM

OMG /dead "Finally, my friend said she drew him a map. An actual map. Because guys like maps"

For some reason hubby kisses my cheek and forehead. It's kinda annoying because to me it feels like something your gma would do, so it's not a turn on. AT ALL. I just have to turn and wiggle so he stops. But he hasn't gotten the hint yet? LOL  Oh well, the rest is amazing anyhow.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Nov. 28, 2012 at 10:11 AM
1 mom liked this

Well we just broke up, but...

He tried to kiss during sex. EVERY TIME. REPEATEDLY. I have good reasons for hating all the lovey dovey crap and he knows this. 

He thought he could start off by going at my clitoris like a jackhammer... Or at least, that's what he inteded to do. It was more like my thigh.

Eventually he decided that sex is boring and he shouldn't have to bother with foreplay, at all. He started to act like I should be so grateful for him bestowing this glorious gift of sex upon me!

Oh, and this was how it would go...
"Backrub?"
*gives backrub*
"Blowjob?"
*gives blowjob*
"In now?"
"NO, you can't bloody well put it in now!" 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Nov. 28, 2012 at 1:27 PM

My ex didn't care about foreplay and thought a quick peck was enough to get me going. Uh no. Also he would practicly engulf my nose while making out with me. I was like we're kiss not eating each other relax I'm tired of having your young in my nostrils. He would also push my head down and thrust while I was sucking him wich was very uncomfortable.

2under5.mom
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 5:21 PM

 FART!!!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on Nov. 28, 2012 at 5:38 PM

Sandpaper fingers!!! He NEEDS to moisturize, and I tell him this! We have a whole collection of lotions he can use to soften his skin up a bit, but seriously, I can't feel anything after a while because he rubbed my parts off... Also, he spreads my butt cheeks so far that it's almost like it's a Hulk Hogan tank top! OWWW!!! WHY?! He's also part of the "no foreplay" club. He's good in some areas too, so it's not a chore, per se, but there are some things that no matter how much I complain and plead, he just doesn't change. *sigh*

momofonly1
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:21 PM
Smacking my clit after i squirt. So sensitive all over in that area!
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mommy_jessika
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:22 PM
This


Quoting simpleesr23:

Does not know how to work his fingers done there.


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JoaquinsMommie
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:41 PM

 He Loves Biting On My Ear But I Hate IT, Its Uncomfortable

masons_mommy12
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 7:13 PM

I only have one complaint...... He spends way way to much time on foreplay... I know a lot of women really enjoy the foreplay but i'm talking the better part of 45+ minutes, don't get me wrong i enjoy it to but we have a 5 month old and he doesn't seem to realize I am tired at night ...

Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Nov. 28, 2012 at 7:16 PM
That's sweet. It's intimate.


Quoting AmandaN1:

OMG /dead "Finally, my friend said she drew him a map. An actual map. Because guys like maps"

For some reason hubby kisses my cheek and forehead. It's kinda annoying because to me it feels like something your gma would do, so it's not a turn on. AT ALL. I just have to turn and wiggle so he stops. But he hasn't gotten the hint yet? LOL  Oh well, the rest is amazing anyhow.


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