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What things does a guy do in bed that you wish he wouldn't?

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11 Signs He Desperately Needs Sex Lessons

Posted by Kiri Blakeley on November 26, 2012

One of the funniest -- and saddest -- break-up stories I ever heard was the friend who broke up with her boyfriend because he couldn't find her clitoris. I mean, it was there. But no matter how much my friend "guided" him to its whereabouts, he'd just as quickly "forget" where it was. Finally, my friend said she drew him a map. An actual map. Because guys like maps. But alas, this guy was not only bad at finding the clitoris, he was bad at reading maps. My friend ended up dumping him. She felt a little guilty, but she honestly couldn't wrap her head around a guy who claimed to care about her pleasure in bed, but couldn't seem to figure out the female anatomy -- and perhaps had no real desire to.

I'm not saying everyone is should be perfect in the sack -- especially when a partner just getting to know what your likes. But then there's just being selfish, or stubbornly clueless, or just plain bad. Here are 11 signs he needs to redo Sex 101.

It's all about him. Sex is over in three minutes, he's satisfied, and then he looks at you like, "That was amazing!" while you're all, "Hello? What just happened? I'm still here!"

Ooooh vs. Owwww. He doesn't know the difference between an Oooohhh that means Keep Going and an Oooohhh that means Stop, that hurts!

He thinks your nipples are dials. And he must twist them. Perhaps he thinks he's tuning you to the right channel.

He thinks your nipples don't exist and ignores them completely.

He thinks that old high school term about "eating out" a girl is a literal term and proceeds to go at you like he's gnawing on a stick of gum.

He seems to have missed his calling as a sports announcer and has to give the play-by-play of everything he does. And now I'm kissing your neck! And now I'm sucking your toes! This is even more annoying if he actually IS a sports announcer.

He won't shut up and keeps asking you questions and grilling you through the entire thing. Do you like this, huh, huh, do ya? Well, do ya?!

He immediately flops over and goes to sleep the second he's done, without so much as a half-hearted snuggle or a peck on the cheek or even a pat on the head.

Foreplay is non-existent. He thinks the term has something to do with golf.

You need to see a chiropracter after sex because he bang bang bangs on you like a human hammer, leaving your neck and back in knots.

He has zero interest in asking what pleases you, and if you decide to tell him, he has zero interest in complying.

What other things does a guy do in bed that you wish he wouldn't?

by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 12:36 PM
Replies (41-50):
by Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 7:18 PM

definitely this, when you have young ones longer is definitely not better

Quoting MommyofSoso:

My only complaint right now is he seems to take forever when I'm exhausted. I'm all for the loving but damn dude its past my bedtime, make it quick, I have a 2 yr old and 2 month old, sleep is a precious thing.

by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 7:34 PM

"He thinks your nipples are dials and he must TWIST them. . ."

rolling on floor

by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 7:50 PM

I love my fiance but the way one thing that he seems to love doing that I hate is completely eliminating foreplay some women love rough sex and can handle it. I am not one of those women and he is getting slowly better about it. other than what was mentioned i have no complaints. His size is perfect for me and he gets me off with no problems.

by Anonymous 15 on Nov. 28, 2012 at 8:05 PM

I hate how when it come to playing with the clit, he feels he has to rub it hard and fast. Ugh..start off slow and soft but a little firm...let me get worked up, then you can go hard at it. I hate that, it doesn't get me in the mood when he starts out like that, it just annoys me. And I want him to be more aggressive ( he's aggressive but I like it a little bit more aggressive than he does) and god I love this man, but when he trys to be aggressive and talks really dirty, it just seems so fake and planned. And it doesn't do anything for me, I go along with it, because I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I can't stand it. And I can't stand when he kisses or nibbles my ears, I've never been able to stand that, I can't stand to hear him breathe in my ear like a damn dog or something. But other than those things, I have no other complaints about him, he's so good in bed, and he's all about me, and what I want, and I'm very thankful for that!

by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 8:11 PM

My SO is AWESOME in bed. He used to go dow EVERY TIME...and then....we had a baby. its like he lost all of his god like knowledge on how to send me up the wall. <sigh> it really stinks

by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 8:15 PM

Thankfully my SO is ahhhhmaazzzing in bed... as he seems to be in eberything he does. LOL I have no complaints, and can only brag.

On the other hand, the few guys I was with before hand, well... articles like this were written about them.

by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 8:28 PM
My SO used to be so-so at oral, so sometimes I would be just bearing it for awhile, until I could say 'come fuck me' (he loves that stuff) without letting on that I wasn't into it.
I finally just told him that he lacked finesse. Luckily he was willing to fix it and didn't get all ass-y about it. So I told him exactly what to do. I held his face. I pulled his hair. I said the words out loud, just what I wanted. Softer, faster, not so close to me..push back, slower, harder, make your tongue flat and move your head, like a kiss...all this shit I would never say before because it made me feel weird.
It was so worth mustering up the balls to tell him. Now, its whoa.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 8:30 PM
Omg i so hate that too so badly.! Its a turn of for me

Quoting vrbtnseele:

Push underwear to the side. Why is it so hard to take it off!? Sex=naked!

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 9:29 PM


by Bronze Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 9:54 PM
Quoting Anonymous:

That's sweet. It's intimate.

Quoting AmandaN1:

OMG /dead "Finally, my friend said she drew him a map. An actual map. Because guys like maps"

For some reason hubby kisses my cheek and forehead. It's kinda annoying because to me it feels like something your gma would do, so it's not a turn on. AT ALL. I just have to turn and wiggle so he stops. But he hasn't gotten the hint yet? LOL  Oh well, the rest is amazing anyhow.

Its very sweet. Im just not into it during sex.

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