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I hate initiating because...

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Well, I do initiate sometimes. But my turn on is when he is being forceful, even a little bit. Him wanting me is what gets me hot. So when he doesn't make any moves, I will go weeks without sex. I know he'd also like me to initiate, but it honestly feels like he's just lazy. 

So I'm at a catch 22- either I don't initiate and I don't have sex, or I do, and it's just okay. The last time we had sex, he seriously acted like he was over it in the middle of all of it. Like, we were going at it for 20 minutes or so, and then I hopped back on, and he's like "again?" in a very irritating tone. It was such a turn off. But I wanted to finish, so I kept going. But it wasn't good at all. It was very blah. And I'd rather just get off myself when he's gone than have blah sex. It really sucks. I have dreams about good sex. lol

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 4, 2012 at 8:44 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Dec. 5, 2012 at 3:17 PM

How did you find a sex therapist to go see?  Did your insurance cover it?

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm not allowed to initiate - it freaks him out. Unfortunately he only wants it once a week at most so I have to wait for him. It does not matter what I do - I just have to be patient. It's incredibly frustrating and we've even been to a sex therapist. Sigh.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Dec. 5, 2012 at 4:35 PM
We live near a decently large city and just looked online. Our insurance didnt cover it but she was out if network - they would have otherwise (I think). We couldn't go for very long because of cost but it helped :)

Quoting Anonymous:

How did you find a sex therapist to go see?  Did your insurance cover it?


Quoting Anonymous:

I'm not allowed to initiate - it freaks him out. Unfortunately he only wants it once a week at most so I have to wait for him. It does not matter what I do - I just have to be patient. It's incredibly frustrating and we've even been to a sex therapist. Sigh.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Dec. 5, 2012 at 4:52 PM

Same here, and the man I have rather if I start it. Lol ugh men! Well we are both learning to start sex and it acutualy has turned into "no it's my turn to be dominant"  " no its my turn lol"

Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on Dec. 5, 2012 at 4:59 PM

read 50 shades of grey lol 

manda91
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 5:40 PM

 everytime i try to initiate he never catches on so i just dont do it anymore then he says i never do and i tell him why

FooLynRoo
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 5:43 PM

Maybe HE likes it when you're being forceful, there are two people in your relationship - both needs need to be met.

Next time initiate, and bite his lip.. get playful, get his hormones roaring.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Dec. 6, 2012 at 2:32 AM
Thiss. I have even explained to him 'When I am cuddling you and kissing on you, especially when not on the lips, 9 times out of 10, I want sex. Actually 10 times out of 10.' ...he still doesnt get it.

Quoting manda91:

 everytime i try to initiate he never catches on so i just dont do it anymore then he says i never do and i tell him why

melschlegs
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 2:35 AM

How often do you guys talk to each other about what you like?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 6, 2012 at 5:13 PM

It's not an every day discussion, but it comes up pretty frequently. I tell him that I really want him to come on to me and that I feel like I'm ugly or something. He says that he "won't turn me down" if I come on to him. Which is crap, I know that, but that's not the issue. And then he explains that he's really tired at night and maybe I should try earlier. "I" being the key word. It's really frustrating.

Quoting melschlegs:

How often do you guys talk to each other about what you like?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 6, 2012 at 5:16 PM

He doesn't necessarily like me being forcefull, but he does like it when I come on to him. But I hontestly think it's just because he's lazy, not because it's any hotter for him. He says it doesn't really do anything for him to tie me up and stuff because he doesn't get hot if it seems like I'm uncomfortable and hurting me does nothing for him. But he will totally do it if I ask him to. I bought under the bed ties and everything and he's used them. He even made sure to install them when he set up our bed in our new place. lol

He's just so indifferent about sex and it really sucks. I feel like I'm an old couple or something and we're only in our early thirties/late twenties.

Quoting FooLynRoo:

Maybe HE likes it when you're being forceful, there are two people in your relationship - both needs need to be met.

Next time initiate, and bite his lip.. get playful, get his hormones roaring.




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