In love with a man i cant have...

[Anonymous]

Two years back my bf and I broke up and I was college and met this other guy. We hit it off right way and were practically dating but he was moving outta state for a job in his hometown. This was 3 weeks after I met him. I know it seems too soon but we were both in love and i was planning to move in with him. About a week after he moved I found out I was pregnant, with my exs baby... I was 5 weeks pregnant, according to my doc. When I found out I was so confused and didn't know how either one would take the news. I told my ex and he didn't want to get back together but would be there for the baby and I agreed with him. When I told the man I was in love with, I could tell he was heart broken, didn't say much, seemed sad but still wanted to keep our plans of me moving in with him. He said we'd make it work. Things were going great until about 2 weeks b4 I was going to start moving in. He seemed scared about the baby coming, almost like it was his baby I was pregnant with. His friends invited him to a party, I didn't like it because he was a lightweight and I don't like how drunk he would get. That night I tried getting ahold of him, nothing. Thinking he may have passed out. But the next morning he called me crying, saying he did something bad, doesn't remember anything and is coming the next day to fly down and see me. When he was with me, I could tell he was upset and hadn't slept at all. He told me, he went to the party got so drunk he didn't remember anything and woke up naked next to a girl. He said he wasn't wearing a condom and the girl said they had sex and left. The same morning he woke up the girls father came to his house saying he got his daughter pregnant. I told him I was upset and still loved him but if she was pregnant then it wasn't his, its too soon to tell. He said he loved me and didn't want to loose me but as the weeks and then months went by he slowly started to drift away. The girl said that if he didn't stop talking to me then she would take the baby away from him. Soon after we didn't talk for like 5 months. I was heart broken, still am. After my son was born I decided to get with my sons father. I cared about him but wasn't in love. I did it mainly for my son. My son was 4 months old and I got a call from the man I still loved. He asked how things were going, said he missed me, which messed with my head more because he had the girl living with him now but they weren't dating but we're doing it for their daughter. He apologized over and over, asking if we could at least be friends since we both had a child with someone else. We talked every now and again for a couple weeks. Then we found ourselves calling each other everyday, a couple times a day. We we're getting our feelings back like b4 and didn't know what to do. He told me his family and her family were pressing him to get married for his daughter but he didn't want to. We decided to take a break for a couple weeks, give us time to think. He went to Jamaica and I was taking more classes to keep me busy. After the second week he called me, didn't sound happy, I asked him what was wrong. He asked if he could come fly down and see me. I didn't know how my sons ad would deal with it but I said yes. That weekend he was with me, my feelings came back right when I saw him. He was staying for the weekend, and when we had time to sit down and talk he told me he got hitched :( I thought I was hearing things, didn't know what to say or do. He told me he couldn't take the stress anymore for everyone and did it for his daughter. The girl was going to move and take her away because she knew him and I were talking and didn't want to loose me again so he got married. He said he's not even close to in love with her, he still loved me. That night I stayed with him, didn't have sex but cuddled and kissed so passionately, I didn't want it to end. Two months after we stayed in touch, talking at least 5 days a week. Right b4 Thanksgiving his wife had threatened him with divorce and take Macy away if he didn't stop talking to me. He called crying again lost and confused. You may think he's a wimp but no he has a good heart but was so lost. We had a choice to make, either keep talking and his lose his daughter and get a divorce or we stop talking, break our hearts but he keeps his daughter. I told him I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I was the reason he lost his daughter. He flew down one last time to say goodbye, ill never forget him or that day. Its been almost 2 months and I can't stop thinking about him. He was my best friend again, I had fallen in love with him again and I don't know how to get over him. Im still with my bf but not in love, we are together for my son. I need advice to how to get over the man I still love

[MomRocs1102]

Sounds like the child is being used as a excuse.  He wanted to be with her, have her live with him and marry her.  Otherwise he wouldn't have done it.  He wants both, life with her and you.  He is married but making excuses so he can keep you close I don't blame her for threatening to leave if he talks to you he is disrespecting his vows he made to her.  Cheating men tend to trash their wife to the other woman so she feels special.  I don't  feel sorry at all hes married now its done, move on to someone that wants you completely not someone who is married and wants to sneak and talk to you.  This is just my opinion.

[AnHpuresugar]

What a total fuck up.  First of all, you both sound really young.  You don't have to live with the father or mother of your child to maintain a relationship with your own child.  He is a wimp.  All he needed to do was file for his parental rights.   She can not stop him from seeing his daughter.  You both decided to live and have relationships with other people because of the kids.  Do you really believe that a lie and sham relationship like that is in the best interest of the children?

 Grow up.  Decide what you want to do.  Cut off ties to him.  He is immature and unable to deal with reality.  Get an education and provide financially for your own kids.  If you both grow up and he is NOT MARRIED then maybe in the future you will be able to be in a relationship.

Believe it or not but life is about perception.  He is not the only man in the world for you.  You both have a lot of growing up to do.  

DON"T MESS WITH HIM WHILE HE IS MARRIED.  It doesn't matter why he chose to get married, it was still his choice. 

[lmscm]

So he had sex with her and then the next day she was pregnant? That makes NO sense. How come he didn't get a paternity test?? What if the baby isn't his?? Maybe it's not. I don't know this is a bad situation.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

We were only talking as friends, we never had sex while he was married. Ya we still had feelings when he was down and wanted to but never did. And calling each other as friends, nothing more. Yes I wish there could be more and understand we cant but idk how to move on.

Quoting MomRocs1102:

Sounds like the child is being used as a excuse.  He wanted to be with her, have her live with him and marry her.  Otherwise he wouldn't have done it.  He wants both, life with her and you.  He is married but making excuses so he can keep you close I don't blame her for threatening to leave if he talks to you he is disrespecting his vows he made to her.  Cheating men tend to trash their wife to the other woman so she feels special.  I don't  feel sorry at all hes married now its done, move on to someone that wants you completely not someone who is married and wants to sneak and talk to you.  This is just my opinion.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Yes we are young, im 21 he's 23. I have cut off connection to him but I still have feelings for him. Im trying to find a way to let go but it is hard. She was going to move to Tennessee and he lives in Michigan, if he didn't stop talking to me. Yes feelings were there but we didn't have sex when he was down to see me, all I wanted was to be close friends. I am still going to college, this will be my 3rd year.

Quoting AnHpuresugar:

What a total fuck up.  First of all, you both sound really young.  You don't have to live with the father or mother of your child to maintain a relationship with your own child.  He is a wimp.  All he needed to do was file for his parental rights.   She can not stop him from seeing his daughter.  You both decided to live and have relationships with other people because of the kids.  Do you really believe that a lie and sham relationship like that is in the best interest of the children?

 Grow up.  Decide what you want to do.  Cut off ties to him.  He is immature and unable to deal with reality.  Get an education and provide financially for your own kids.  If you both grow up and he is NOT MARRIED then maybe in the future you will be able to be in a relationship.

Believe it or not but life is about perception.  He is not the only man in the world for you.  You both have a lot of growing up to do.  

DON"T MESS WITH HIM WHILE HE IS MARRIED.  It doesn't matter why he chose to get married, it was still his choice. 

[ashmac03]

There is no reason he would loose his daughter if he and his wife got a divorce.  He would just file for joint custody.  It seems like he's using it as an excuse to have both of you in his life.  

[Wydowness]

Sounds like he wants the best of both worlds to me. No reason why he can't divorce and file custody

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

I tried telling him. He said she said that the due date was a perfect date to when they had sex. He was young, still is, I think he was more worried about everything else going on that he didn't doubt it was his. I always told him I think he was set up because in the past she had tried to get with him but she wasn't his type (a rich spoiled snob) and that this was a way to have him. Like a week or so after they had sex she txt me saying he's hers now and nothing I can do about it. Bragging that she finally got him.

Quoting lmscm:

So he had sex with her and then the next day she was pregnant? That makes NO sense. How come he didn't get a paternity test?? What if the baby isn't his?? Maybe it's not. I don't know this is a bad situation.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

She said she would move to Tennessee and he lives in Michigan. All I wanted was to stay friends, even though I still love him and wish it could have been more I have accepted his marriage.

Quoting ashmac03:

There is no reason he would loose his daughter if he and his wife got a divorce.  He would just file for joint custody.  It seems like he's using it as an excuse to have both of you in his life.  

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

She said shed move to Tennessee, he lives in Michigan. We just wanted to stay friends.

Quoting Wydowness:

Sounds like he wants the best of both worlds to me. No reason why he can't divorce and file custody