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I need some ideas to gently broach this subject

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 23 Replies

Most of my past partners were in the 7-8 range, with 2 in the 5-6 range. My current partner....is...well...about 4. *sigh* I try giving him ideas on how things could be better for me, but nothing really seems to work. We do the exactly same positions, in almost the exact same order, almost every time. We've only been having sex for about 2 months, and I am already getting bored. He knows he is not the biggest guy in the world (he does not however, know how he stacks up against the others) and he does say he worries about his performance and if I am satisfied. Well..no..not really. It will do for the time being, but when we have to go at it 3-4 times, just for me to be partly happy...I just don't know. He can give me an orgasm..but it's not spectacular. It's just...meh. 

It is making me miss my ex....who was absolutely amazing in bed. He could do things to me I didn't know were possible. How do I go from 7 years of the best sex of my life...to the worst..and learn to be okay with it??

Everything else is fine with us...but this sex thing may be our un-doing. 

I don't even feel a firey passion with him, like I did with my most recent ex, which was actually our un-doing. That passion was there in good times and bad, and only magnified both. 

And no, he is not okay with me having a BOB. I got him on the subject of sex toys, and when BOB was mentioned, he said no. And we still have no sex toys. And he still hasn't done anything I have suggested in terms to make things better for me. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
EthansMomma2010
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:28 PM

 you be honest. i have a friend who tried to hide this exact problem and now a year into the relationship they are living together and she is so unsatisfied that she doesn't want him anymore. and i happen to know he loves her so much he has a ring hiding in the house for her but is too scared to propose because she's so unhappy.

kameka
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:33 PM
I will never understand why people have a fear of their partner masturbating - as long as they're not using it as a replacement for sex.
Anyway - you need to be honest. Sex is an incredibly important part of a healthy relationship and keeping this tamped down will only lead to resentment.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:34 PM

It's not so much trying to hide it...as I have said "Let's try this" "Let's do that" "Let's get some toys" "I really like when we do ____, let's add this to it" He says okay....yet nothing changes. 

Quoting EthansMomma2010:

 you be honest. i have a friend who tried to hide this exact problem and now a year into the relationship they are living together and she is so unsatisfied that she doesn't want him anymore. and i happen to know he loves her so much he has a ring hiding in the house for her but is too scared to propose because she's so unhappy.


EthansMomma2010
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:37 PM

 there's a big difference between "let's try this" and 'let's try this because what you do doens't satisfy me"

Quoting Anonymous:

It's not so much trying to hide it...as I have said "Let's try this" "Let's do that" "Let's get some toys" "I really like when we do ____, let's add this to it" He says okay....yet nothing changes. 

Quoting EthansMomma2010:

 you be honest. i have a friend who tried to hide this exact problem and now a year into the relationship they are living together and she is so unsatisfied that she doesn't want him anymore. and i happen to know he loves her so much he has a ring hiding in the house for her but is too scared to propose because she's so unhappy.


 

thecoffeefairy
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:38 PM
Be honest. Sex is a big deal in a relationship. It relieves stress, makes you happy and helps you bond as a couple. Tell him you love him but need certain things in your sexual relationship. If he's not willing to fulfill those needs, you will then have to decide if that's a deal breaker or not.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:43 PM

Take it from someone who has been there.  Move on.  If the sex is bed now it won't get any better later.  You will end up resenting him.  I know that sex is not the most important quality in a relationship but it absolutely becomes even more important when you are unhappy.

Megzboys
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:49 PM

   What does BOB mean?   I have never heard of this.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:50 PM

Battery Operated Boyfriend....aka vibrator

Quoting Megzboys:

   What does BOB mean?   I have never heard of this.  


momofcrazypants
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:53 PM

What worries me about this is that he doesn't seem to be receptive to you wanting to use toys or trying something different. If you're unsatisified now and it doesn't seem like it's improving....what's the outcome going to be later?

DakotaHaley
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:54 PM

I don't know, but I do know a relationship isn't all based on sex, but it helps. If you don't feel passion and it's boring and he doesn't want to try to change things up or something you might need to look into and see if this is something you can deal with for the rest of your life or not.

  We switch things up. Not all the time but sometimes. And if I have an idea or he does we will do it as long as we both want to. I do have a BOB, but he has only played with me with that once so I don't think he likes using it very much. Which is fine by me it doesn't matter to me.

  


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