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Hi. I'm Linda.  I'll introduce myself more in the intro forum but I'm just really stressed out.  I'm overweight to begin with.  It's terrible.  During the summer, I have to put toiletpaper under my breasts in my bra just to stand a chance with the heat.  My husband, Mike, has to remind me to throw the toiletpaper out of my bra before I get into bed or he'll be grossed out to the point of not wanting to have sex with me.  He already doesn't want to and that makes it worse.

Well, we got pregnant.  It's been so bittersweet.  I'm glowing that I have this child in me, our child, but now he sleeps on the couch.  He says I'm flatulant when I sleep and this has never happened before.  Further, I will start to show soon and this is going to make me even bigger and he really won't want to have sex with me. I don't know what to do to make myself sexier for him.

If anyone has suggestions (other than losing weight), I could really use them. Thanks!

by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 2:03 AM
Replies (61-68):
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:57 AM

Okay, my first tip would be to ignore anyone on this board who's being rude.  Start doing things that make you feel good - go for a walk everyday, even if it's only 10 minutes or so.  If you live in a cold climate go to an indoor mall and walk a few laps.  Get out and get some sunshine.  (Yes, even if it's cold.  You need the vitamin D.)  Once you start feeling good about yourself it's like an avalanche.  One good step leads to another, and another, and another.  I've been chubby my whole life and losing weight is pretty much the hardest thing in the world.  But one thing that helped me a lot was having my son.  I realized right away I didn't want the same life for him.  I feed him healthy foods and stay active for him.  

This is a personal choice but I REALLY suggest you try breastfeeding after your baby comes.  It doesn't work for everyone but a lot of women lose weight while nursing.  I'm now about 20 lbs less than I was when I got pregnant.  The tricky part, however, is to eat a healthy diet while your nursing.  I have this, "OH!  I'm losing weight so I can eat whatever I want!" mentality, and I'm worried as soon as I'm done the weight will just come right back.  So I have to work on that.  

Also remember your husband is not responsible for keeping or making you happy.  If you love yourself and how you feel he'll sense that and be more attracted to you.  It sounds like you're depressed (not because of this but I'm guessing you have been for awhile.) and he probably doesn't find that attractive.  Get moving and build yourself up and I bet he'll see the change in your personality.  Good luck!  And congrats on the pregnancy :)  It really is the most amazing thing I've ever experienced.  Try to enjoy it! 

by Anonymous 9 on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:00 AM

Wait...why did you call P90X crap? I used it to lose a ton of weight and tone up majorly. Just curious as to why you called it crap...

Quoting MommyUndearest:

@Anonymous: I'm a Catholic woman and I don't believe in divorcing to "Get a better husband."  I'm a believer in faith and working it out and fighting for my man.

@PartyGalAnne: I was thinking about doing some exercises.  Maybe what you suggested and not PX90 crap.

@Motherfunker: I don't think it's my diet.  I use enemas now so that I'm purged before I go to sleep.  It seems to help.

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:10 AM
1 mom liked this

Losing weight is hard even after the baby! Maybe if u try to just be more confident in yourself men seem to like that. And you can buy the spray for under your brests rather then paper. A lot of men don't understand what women go through to lose weight normally and no matter what people say your going to gain more weight and have cravings while pregnant. It's ok to give in once and a while but just try your hardest to eat healthy. Everything will work out stay positive and don't let people bring you down hunny! Stay strong :)

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:34 AM

Hon, you can maintain a healthy weight while pregnant.  If you are already overweight your needs for gaining are not the same as a woman who is underweight or of average weight.  You hear the women screaming that their Dr's have limited their gain and prescribed exercise?  Find one of those doctors/midwives.  Someone who will keep you accountable and even help you with a meal plan.

In the first few months of pregnancy you only need an addtional 500 calories a day.  That's a baked potato and a glass of milk.  It's not the extra meal that people want to treat it like.

You're just not going to be able to go buck nuts like most women do when they're pregnant. So many women go hog wild and destroy their bodies thinking that their bodies could not properly gestate without clearing a buffet of fried food daily.

NO ONE, pregnant or other needs ice cream at 2am.  These are the stereotypes that teach us to destroy our bodies.

If you find yourself craving something during pregnancy, get to the heart of the craving(if you think you're craving cookies, what about them do you want?  The chocolate?  then just have a few chocolate chips), keep empty calories and especially carb binges on a TIGHT rein.  If it is flour based and salted and sits in a box in your cabinets, throw it away.  Emotional/ impulse/ boredom eating has to be kept on a tight rein.

If you wouldn't make yourself a cheeseburger and french fries when you have a fast food craving, you're really not hungry.  If the process is more important than the result, walk away, have a glass of water, read a chapter in a book, take a nap, clean something, watch a half hour of a show - anything to start creating new ways to divert yourself when you would have otherwise had a little something.

Eating also tends to be a feel better thing.  We go oh, if I eat something when I'm feeling slightly off, I'll feel better.  Flat out, YOU WONT.  It's pregnancy, not a hangover.  Comfort eating leads to more discomfort leads to more eating.

I went raw foods with my last child, I was about 20lb overweight, gained about 12 for the entire pregnancy, had an 8lb baby and within a month was already below my pre-pregnancy weight. Instead of eating a quesadilla, I would have a black bean salad with salsa on it. 

With my first two kids, I gained about 35 each, but I was about ten years younger and 30 pounds thinner at the time.  I had no need to 'redistribute weight to my thighs to increase fat stores for a growing baby"  I already had saddle bags enough to grow a small pony.

You will gain.  You just have to gain smart.  Use this as a time to get healthy.  If you already have issues with weight and especially your breasts, now is the time.  You can't afford to hesitate.  Your back will thank you when you're up and down on the floor, bending over a crib or changing table, lifting the baby... 

Screw sexy time.  Just for your own personal health you need to keep things in check. 

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:39 AM
I bet your a beautiful woman. Get u a man that deserves you. If you want to lose weight great but don't do it for him.
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by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:40 AM

Adding - I'm a personal trainer, so if you want some info or have questions as to what exercises are safe during pregnancy, or if an exercise is safe hit me up.

MOST exercises are safe during pregnancy.  The only hard and fast don'ts according to the American College of Sports Medicine would involve laying on your back for extended periods of time or even short periods as your pregnancy progresses, and overheating yourself/ over exherting to exhaustion.

Beyond that, have fun.  Working out is like a playground for adults.  It's a game you always win because you always benefit!

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:49 AM
I have three words of advice for the sweaty boob/ friction problem...... ANTI MONKEY BUTT!! It works wonders for me :-)
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by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:08 PM

I forgot to add while I was pregnant I used that babyfit dot com website.  It's like weight watchers but free.  And you can put in your weight and your goals and it will help with meal planning, calorie counting, etc.  I didn't log in every single day but after a few days you start to get an idea of how much you NEED versus how much you're actually taking in and you start to make better choices.  Then when I would feel myself falling off the wagon I would get back on and get back on track.  It's a good tool for getting a picture of where things are going wrong.  

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