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Hi. I'm Linda.  I'll introduce myself more in the intro forum but I'm just really stressed out.  I'm overweight to begin with.  It's terrible.  During the summer, I have to put toiletpaper under my breasts in my bra just to stand a chance with the heat.  My husband, Mike, has to remind me to throw the toiletpaper out of my bra before I get into bed or he'll be grossed out to the point of not wanting to have sex with me.  He already doesn't want to and that makes it worse.

Well, we got pregnant.  It's been so bittersweet.  I'm glowing that I have this child in me, our child, but now he sleeps on the couch.  He says I'm flatulant when I sleep and this has never happened before.  Further, I will start to show soon and this is going to make me even bigger and he really won't want to have sex with me. I don't know what to do to make myself sexier for him.

If anyone has suggestions (other than losing weight), I could really use them. Thanks!

by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 2:03 AM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 15, 2013 at 4:08 AM
Are you able to answer my questions?
IndianaWynette
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 4:28 AM

 You need a dh like I got if he see's a woman under 180 he says she needs to eat a pork chop cause she's too skinny.

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Jan. 15, 2013 at 7:34 PM

 Sounds like you need a better husband. I wish I had advice...

momma4xover
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:24 AM
9 moms liked this

I think people make a lot of assumptions about heavy (or obese) women. I myself am considered "obese" by national standards, but no one I know thinks I look that way because I also carry a lot of muscle. I know I don't look too bad... I wear a size 14 and am 4 months pregnant with my 3rd baby in 3 years and my 5th overall. I was a size 7-8 from the time I was 15 till my 3rd pregnancy at 25, during which I gained recommended amount of weight, but never lost before second and third pregnancy. I am just saying people should treat others with more respect in general, dont assume anything.

To MommyUndearest,

 Your husband has his own issues to deal with obviously. Just as you have your own, if people can't see that being overweight bothers you, then they are blind. The screen name you chose tells a lot, as does your self depreciating comments about how you forget the tp in the bra. You feel ugly and you send that emotion to your husband and everyone else out there. I would suggest counseling for yourself, and also marriage counseling. You both need to sit down and talk about your relationship, where it came from and where its going.

Pregnancy is not the right time to lose weight, but you don't have to gain to a lot... its very easy to use the excuse that your are eating for 2 and I (and most every pregnant woman) have used it to grab an extra goodie here and there. And that's ok! What people are recommending here is that you choose to watch portions, calories and food value of your meals and snacks. For example, you can eat a package of ramen soup for lunch and  spend 380 calories or you could eat a huge salad with eggs and tons of veggies for half that- and still be gaining vitamins and minerals that you and baby require. Its not easy, but its doable and for yourself and that sweet baby you are growing, its worth it. Do some sort of physical activity every hour, take a few minutes and walk or get on the eliptical (thats what I do and it BURNS!) take a walk everyday. You will feel better and the baby will enjoy it too. The swaying motion of walking also helps the belly stretch easily and can help prepare your body for labor. Try some yoga or meditation, this can help you find your center and be more in tune with your body and the baby.

Now, as for flatulance, yes... that is a normal pregnancy symptom. It sucks. But, it can be helped by eating yogurt and keeping your digestive system in balance. Try a probiotic from the health food dept at your local grocery store. The worst that can happen is it doesn't work, you have nothing to lose.

I saw someone recommend deodorant for the boobie thing and thigh rub... I would be cautious with that as I tried deodorant in my skirt for static and ended up in the hospital with a massive allergic reation on my legs! Why, they dont know, because I use it under my arms and no issues! lol BUT- in the womens dept at the grocery stores and Wal-mart and Target, by the vaginal cleaners there is a few brands of "anti-rubbing" lotion, its pretty cheap and it helps with chafing and rub, and it smells nice! You could try that, you don't have anything to lose and self confidence to gain.

Remember that your husband may have something else going on in his life and this is a transition for him also, if he isn't there to support you with any of these things you try, then find another support system. Your mother, or a friend, or if you don't have anyone, friend me! You are only as ugly as you allow yourself to be, and allow others to convince you of. Don't buy into it, use your power as a strong woman to bring yourself out of pity and despair to become stronger for yourself and your child. Good luck and I hope this helps!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 16, 2013 at 4:32 PM
Quoting MommyUndearest:

No. I use the generic CVS brand ones.  They come in a pack of 6 and are frequently on sale.





Is it safe to use enemas while pregnant? I won't say get a new husband because this is very different with you being pregnant. Is this your first child? Being pregnant makes some men weirded out and honestly I can't blame them. Once when Dh and I were pregnant with #1 and I was on top the baby kicked so hard he felt it on his stomach....ruined the mood completely. As for any other time, I won't say you need to fix yourself up with him but if you're that upset about the lack of sex maybe you should consider a lifestyle change, it'll probably benefit both of you. I'm incredibly hard on myself weight wise and Dh is not a muscular ripped guy, he's actually kinda heavy but ibwouldnt ever tell him to lose weight. Normally though when I start working harder on myself he joins in!
Kennadismom
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 4:36 PM
Quoting momma4xover:

I think people make a lot of assumptions about heavy (or obese) women. I myself am considered "obese" by national standards, but no one I know thinks I look that way because I also carry a lot of muscle. I know I don't look too bad... I wear a size 14 and am 4 months pregnant with my 3rd baby in 3 years and my 5th overall. I was a size 7-8 from the time I was 15 till my 3rd pregnancy at 25, during which I gained recommended amount of weight, but never lost before second and third pregnancy. I am just saying people should treat others with more respect in general, dont assume anything.

To MommyUndearest,

 Your husband has his own issues to deal with obviously. Just as you have your own, if people can't see that being overweight bothers you, then they are blind. The screen name you chose tells a lot, as does your self depreciating comments about how you forget the tp in the bra. You feel ugly and you send that emotion to your husband and everyone else out there. I would suggest counseling for yourself, and also marriage counseling. You both need to sit down and talk about your relationship, where it came from and where its going.

Pregnancy is not the right time to lose weight, but you don't have to gain to a lot... its very easy to use the excuse that your are eating for 2 and I (and most every pregnant woman) have used it to grab an extra goodie here and there. And that's ok! What people are recommending here is that you choose to watch portions, calories and food value of your meals and snacks. For example, you can eat a package of ramen soup for lunch and  spend 380 calories or you could eat a huge salad with eggs and tons of veggies for half that- and still be gaining vitamins and minerals that you and baby require. Its not easy, but its doable and for yourself and that sweet baby you are growing, its worth it. Do some sort of physical activity every hour, take a few minutes and walk or get on the eliptical (thats what I do and it BURNS!) take a walk everyday. You will feel better and the baby will enjoy it too. The swaying motion of walking also helps the belly stretch easily and can help prepare your body for labor. Try some yoga or meditation, this can help you find your center and be more in tune with your body and the baby.

Now, as for flatulance, yes... that is a normal pregnancy symptom. It sucks. But, it can be helped by eating yogurt and keeping your digestive system in balance. Try a probiotic from the health food dept at your local grocery store. The worst that can happen is it doesn't work, you have nothing to lose.

I saw someone recommend deodorant for the boobie thing and thigh rub... I would be cautious with that as I tried deodorant in my skirt for static and ended up in the hospital with a massive allergic reation on my legs! Why, they dont know, because I use it under my arms and no issues! lol BUT- in the womens dept at the grocery stores and Wal-mart and Target, by the vaginal cleaners there is a few brands of "anti-rubbing" lotion, its pretty cheap and it helps with chafing and rub, and it smells nice! You could try that, you don't have anything to lose and self confidence to gain.

Remember that your husband may have something else going on in his life and this is a transition for him also, if he isn't there to support you with any of these things you try, then find another support system. Your mother, or a friend, or if you don't have anyone, friend me! You are only as ugly as you allow yourself to be, and allow others to convince you of. Don't buy into it, use your power as a strong woman to bring yourself out of pity and despair to become stronger for yourself and your child. Good luck and I hope this helps!




Very well said :)
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 16, 2013 at 4:45 PM

I agree,  damn overweight or not she's pregnant so there has to be something there.  Just give him his distance and act like his attitude doesn't bother you.

Part of being pregnant is gas,  so if it bothers him let him sleep on the couch;  more bed for yourself to stretch out.

shaunaleigh418
by Bronze Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 4:50 PM
1 mom liked this
Your husband sounds like an ass. As someone who has been trying to gain weight all my life, this is offensive. And at 5'2" it would be extremely unhealthy to weigh in at 180lbs.

Quoting IndianaWynette:

 You need a dh like I got if he see's a woman under 180 he says she needs to eat a pork chop cause she's too skinny.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 16, 2013 at 5:16 PM
I'm 105, I'd need a heck of a lot of pork chops.


Quoting shaunaleigh418:

Your husband sounds like an ass. As someone who has been trying to gain weight all my life, this is offensive. And at 5'2" it would be extremely unhealthy to weigh in at 180lbs.



Quoting IndianaWynette:

 You need a dh like I got if he see's a woman under 180 he says she needs to eat a pork chop cause she's too skinny.


shaunaleigh418
by Bronze Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 5:21 PM
I must admit.. I loves me the pork chops! Hahaha!

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm 105, I'd need a heck of a lot of pork chops.




Quoting shaunaleigh418:

Your husband sounds like an ass. As someone who has been trying to gain weight all my life, this is offensive. And at 5'2" it would be extremely unhealthy to weigh in at 180lbs.





Quoting IndianaWynette:

 You need a dh like I got if he see's a woman under 180 he says she needs to eat a pork chop cause she's too skinny.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
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