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Hi. I'm Linda.  I'll introduce myself more in the intro forum but I'm just really stressed out.  I'm overweight to begin with.  It's terrible.  During the summer, I have to put toiletpaper under my breasts in my bra just to stand a chance with the heat.  My husband, Mike, has to remind me to throw the toiletpaper out of my bra before I get into bed or he'll be grossed out to the point of not wanting to have sex with me.  He already doesn't want to and that makes it worse.

Well, we got pregnant.  It's been so bittersweet.  I'm glowing that I have this child in me, our child, but now he sleeps on the couch.  He says I'm flatulant when I sleep and this has never happened before.  Further, I will start to show soon and this is going to make me even bigger and he really won't want to have sex with me. I don't know what to do to make myself sexier for him.

If anyone has suggestions (other than losing weight), I could really use them. Thanks!

by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 2:03 AM
Replies (51-60):
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 9:13 AM

 First off, welcome to CafeMom! Second, congrats on the pregnancy hun, I'm so excited for you!! Of course you don't necesssarily want to try to lose weght while you're pregnant but it actually happens sometimes on it's own (I lost 10lbs in my 1st trimester!). For pregnancy-safe exercise try going for a long walk, lifting light weights, doing a few trips up and down the stairs. After baby comes focus on your health and happiness too, don't forget that mom and baby BOTH need pampering. During naptime put baby in the stroller and go for a walk. Also, continue to eat as healthy as possible to feel your best. You are beautiful at any size and if hubby can't see that then he needs to work on himself. you rock

by Dawn on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:28 AM
Maybe talk to your dr. I found when i was pregnant i ate healthier and actually lost some of my extra weight. Do what makes you feel sexy and congrats on the baby.
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by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:26 PM

HEY ladies!!! Chill out and be nice! She came here looking for advice and support, and is getting very little of both! 

Linda, you are pregnant, so do what you have to do to take care of that baby and yourself. Eat healthy, go for walks, preggo yoga, whatever.

When you aren't pregnant anymore, maybe think about more proactive ways to get healthier? 

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:44 PM

Eat healthy and exercise. Take care of yourself and that baby first and foremost!  Talk to your husband openly and honestly and tell him how his actions hurt you. See if you can come to some understanding. If nothing changes, see if he's willing to try counseling. Best luck!

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:48 PM

On the topic of how to be sexier for him: Don't. Be sexier for YOU. You have to have self-confidence before you can exude sexiness. Dress in clothes that you think look nice on you, do your makeup and hair (or whatever makes you feel better about yourself; I get that not everyone wears makeup, etc.) What makes you feel good? Do that for yourself, and forget about what your husband would say or think about it. Once you start to feel confident again, you will start to feel sexy too, and when you feel sexy, your husband will probably notice as well.

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:30 PM

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you feel this way! Congrats on the baby! That's awesome news! Basically, everything that I would tell you has already been said at this point. But I'll try to give some input to you as well. First- Even if you are overweight, you have to feel sexy. Get some nice clothes, do your hair/nails, makeup, whatever. Whatever it takes. You have to start feeling good about yourself, there has to be something about you he likes- he DID marry you, so it can't be all that bad! Second, no P90X while preggo! Substitute that with some yoga, swimming, walks, etc. Besides, if you aren't used to working out at this point something that extreme could end up hurting you and the baby! Third, enemas every day aren't good for anyone! Try modifying your diet. Find the foods that cause the flatulence and avoid them. Adding a probiotic would be good too. I saw that suggested a few times and that's great! Fourth, have you guys thought about counselling? Not saying or implying that you need it or anything, but it may be good to have a third party intervene and help you process your feelings. Wishing you the best of luck. Don't give up and try to stay positive.

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:46 PM

Quoting Anonymous:

Why is everyone being so mean?

Because the women (not all of them but quite a few) are mean as hell. It's easy for them to sit behind their computers and talk meanly like high school bullies. Honestly, I can't understand it. Women ask for legitimate support and instaed get a load of rudeness from a good many replies..

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:08 AM

Uh your husband has to remind you to remove the sweat soaked tissue paper from under your breasts or he won't have sex with you?

    Have you tried showering BEFORE getting into bed? How does he react to you when you climb into bed all squeaky clean and smelling fresh?

     My husband was a hard working man. He didn't always smell fresh after work. That is normal and to be expected. However he alwasy showered before getting into my bed. It was easy to make him do it. Come to bed smelly and no nookie for you. Come to bed clean and I will suck anything you like as long as you like. Try being clean for him. It's not really too much for him to expect that he won't have to remind you to remove the sweat soaked paper from under your breasts. If you take care of yourself and he still doesn't want to make whoopie with you then you know there are other problems that need working on.

by Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:16 AM
I know, it seems to happen on a lot of posts in a lot of groups. Such a turn off to see the negativity. Cafe Mom is supposed to be a fun support group!

Quoting Anonymous:

Why is everyone being so mean?

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by Anonymous 8 on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:27 AM

OP have you ever tried using powder under your breasts? I have a similar problem when it is warm out and mine even gets bad enough to cause a yeast based rash at times. It does have an offensive odor if you don't take care of it. I have found that using gold bond powder under my breasts prevents this from happening. You can also use it where your thighs meet your hips. I put it on in the evening after I shower and again in the morning before I get dressed. If it's super hot out and I'm able to I will refresh the powder during the day. Since starting this I have less issues with the odor. I still sweat but the powder absorbs it and it makes it not as bad. It would be worth trying.

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