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I have found the man of my dreams and he thinks I'm the one also but wants to wait "awhile" before proposing. I'm not cool with that, I would rather not repeat my last relationship and play house for 5 years. Any suggestions for getting your man to propose?

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:00 PM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:41 AM
Intimacy and the ability to converse with one another are equally important in a relationship. I would never marry someone before I knew for sure that we were a perfect fit. My husband and I slept in the same bed and lived together before we got married and I can't imagine not having done so. When we got married we knew that we could live together in harmony.
A friend of mine saved herself for marriage and waited to move in with her hubby until after they were married and she calls me weekly with a new problem that they are facing because they are not accustomed to sharing a house and such physical intimacy.


Quoting Anonymous:

Damn me for playing house for 7 years. Im going to Hell.



Quoting Megzboys:

 You should not be living together before that anyways which would mean you would not be "playing house" before he proposed.    Take it slow and get to really know each other on an emotional level and conversational level because that matters more then whether you are physcially compatable.    Sure, sex is important in a marriege but too many people place far too much importance on sex then on being able to talk to each other.   It will be worth it in the long run. 


Mrs.Greco
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:47 AM
My sister and her fiancé have been living together with their kids for 5 years. They aren't married yet because at this point a wedding ceremony isn't a priority. For the past 3 years they have used their "wedding" money for a family trip to Disney Land instead. They are just as happy as they would be if they were married. Maybe this statistic is true more for cases where the couple doesn't feel the need to be married on paper.


Quoting shann77:

Ya I read something once about the longer you live together UN married the chance of getting married % wise goes down drastically. I think it would be fair to give him a time line if that's how you feel,if he leaves you because of that ummm he probably wasn't the ONE!

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MrsRinehart2010
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:47 AM

 um tell him just that

SareyF
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:56 AM
1 mom liked this
Why do you make this assumption about Americans? Really just curious. I see all types of relationships and families, and a lot more people not interested in or believing in the institution of marriage these days.

Quoting Qkala:

I don't get it. You guys are together already. Why get married at all? What would change? I think that is he isn't ready to propose then he isn't ready. You have 3 choices I can see:


1. Not worry about getting married. I assume you are American so that likely won't work for you.


2. You propose to him (I like this one best).


3. Make it perfectly clear that you expect him to pop the question in the near future (give him a definate time frame) and if he doesn't he loses you for good.

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shann77
by Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:57 AM

ya it was just food for thought, it doesnt matter for some couples, but this woman obviously wants to get married so her SO should be on the same page as her. it would be hard for me to want to marry someone and have the feeling not returned.

SareyF
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 12:04 PM
Is it really marriage you are after right now, or just knowing there is a commitment and union between you? What specifically are you wanting from marriage that your relationship doesn't give you? How long have you been together?
I do believe in marriage but I don't think it's always necessary. I don't think it's healthy to push for marriage when one isn't ready. However, if it's something you truly want/need, you shouldn't stay if you feel there is no prospect of it. Why do you not trust what he says when he tells you he wants to wait a bit and marry later?
The way I see it, you can propose yourself (though if he really wants to wait, this could go sour), wait it out, forget about marriage, or move on.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 10, 2013 at 7:21 PM
1 mom liked this
I gave mine a ton of blow jobs, didn't move in with him until marriage and acted like a wife
bpryce
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 7:23 PM
Omg i love your #1, haha

Quoting Qkala:

I don't get it. You guys are together already. Why get married at all? What would change? I think that is he isn't ready to propose then he isn't ready. You have 3 choices I can see:


1. Not worry about getting married. I assume you are American so that likely won't work for you.


2. You propose to him (I like this one best).


3. Make it perfectly clear that you expect him to pop the question in the near future (give him a definate time frame) and if he doesn't he loses you for good.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Qkala
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:50 AM

 LOL! You are a VERY wise woman who clearly understands the male mind. Good for you!


Quoting Anonymous:

I gave mine a ton of blow jobs, didn't move in with him until marriage and acted like a wife


 

Qkala
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 11:36 AM
1 mom liked this

 I am not an American, but I have lived here off and on for the last 19 years. I have also lived in New Zealand (my home), Australia, Great Britain and South Africa. I am an RN and mostly work with young women. One of the aspects about American culture I found most surprising is Americans preoccupation with marriage. People here take it for granted that marriage is the normal sate for a person. Despite the fact that fewer and fewer people are actually living a married life. You can see this in the way people talk to their children and mention "some day when you are married" or similar. Observing young women, some of whom are not even in relationships, spend hours planning their weddings and the amount of money spend on wedding here was a real novelty to me. When I was growing up it was NOT assumed we girls would end up married. I can't remember ever talking about or giving a moments thought to my wedding prior to my husband actually proposing to me. In fact had it not been for the federal government forcing us to get married to be together I can't imagine we would have ever gotten married. None of my girls friends I grew up with and went to school with are married, except one other woman married to a Canadian (I know this thanks to Facebook). Neither of my 2 younger sisters are married, despite being in committed long term relationships with the men who are their childrens father.

     I suspect it has to do with two things. The first and largest factor is the very conservative religious nature of Americans. The second I think must have to do with the way the US government encourages marriage with money. Married couple enjoy a variety of financial benefits not enjoyed by un married couples in the USA, unlike NZ or other countries I have lived in.

     Please don't get me wrong. I am not offering any critizisem at all, just observing a cultural difference.


Quoting SareyF:

Why do you make this assumption about Americans? Really just curious. I see all types of relationships and families, and a lot more people not interested in or believing in the institution of marriage these days.

Quoting Qkala:

I don't get it. You guys are together already. Why get married at all? What would change? I think that is he isn't ready to propose then he isn't ready. You have 3 choices I can see:


1. Not worry about getting married. I assume you are American so that likely won't work for you.


2. You propose to him (I like this one best).


3. Make it perfectly clear that you expect him to pop the question in the near future (give him a definate time frame) and if he doesn't he loses you for good.


 

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